Riley went to rainbow bridge

[vercetti2021]

I failed him. I let him suffer and die thinking removing his cancer was the right thing to do. I let him suffer for two days. I tried everything I could. High medications and everything to ensure he wouldn't suffer while recovering. He had a seizure this morning and the vet was closed. I tried to monitor him as closely as possible. But he just succumbed and took his last breath. I absolutely fucking hate myself for this and never forgiving myself for this. This was my fault. I ended his life sooner than expected. I'm so sorry Riley. I'm sorry.

[MerryHolidays]

1. I am so sorry. It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself

[vercetti2021]

19. Its mine

I tried everything to make sure he had a good life from all the shit he dealt with from his abused life. And I made his last two days hell. I tried everything to make sure he wouldn't suffer and I made it worse. I failed him so badly

[redwitch]

2. Oh honey you are not to blame!

You did the best you could, please forgive yourself! Big love to you!

[vercetti2021]

58. I just can't

Not for a long time. I did fail him and let him suffer thinking we did the right thing

[Silver Gaia]

3. My heart is with you.

I am so very sorry. I was once in a similar circumstance. May peace find you and comfort you in your grief.

[Tetrachloride]

4. You did your best. None of us including your

veterinarian knew ideally.

We honor Riley and you for a good life.

[femmedem]

5. I'm so sorry, vercetti2021.

I once had a similar experience with a cat who had a problem for which the vet advised surgery. He also succumbed after a few days of needless suffering. So I understand the mix of grief and guilt that you are feeling.

But please know this: you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. You did this with the blessing of a veterinarian, someone with more knowledge about Riley's odds of enjoying some pain-free time than you had. You took on a major expense because you thought this would be best for him. Everything you did was out of love. And none of it was done out of ignorance. You sought the advice of a professional. You had every reason to trust that professional. This was awful luck, but not something you should hate yourself for. Please be gentle with yourself. The loss of your beloved Riley is hard enough without a layer of self-hatred.

[Biophilic]

6. Oh, god, I know how you feel. I'm so sorry for both you and Riley.

Those are such damnably difficult decisions. Sometimes there simply isn’t a right decision. Even after decades of living with animals (I’m 76) I’m never sure. My heart goes out to you.

[Farmer-Rick]

7. You did the best you could based on the available evidence

Guilt is always there when a pet pass on. It's part of the grieving process. Just realize the guilt you are feeling is misplaced.

What else could you have done? You can not predict the future. In many, many cases of cancer this would have been the right thing to do.

My old beagle had a lump on her leg and at first we were going to remove it to save his life But it turned out the cancer had spread throughout her body. But we had planned to do exactly what you did.

You did the best you could given the circumstances and available information. Don't beat yourself up for it.

[Siwsan]

8. There are so many things we can't control - please don't blame yourself!!

My heart goes out to you.

[MacKasey]

9. So sorry

[SheltieLover]

10. You did the very best you could for him with the info & resources avail to you.

Pls do not guilt yourself!

Riley knows how much you love him & that you tried your best to help him.

Healing vibes on the way to you, V! 💓💓💓

[vercetti2021]

14. I'm broken

I'm going to hate myself for a while over this

[raging moderate]

45. All cats die eventually.

One darling cat hated vets, so I tried to just keep her as comfortable as possible with vet-recommended home health care during her last days. She suffered so long that I hated myself. So when my darling last cat was suffering the same way, and the vet recommended that he be euthanized, after a few weeks, I took him in to the vet to be euthanized. The needle hurt him so bad that I hated myself. But here is the thing: I gave both cats as much love and care and comfort as I could and tried very hard to make the best decisions for them. So eventually I forgave myself. Your darling cat could tell that you loved him and were trying to help and comfort him. You obviously tried very hard to make the best decisions you could for him. Your love must surely have meant a lot to Riley, right up to his last moment.

[vercetti2021]

46. Dog

Riley wasn't a kitty

[raging moderate]

51. Oh, sorry. Riley surely knew you were trying to help him.

If anything, dogs are usually more perceptive than cats. I could not have a dog, but I volunteered at an animal shelter for ten years. I was highly impressed with the ability of dogs to understand what humans are talking about and empathize with human feelings. As a dog, Riley must surely have understood how hard you were trying to help him, and how difficult the decisions were, and how very much you loved him! And all this would have been even more comforting to a dog!

