I need a safe place to say this... this could include triggers

[HereSince1628]

I think some people here may understand. I don't expect everyone to understand.

If my older brother or I had died in Vietnam it would -not- have meant my father and mother were good people, let alone some of America's best people.

If either of us had died my father would have been the same late 40s early 50s domestic abuser he was when we left home and caught the train to the induction center.

My mother would have been the same facilitator of abuse of her children. Either of our deaths wouldn't have changed that a bit.

As I write this nearly 50 years after the event, I can run my tongue through the space that should occupy teeth in my upper and lower jaw, teeth that I lost at 16 years of age when I got hit in the face with a broom handle.

I understand that the Khans suffered a huge loss. I've buried a child, I sort of get it. I understand that people who see others suffer (and I think the memories of their son are likely painful for the Khans) want to give comfort. I have no reason to think anything but that the Khans already were some of America's best people, before their son was killed.

But, I really don't think there is a necessary or logical link that makes parents who lose a child in military service any better people than others. In my imagination I can suppose such a loss might make a change...in a person capable of change. I don't think my parents were those kind of people

[mopinko]

1. you are right of course.

and many will use that ticket any way they can.

i keep saying- no war heroes, no war.

hero worship is ingrained in us, i think. it assures that the offspring of the altruistic and the brave will survive.
but a lot of assholes get through the net.

[HereSince1628]

3. I get that we tell lies even to strangers hoping to provide comfort

When government does that, I think I heard Obama's voice doing that to the Khans on the radio today, I think it's important to remember it's white lies meant to comfort


Because for people like me, there's an inescapable side bitter for something that never was there, and that makes me cynical. It makes me think that the government would lie to people to comfort them, because if the people aren't comforted, they will grow resentful and work against those who use war as a path to either or all... power, celebrity and/or wealth.

Hero worship imo is another distraction a way to take our minds off the ugly reality.

[Tobin S.]

2. I hear you, HS.

Thanks for a different perspective. To be honest with you, I had never thought of it that way.

I think most people love their children and when they see a couple like the Khans who have lost a child, especially in a war, it's like the worst thing they ever could imagine happening. Then they project how they would feel and how they are onto the people who have lost children.

Maybe that's one of the underlying problems in our society. People assume that because they are or think a certain way that others feel and do the same. We are all different, however, and as you learned at such a young age, some people really don't love their children.

[HereSince1628]

4. Parents aren't always best people, children's sacrifices thousands of miles away

aren't necessary or sufficient evidence that they are.

I get that the ruse is a white lie intended to be comforting. But I can't get beyond the ruse.

[No Vested Interest]

5. Such a sad and cruel experience you had, HereSince1628.

Any rational person who reads such a story aches for the child - you- who was mistreated.
However, apparently you also realize that your terrible childhood is not the typical experience, either here or worldwide.

No, parents who lose a child in military service are not any better people than others, per se.
However, those parents are recognized by their fellow nationals as persons who have suffered a great loss for the country their child served.
Even when we recognize that the war which took the lives of so many children was an unjust and unnecessary war, we acknowledge the motive of serving one's country as a good thing.