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Sun May 6, 2018, 05:12 PM

Having "The Chat"

My brother, who lives near West Palm beach, has been told to have the chat with his 9 year old son before the school cover puberty shortly. My brother thinks it is robbing his son of the remainder of his childhood, but if he insists they don't teach him that, he'll probably hear a version of it from his classmates ! Just to add to it, here in Ireland, I was told to have the chat with my 11 year old by the end of April, in time for their school lesson. I know talking puberty here to a 9 year old kids is too soon.

Is 9 the usual stage in the USA ?

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Arrow 18 replies Author Time Post
Reply Having "The Chat" (Original post)
OnDoutside May 2018 OP
Nay May 2018 #1
OnDoutside May 2018 #2
Nay May 2018 #5
OnDoutside May 2018 #6
whathehell May 2018 #3
OnDoutside May 2018 #7
whathehell May 2018 #8
OnDoutside May 2018 #9
Thomas Hurt May 2018 #4
BigmanPigman May 2018 #10
OnDoutside May 2018 #11
JenniferJuniper May 2018 #12
Phoenix61 May 2018 #13
OnDoutside May 2018 #14
Bob Loblaw May 2018 #15
no_hypocrisy May 2018 #16
bobbieinok May 2018 #17
PoindexterOglethorpe May 2018 #18

Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:21 PM

1. In my grandson's school they have the talk in 5th grade -- the kids are mostly 11

years old.

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Response to Nay (Reply #1)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:25 PM

2. Which matches us here. I think he has a point but what choice does he have ?

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Response to OnDoutside (Reply #2)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:29 PM

5. Most schools allow parents to opt out of sex ed. I don't know about your nephew's

school. Even if he hears all the stuff, if he is too young for the info, it won't matter what they say. And your brother will have to fill him in when he gets a bit older.

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Response to Nay (Reply #5)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:31 PM

6. That's a fair point, it might be best if he calls into the school to find out

what exactly will they cover.

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Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:27 PM

3. It seems young to me..

I would have thought 11 would be the earliest, but I don't have kids,so I don't know if this is typical or not.

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Response to whathehell (Reply #3)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:35 PM

7. Yes it's a bit strange...unless they are just talking about the body changes rather than

sex education.

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Response to OnDoutside (Reply #7)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:37 PM

8. Yeah, and unless I'm behind on things..

Nine years old even seems a bit young for that. I didn't think boys reached puberty before about twelve.

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Response to whathehell (Reply #8)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:43 PM

9. I'm sure there are exceptions, especially in a 300m population, but yes I would agree.

Actually on my son's squad of 30 U12 gaelic footballers, just one is going through the cracked voice, if that's any indication.

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Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:28 PM

4. back in the day, in sixth grade, our PE teachers gave us a chat on puberty...

at the time it seemed a serious lecture but my concern passed quickly and never really had any angst over it.

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Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:51 PM

10. As a former elementary school teacher

who taught K-6th I suggest doing it now! They are already discussing it by the time they are 7 and they do not share the most accurate info. I would get the truth and facts to my kid before his peers teach him "who knows what". Teachers have to teach it in their classes to 6th graders in my CA city and when I had to do it for the first time I had the school nurse do it while I observed (it was for a whole week and they separated the boys and girls so they wouldn't feel embarrassed or afraid to ask questions). The girls already had been discussing it a lot and the stuff they learned was strange and scary. At the end of the class they were allowed to write anonymous questions on paper and I would take them home, try to find the answers and then reply the next day if appropriate. Many questions made my mouth drop open, others made me laugh. One girl asked, "If I have sex with a dog, could I get pregnant?". The school nurse told me to leave that one was left in the "inappropriate pile" and they could ask their 7th grade teacher.

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Response to BigmanPigman (Reply #10)

Sun May 6, 2018, 05:59 PM

11. Thanks, that's an interesting perspective.

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Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2018, 06:06 PM

12. Not too young,

kids these days know more than you think they do, but they are also confused, especially if they haven't been getting age-appropriate sex-ed earlier.

This old 50's video still holds up pretty well. Coach may seem a bit creepy now, but everything is handled in a matter-of-fact fashion.

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Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2018, 06:55 PM

13. "The chat" ideally should be an ongoing

conversation about human sexuality. It's a part of life just like everything else. The earlier parents start the conversation the less scary it is for everyone, especially the parents. I've worked with kids and they have always been surprisingly comfortable with talking about puberty and sex etc. It's so much better for them to have accurate info and to know their parents are comfortable talking to them about anything.

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Response to Phoenix61 (Reply #13)

Sun May 6, 2018, 06:59 PM

14. It will be interesting how indepth they go with the Puberty talk. Maybe it is the first of a number

of talks.

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Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2018, 07:11 PM

15. The World's Most Interesting Man

gave his father "the talk".

I too feel that nine is a little young. I wrapped up the chat with my 12 year old yesterday while working on an outdoor home project. It was the fourth installment. We took it a little at a time a couple of weeks apart so he could process things and ask questions as they came to him rather than throwing it at him all at once. I can't say I dreaded it, but it wasn't something I was dying to do. In the end he was very mature about it and asked good questions. It was outstanding bonding time and though I have a great relationship with him I feel closer now. He was ready for it and it just took place kind of organically over those several weeks. Good luck, he's looking up to you and it's important. No pressure : )

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Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2018, 07:17 PM

16. My mother waited until I was 11-1/2, the summer after fifth grade.

She didn't want me to learn about it in school first.

All went well with her explaining I would soon get my period. And she forgot she was talking to me. I gave her a barrage of questions and interrogatories that stymied her. She was flummoxed. She just wasn't making sense. Excuse the pun, but she aborted the talk, with a warning for me not to tell a word to my sister.

So that night, my nine year old sister insisted that I tell her what our mother told me. And I couldn't, not so much because of what I promised Mom, but because I really had no idea what she was talking about. I told my sister, "Mom says I'm going to bleed soon." Why, asked my sister. I dunno, I responded . . . . . .

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Response to no_hypocrisy (Reply #16)

Sun May 6, 2018, 07:44 PM

17. My mom told me about periods when I was in 5th or 6th grade.

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Response to OnDoutside (Original post)

Wed May 9, 2018, 07:24 PM

18. Find out what they cover and tailor your talk accordingly.

Some kids hit puberty astonishingly early, and if parents in your area tend to hold boys back a year (sometimes more) thinking it will give them some sort of academic or sports advantage, then there may be 11 year olds in his class. I swear there were boys shaving in my oldest's 6th grade class.

What you need to tell your son is real different from what you need to tell your daughter.

Oh, and as for the period thing, I always knew about women having their periods because my mother had an open bathroom door policy when we were very little, and so I saw. It seemed a bit strange, but not at all frightening or unknown. Lucky me. Oh, and despite my screen name I am a female.

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