[LetMyPeopleVote]

11. I am so sorry for your loss

You did what you thought was best. I have lost one dog to cancer and she was in a great deal of pain at the end. Agan, do not fault yourself for trying your best to help your puppy.

[vercetti2021]

64. I tried

But failed him. I just can't forgive myself for what I did

[sinkingfeeling]

12. I'm very sorry for your loss. There must have been something else that the vet

missed.

[vercetti2021]

21. I don't know

I feel we did it with bad judgment

[PortTack]

13. So sorry for your loss..sounds like you had a plan, and it failed. Not your fault

As much as we would like to remove all pain and suffering associated with passing, it’s really not possible.

[vercetti2021]

15. I failed him

I did this. This is all on me for trying to do what I thought was right

[LisaL]

37. With cancer, if you didn't do surgery, it would have spread.

He'd still have died. I lost my cat to cancer several years ago. I didn't know he had it, until he very quickly went downhill and had to be euthanized. So with cancer, many times there is just no good outcome, one way or the other.

[barbtries]

16. I'm so sorry.

Please try not to eat yourself up over this. You certainly did what you thought would be best for him. You were with him and loving him to his last moment alive.

[brer cat]

17. I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself;

you made your decisions on the best information at the time. None of us can predict the future.

May pleasant memories of Riley give you peace.

[Ziggysmom]

18. As a former nurse, I know human patients also have variable outcomes after surgery, even for

similar impairments/injuries/diseases. You TRIED to help and extend his life with the information you had at the time. No fault of yours that he passed; you acted out of pure LOVE.

[vercetti2021]

20. Should have consider the options

His age should have been a huge factor. Hes 10 and it should have been factored in. We jumped the gun and ended up killing him because of bad judgment. I hate this

[Earthrise]

22. We can find a reason to blame ourselves no matter what we do...

Think of the name and face of a kind friend or loved one. Ask yourself what you would say to them if they were in the same situation. I don't think you would tell them that you fucking hate them and will never forgive them.

I had my Golden, Ben put down when the vet found cancer. The treatment would require surgery and long, miserable chemotherapy. Ben was going on 12. The vet kept talking about success stories, but I didn't buy it.

As soon as I put him down I plunged into depression - this was my heart dog - what if he could've had weeks or months more? Like you I was confident I had failed him and shocked at the intense, unrelenting emotional pain of losing him.

We think we have control of our lives because it feels like we have control when everything is going pretty well. Pain comes when it comes and we can't always control it. Death comes when it comes. We can't control it.

I am so sorry that Riley died. I am terribly sorry he experienced pain in the end.

He isn't in any pain now.

You engaging in emotional self-harm isn't going to help him.

Consider looking for books or an online support groups for people who've lost pets.

[vercetti2021]

60. I don't wanna use facebook for it

I hate that place for support. I don't know. I hate death came because we made it happen faster. I just hate it

[badhair77]

23. Please don't think it was your fault. You did everything possible

but it sounds as if the cancer was just too much for Riley. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I understand your thinking and regret but at some point we have to let go. His suffering is over. I felt this way about our sweet Molly. I want her back but not as she was in her last months.
I wish you peace.

[vercetti2021]

28. Cancer or pain

I feel it was pain. The pain of the surgery being too much for him to overcome.

[badhair77]

31. The cancer may have weakened him

and he couldn’t respond well to the surgery. Again, please be kind to yourself. It may take a little time to deal with the whole situation. I wish you peace and healing.

[CousinIT]

24. You did what you thought was best for him. You could not have known the outcome

ahead of time. I know it hurts like hell but you did your best! Don't blame yourself. You could not have known.

[vercetti2021]

27. I feel I could have done better

But any outcome with him was gonna end badly. Cancer spread or this. I hate it so much right now and myself

[Jeebo]

25. If you did the wrong thing ...

If you did the wrong thing, you did it for the right reasons. You did it because you were TRYING to do the right thing. You were TRYING to make things better for your feline (canine?) friend. You were not trying to do something bad, you were trying to do something good. That is an important distinction.

