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woodsprite

(11,854 posts)
Mon Apr 6, 2020, 09:41 PM Apr 2020

Anybody dealing with 19yo son issues during the quarantine?

Any advice?

He was with his girlfriend pretty much the first wk of the college shutdown with the exception of going to work, a few meals, and sleeping. Now we're 2 wks into a shelter-at-home order, and he vacillates between grumpy, silent, talkative, and invisible.

I told him I know it's not easy. He wants to be with his GF and her family. Hell, I really like her and would like to have her over for dinner, to have a game night, etc. It's not easy for us either - none of us have had to ever do anything like this before, but we're safe, in our average sized home, with an array of food available, parents who are working 40hrs/wk from home, and staying safe now means that we are keeping others safe as well. Out of the two families, the most high risk is his girlfriend (asthma, diabetes, bariatric patient, and on immune suppressing meds), myself (diabetes and HBP), and her grandfather (83yo in a wheelchair).

I guess I'm having a pity party for myself tonight with the stress, Mr. Vacillating Grumpypants, working full days doing stuff I'm not 100% sure of how to do, and having to deal with a fussy geriatric dog who thinks I exist to feed her treats 24/7.

I just want things to be back to normal.

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Anybody dealing with 19yo son issues during the quarantine? (Original Post) woodsprite Apr 2020 OP
Does he play video games? Maybe order a few for him ... mr_lebowski Apr 2020 #1
This is tough. PoindexterOglethorpe Apr 2020 #2
He is still at college. He's doing classes at home. woodsprite Apr 2020 #5
More like 26...that male brains mature! MontanaMama Apr 2020 #6
I'm almost 65 and not really mature. MarianJack Apr 2020 #9
Baby blm is 19 and some days are rougher than others. blm Apr 2020 #3
You're doing all you can. Laffy Kat Apr 2020 #4
I have a 20 and 22 yo. They live on their computers. Occasionally I feed them, and once in GreenPartyVoter Apr 2020 #7
My son just turned 20 last week. MarianJack Apr 2020 #8
Isn't it a pleasure to like how your kiddo MontanaMama Apr 2020 #10
Thanx! MarianJack Apr 2020 #11
 

mr_lebowski

(33,643 posts)
1. Does he play video games? Maybe order a few for him ...
Mon Apr 6, 2020, 09:45 PM
Apr 2020

Honestly those sound like the 4 phases of teenagers in general.

When I was 19, if I was in that situation ... I'd have been mostly bummed out cause I'z out of weed ... just sayin

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,750 posts)
2. This is tough.
Mon Apr 6, 2020, 09:47 PM
Apr 2020

He's 19. He really wants to be on his own, and in the old world would be still at college.

I will suggest you try talking to him about this, letting him know that this is, from his perspective, a huge violation of his privacy and autonomy, and you understand/sympathize. I would not suggest making historical references to other bad times in history. Just focus on this and his feelings. Also tell him how you feel about this change, because you didn't expect this and you are also in a situation you didn't expect.

Don't know if this helps.

woodsprite

(11,854 posts)
5. He is still at college. He's doing classes at home.
Mon Apr 6, 2020, 10:01 PM
Apr 2020

We live about 5 min. from campus (bought him a car instead of dumping money into dorm/food). Since that is where hubby and I both work, both kids are lucky enough to be graduating with no undergraduate debt. His sister realizes that is a gift, him -- not so much. The Univ is totally physically closed and like all other colleges, the rest of the semester and summer sessions will all be on line. Even his work (Jos. A Banks) is closed down until the shelter-in-place order is over (estimating May 15, but Gov. Carney may extend that). To top all that off, he's supposed to go on a cruise with his GF and her family in August to the Bahamas. Not sure that's going to happen.

I've tried telling him "we want you with us because we love you and want to know that you're safe", and "if something were to happen to your father or I, we would want you to be here with your sister", plus the "this is important to your GF as well". She was in the hospital several times last year due to asthma and breathing related issues.

My daughter (26yo) informed me that boys brains don't approach full maturity until they're around 21 or 22. That may even be a stretch for some guys that I know.

MontanaMama

(23,242 posts)
6. More like 26...that male brains mature!
Mon Apr 6, 2020, 10:41 PM
Apr 2020

This is such a hard time for teenagers. My kiddo is almost 15. No girlfriend yet, thankfully. Not having the structure of real school has been a huge challenge. My son is a really good student but not having the regular school day schedule has thrown him off. My neighbors across the street have 3 boys...ages 16, 17 and 19. All have girlfriends and it’s been a struggle for them to keep the kids apart...as a result, I have kept my son away from their boys because of the girlfriend thing...but even that has worn thin because I got home from work the other day and the whole lot of them were playing basketball in the street...like 12 kids! Sigh. I’ve tossed all screen time limits out the window because my son is an only child...no sibs to hang with and at least he and his friends can be together in a virtual reality. I’ve got nothing of substance to offer, only empathy. These are hard days to be sure.

blm

(112,920 posts)
3. Baby blm is 19 and some days are rougher than others.
Mon Apr 6, 2020, 09:48 PM
Apr 2020

Overall, though, she’s been doing OK. Online college, and her art professors give them steady challenges.

But.....every now and then.....like poking an alligator.

Laffy Kat

(16,356 posts)
4. You're doing all you can.
Mon Apr 6, 2020, 10:00 PM
Apr 2020

Ultimately, though, he's an adult and will do what he wants. I say keep him at home as long as you're able.

GreenPartyVoter

(72,377 posts)
7. I have a 20 and 22 yo. They live on their computers. Occasionally I feed them, and once in
Tue Apr 7, 2020, 12:15 AM
Apr 2020

a while they do a chore. No one has been grumpy except when sick, but as long as we stay out of each other’s hair, it’s been calm. Hope your kiddo settles down. Bear in mind that anxiety frequently presents as grumpiness. He may be stressed out by everything that’s going on.

MarianJack

(10,237 posts)
8. My son just turned 20 last week.
Tue Apr 7, 2020, 06:03 AM
Apr 2020

He has shown an amazing level of maturity over this, as has his roommate/best friend.

My wife is taking them a pot roast dinner when she goes to work today. I just hope that they realize that it's the kind of "pot" that you EAT and not SMOKE...yikes!

We are very proud of him. Our son is a good man.

#notmypresident

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