"I Found Condoms in My Son's Room. What Should I Do Now?"

[Demovictory9]

I Found Condoms in My Son’s Room. What Should I Do Now?
A reader, horrified by the idea of his offspring being sexually active, seeks advice.

Our 19-year-old son is staying with us during his college’s summer break. While my wife was vacuuming, she discovered a box of condoms under his bed. It was unopened, but I am still furious! My son knows that I strongly oppose premarital sex. He’s also well aware of my general philosophy: my house, my rules. When I confronted him about the condoms, which I discarded, he denied they were his. He claimed he was holding them for a friend, as if I were an idiot. I would like to throw him out of the house, but my wife disagrees. How should I proceed?

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/02/style/condoms-teen-son-social-qs.html

[woodsprite]

1. Just be glad he was using them.

That’s my philosophy. Heck, my MIL gave her kids condoms in the Xmas stockings when my husband and I were dating (18-19yrs old).

[Sanity Claws]

2. I wonder whether that letter was written by a troll

Parents should be glad that their adult son is responsible enough to use condoms.

[snowybirdie]

3. Says 18th Century dad

[Rebl2]

19. 👆👆👆

[Demovictory9]

20. lol.. and handmaiden wife who turned them over to dad. Mom should have left them under the bed

[Effete Snob]

4. 19?

WTF?

People are weird.

[walkingman]

5. What planet are they living on? Really? I'll never forget when

I came home from school at age 20 and my Mom was unpacking my bags and found a bag of weed - this was in 1970. She never said a word but laid it on my bed so I would know she had found it.

[we can do it]

16. I hear ya.

[WhiteTara]

6. make sure he uses them.

[elias7]

7. Throw him out for having an unopened box of condoms? If that's how you want to parent...

[rickford66]

8. Too bad. That unopened box would be worth a fortune on EBAY in the future.

[sinkingfeeling]

9. He's 19. An adult. I hope he moves away from is RWNJ parents

as soon as possible.

[samnsara]

12. wow those parents are gonna chase that son away

[FBaggins]

10. Your son is having sex (or not) irrespective of whether or not you found condoms

The usefulness of "my house my rules" went out the window some time back for your child. If you're worried that he doesn't share your values, your actions only make it less likely that he will ever listen to you as a credible source.

All that condoms tell you is that he's thinking about having sex and he's at least willing to protect the two of them from an unwanted pregnancy, STDs, and/or abortion (if that too violates your values). If it's an unopened box... there's at least the possibility that nothing has happened yet and this is the perfect time to have an adult conversation.

Unfortunately... it sounds like he may be the only adult in the room.

[Beakybird]

13. Well put. This OP seems puritanical.

[TheRealNorth]

17. +1

[samnsara]

11. be glad you dont live in a forced birth state..LOTS of child support w/o

..those condoms... ( lets hope they worked!!)

[twodogsbarking]

14. Good grief.

[Chainfire]

15. The Parents better check and see if he is really going to church every Sunday too!

Over half of Americans have had sex by age 18.

[TheRealNorth]

18. And the other half wish they did

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

21. Oh, heck.

Some years back, over winter break, in the middle of the morning the door to my younger son's room opened and out popped son and his girlfriend. We (my husband and I) were quite taken aback but simply decided to offer coffee to them.

A couple of years later I happened to be speaking to the girlfriend, and she told me that my son had promised her he'd checked in with us and we were fine with her spending the night there, and when she came out of the room she could tell we had no idea.

Here's what I want to convey. Your kids will have their own life, which may well include sex. If you don't happen to agree, well too bad. Get over it. And I'm going to guess that most of those who claim to be opposed to premarital sex were themselves sexually active before marriage. What's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yes. Hypocrisy.

Sex before marriage is hardly new. Get over it, and worry a bit more about unplanned pregnancy, especially if you (and I'll invoke hypocrisy here) oppose abortion. Adopt otherwise unwanted children, otherwise STFU.