Incidentally, I'm interested in your canine (feline?) friend's name. A neighborhood cat took up with me. One day I saw him snoozing on the corner of a desk and I suddenly had the thought, this cat has people feeding him, opening doors for him, giving him affection, he's got a free meal ticket for life. He's really living "The Life of Riley". (Do y'all remember that old TV and radio show?) Therefore, if he's living the life of Riley, he must be ... Riley! So, I named him Riley. That name fit the little guy just perfectly.

Riley lived with me for several years, and then I let another cat take up with me. I named her Rose, because she was really pretty, but she had thorns. Once Rose moved in with me, Riley would not enter my house. He started hanging around other neighborhood houses instead. He became a neighborhood cat, with several other houses taking care of him, not just me. I think he just didn't like other animals. He was very friendly to people but he didn't get along with the other critters. I suspect that's why he took up with me in the first place. He came from a house where there were lots of other critters -- dogs, cats, and his own mom and litter-mates. So when another cat moved into my house, he didn't want to stay there any more, either. Riley was never really my cat; he was just a neighborhood cat all along.

I don't know what happened to Riley. One day I just realized, Hey, I haven't seen Riley in a while. And then, I never saw him again. He was a really good little guy and I miss him.

-- Ron

[UpInArms]

26. Oh my sweet friend, vercetti

I am so sorry … you did your very best for Riley and I am so sad it has been so tragic

My heart aches with yours and my virtual arms are around you ((((((((hugs))))))

[vercetti2021]

61. Yeah

Its just awful and I can't forgive myself for this

[rockbluff botanist]

29. I've been where you are. Here is some advice.

I am crying as I write this.

Ask yourself what would you have done if it was you or your child?

You of course would have done everything medically possible to save that life. That is exactly what you did. Your precious dog would have suffered grievously from that cancer. You followed sound medical advice. There are so often unforeseen medical problems. I can attest to this. On my farm, it's so common. My heart has lain in pieces more times than I care to mention.

You have to forgive yourself for your mistakenly perceived wrong doing. You gave your precious Riley a wonderful life with you. He had everything. That wonderful life is what he knew and enjoyed with you. Animals don't fear death, so please don't humanize what he felt. My vets have reminded me often that animals are fortunate that way.

Vercetti, you have a loving heart and Riley was loved to end of his sweet life. That's so much more than most of us get, animal or human. I grieve with you.

[vercetti2021]

62. If it were me?

I'd opt for death. Chemo and treatment can be much more painful than death. My grandfather got chemo and died a week later from his cancer. We made a decision that put him in pain for 2 days and that is something I can't forgive myself for that ever

[murielm99]

32. Please do not blame yourself.

[vercetti2021]

33. I do

The amount of anger I have right now with me is very high and I keep hearing him crying from the pain over and over again.

[LisaL]

36. He is not suffering anymore.

Don't blame yourself, you did your best.
I lost my cat to cancer several years ago. If I were advised by a vet that surgery would help him, I would have gone for it too.

[vercetti2021]

56. I know he isn't

But for 2 days we put him through hell to keep him alive. Can't live with his whines and cries in my memory forever. Those we caused.

[alittlelark]

34. I'm soooo sorry.... did the best you could for him.

You were with him the whole way and he couldn't ask for more.

[LisaL]

35. It's not your fault.

You had no way of knowing. Don't blame yourself.
Riley is at peace now.

[cate94]

38. I'm so sorry for your loss

You were trying to do right by Riley, his death is not your fault.

[vercetti2021]

59. Feels like I did

I tried but we failed him ultimately

[Tetrachloride]

39. Just a little while ago, i was telling my friends of

my 2 dogs.

Although their ending wasn’t too quick, I knew they lived a good life. Slower than your dogs
by 3-5 days. I took
care of them to the end of their days.

I am very happy for the memories.

[LoisB]

40. I am sure Riley does not think it is your fault. I am so sorry.

[secondwind]

41. You did what you had to do, you tried to help him! Am so very sorry, I know it will take time to

get over this, but you can find some comfort in knowing that Riley is not hurting anymore...He is at peace.

[MadameButterfly]

42. It's hard to see what might have happened

if you'd made a different choice. He might have suffered more, longer. Perhaps you did the best thing, even though it was hard.

It's not a longevity contest. You gave him a good life. He is above (I believe) smiling down thanking you for all the love you gave him and for allowing him to make a quick exit when his body couldn't support him anymore.

