HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Home & Family » Pets (Group) » We put down Chili Pepper ...

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 01:46 PM

We put down Chili Pepper this morning,

my 27 year old mare. It was time. It was sad. There is loss.

Any suggestions for books on why sadness is expressed as anger, and how to redirect that?

20 replies, 1747 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 20 replies Author Time Post
Reply We put down Chili Pepper this morning, (Original post)
cilla4progress Nov 2020 OP
Freedomofspeech Nov 2020 #1
samnsara Nov 2020 #2
Mike 03 Nov 2020 #7
irisblue Nov 2020 #3
cilla4progress Nov 2020 #4
mercuryblues Nov 2020 #5
Mike 03 Nov 2020 #6
cilla4progress Nov 2020 #11
montanacowboy Nov 2020 #8
Mike 03 Nov 2020 #9
cilla4progress Nov 2020 #13
Polly Hennessey Nov 2020 #10
cilla4progress Nov 2020 #12
blueinredohio Nov 2020 #14
cilla4progress Nov 2020 #15
blueinredohio Nov 2020 #18
peacebuzzard Nov 2020 #16
blueinredohio Nov 2020 #17
peacebuzzard Nov 2020 #19
XanaDUer2 Nov 2020 #20

Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 01:49 PM

1. So sorry for your loss..

We lost our beautiful beagle rescue, Emme, a week ago today. They are truly family.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 01:51 PM

2. check out The Rainbow Bridge website... you can set up a memorial there and they have on line..

.....support groups. Its a very comforting place.

I am so sorry for loss. Godspeed, Chili Pepper. What a GOOD friend you are!

(((hugs)))

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to samnsara (Reply #2)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 01:58 PM

7. That's a wonderful website.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 01:51 PM

3. 🕯️Chili Pepper

I'm so sorry about your great loss.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 01:52 PM

4. Thanks

you guys.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 01:53 PM

5. I am sorry for your loss

I don't know of any books, but perhaps you can make a small donation to a rescue in Chili Pepper's honor.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 01:57 PM

6. I'm so sorry.

Putting down a beloved animal is one of the worst experiences in life.

I'm always hesitant to recommend books on such a personal subject as loss of an animal, but I used to have about ten of them and I got rid of all of them except for "Pet Loss: A Spiritual Guide" by Eleanor Harris. Some of those books are terrible. But that book hit the spot. But it's very subjective trying to figure out what is a good book for someone else. I even got some comfort from a children's book about losing an animal.

A newer book about grief in general might be good too. I think we've learned a lot about grief over the past few years. I remember a time where people didn't take grief over losing a beloved animal seriously.

One thing you read over and over again is that there is no such thing as a "wrong" response to losing someone, and to be easy on yourself and not judge what you are feeling.

Just googling "When grief manifests as anger" turns up a lot of interesting looking articles. Just be careful because there is some incredible crap on the internet too.

What Is Anger? A Common Manifestation of Grief

https://thegrieftoolbox.com/article/what-anger-common-manifestation-grief

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Mike 03 (Reply #6)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 02:41 PM

11. Super, thanks, Mike.

You framed your search better than I did.

I found one written by Thich Nhat Hanh - one of my heroes; Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames. I'll listen to it on my walk this afternoon.

I will look at what you sent too - thank you for your kind heart!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 02:03 PM

8. I am so sorry

It's so painful.

it's the price of love

Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you -

I loved you so -
'twas Heaven here with you

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 02:10 PM

9. This article looks better than the one I posted earlier

http://www.pet-loss-matters.com/pet-loss-grief.html

Pet Loss Grief. The Stages of Grief - 'Anger'

The more you choose to feel your anger, the faster it will begin to dissipate and the faster you will make your way through pet loss grief and onto the road of pet grief recovery.

It is important to realise that Anger often doesn’t make sense so it is important to try and feel it without trying to make real sense of it or judging it.

The truth is sometimes life just sucks, life is unfair, the death of a pet is unfair and Anger is a natural reaction to the unfairness of the loss of a pet.

You may feel that your anger is all consuming and will never end. You may feel that you will never calm down and will be forever furious and full of rage.

But your anger will pass and then you will feel start to feel the underlying emotions underneath your anger such as pain and sadness.

I like to think of Anger as a lifeboat that rescues you from the sea of shock and numbness that you feel like you are drifting in when pet loss grief first hits you.


Take care of yourself.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Mike 03 (Reply #9)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 02:43 PM

13. This is good, Mike.

Thanks.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 02:22 PM

10. I never felt anger but I felt

tremendous guilt. It is probably just my nature to blame myself and worry that I did not do enough. I have been able to come to terms with my sadness over the loss of a pet and have discovered, for me, what works to ease my pain.

I am truly sorry for the loss of Chili Pepper.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Polly Hennessey (Reply #10)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 02:42 PM

12. Yes, it's such a conundrum -

the guilt AND the responsibility...to help them avoid needless suffering. I find it doubly hard with my outdoor animals. Because I can't control their environment as much, the decision has to be made sooner than with indoor ones.

Thank you for your grace.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 02:53 PM

14. Sorry for your loss. I had to have my 16year old cat down Saturday.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blueinredohio (Reply #14)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 03:50 PM

15. Sorry blue.

RIP

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Reply #15)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 05:41 PM

18. Thank you.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blueinredohio (Reply #14)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 05:37 PM

16. sorry to hear this,


I also lost my 17 yr old kitty in March. I am sorry for your loss.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to peacebuzzard (Reply #16)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 05:41 PM

17. Thank you.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Wed Nov 11, 2020, 05:42 PM

19. I am sorry cilla4progress,

so sorry for this very sad loss.
I have gone to grief meetings organized by the staff at a local University. But I am sure those meetings don't happen during the current crisis. I really don't know what to say. When the loss of our precious companions take place it is hard, period; the loss is real.
I have lost dear pets this past year, it is never easy.
I am so sorry.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to cilla4progress (Original post)

Sat Nov 14, 2020, 05:51 PM

20. My condolences

May she RIP

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread