I yelled at the dog
He is a good dog, but a touchy one and snarled at me when I asked him to get out of the bed. My husband proceeded to lecture me on treating the dog right, and that he knows him since he is here during the day with our dogs. I get up at 4 am to train and exercise these dogs, I do agility with our gentle girl and am training the young boy in obedience, I put more hours into training them than I can count, so I got pissed at him, then he goes there, telling me I am nothing but miserable (fighting hell in depression for the past year, trying to find the right med). He said he was tired of my bullshit and if I didn't cut it out I could leave. I know he did not mean it, but all of it makes me wonder if all this fight against depression is even worth it? He has bi-polar disorder and sometimes things can go this way for a bit, but this sure triggered me about when my family took my cats away and never told me what they did with them when I lost the ability to care for myself, I drank a lot back then, so destroying what was left of me would be considered right and proper. I didn't have a pet for years because I didn't want anything in my life that would hurt if someone removed.
I went from the happiest I had been a year, going out into the once dreaded light and setting up my first ever veggie garden, to wishing I had a gun to put to my head so no one could ever take anything from me again. Just a bad night, I will be ok. I just need to be more careful in how I behave, story of my life.
Please don't tell me to leave my husband, that would totally mess with my head, he has been incredibly kind throughout my depression until tonight, I just have a hard time dealing with put downs and threats, even isolated and momentary ones.
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