It is better to have loved and lost....for Riley and for you.

Biden talks about how the time will come when you will think of a lost loved one with joy and gratitude instead of grief and loss. You need to release the blame so you can get on with the grieving process which has it's stages.

And love yourself as you loved Riley.

[vercetti2021]

52. Grief is long lasting with me

Seeing him cry and suffer all Saturday morning made me feel inhuman and he died in pain because of something we thought would save him. I don't know how I'm gonna live with that

[Mozeltov Cocktail]

43. Everyone here has said it much more eloquently than I can...

Please don't blame yourself. You did the best you could with the information you had. I had to put my Sadie down two weeks ago. She was thirteen years old. I understand your pain and believe me, I'm crying as I write this.
I had to end Sadie's life when I did, I have made myself sick worrying if I waited too long or worse, did I end her life too soon.
I believe I acted with the advice of my vet and with what I thought was best for my Sadie.
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Riley was as lucky as you, to find each other and share your lives together. Vercetti, you have my deepest sympathy.

[IcyPeas]

44. ask Riley to forgive you, and you know he will, cause that's what dogs do. ❤️

I am so so sorry that your heart is breaking. he knows you loved him and he loved you. please cry and grieve... and go easy on yourself.

💔

[vercetti2021]

47. I hope he knows

I'm just crying off and on and I hate myself

[IcyPeas]

49. that's okay, we are all sending you lots of love

Riley is already wagging his tail being comforted by lots of new frens. 🌈 He will always be in your heart.

peace

[vercetti2021]

63. I hope

He's with my other childhood pets

[ramapo]

48. So sorry... You were there for him

You gave him a chance. I'm so sorry it went bad the way it did. But had you not taken the chance then what? You might've euthanized him and forever doubted if it was right, thinking he might have had some years left. Or you might have waited until the cancer spread...that's not a great option.

What happened is flat out, devastatingly shitty. The grief, emptiness, wanting to have somehow made a different outcome, the guilt, and the sadness are what's left behind.

I lost an animal friend three weeks ago. She went from perfectly healthy to dead in 18 awful days. She was only six and so special.

We all feel your pain. Please go easy on yourself. The loss is hard enough.

You did your best. You loved him. It's not your fault. Sometimes things just go bad. It sucks.

Hang in there.

[vercetti2021]

57. I'm so sorry

I know either choice would have been death in the end. I just don't know. I feel him suffering 2 days was not the best way of his end life should have been. Letting him suffer is gonna haunt me forever

[slightlv]

50. Oh, hon, it will take a long time before you forgive yourself,

but know Riley has already forgiven you. You did the absolute best with the information you had. He knew you loved him. THAT was the most important thing to him. I keep telling myself that, because I was caught in the same type of situation, only with a cat in a diabetic crisis that should never have happened. Neither I nor my vet caught it in time. And a week at the vet's didn't and all they did (and they tried everything) didn't alleviate the situation. First one organ would fail and then another. And I kept kicking myself for not acting faster than I had. I think in the back of my mind I knew something was wrong, I just didn't push to get him to the vet faster.

I could see on Sweetie's eyes on his last day that he loved me with all his might and that he forgave me everything. Still, it broke my heart and I blamed myself and still do, to this day. I have no doubt you'll be in the same situation. All I can say is try to be as gentle with yourself as you can be.

Riley is waiting for you on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. When it's time, the two of you will be reunited, and he can tell you, himself, how much his time with you meant, and how it was never your fault. Until then, be easy with yourself. And know you are surrounded with our hugs and wishes for peace.

[vercetti2021]

55. I don't know if I will

My mom had to watch him die. He had to suffer and that isn't something I will forgive myself or any of us will for a long time. Maybe for good? I'm absolutely gutted and just feel so much self hatred right now

[Tetrachloride]

53. Riley is a great name.

My dogs were happy for every dog walk and most vet visits and nail clips and hair cut for one.

Riley and you are friends forever.

I may walk slower but they are with me all the way. One runs ahead. The other is underfoot. They never argued either.

We slept together in winter.

You and the veterinarian did your best.

We are all proud of your support for Riley.

[vercetti2021]

54. ASCPA named him

He was a good boy. He had a rough life and well 3 years of normalcy was good for him. We tried our best

[niyad]

65. How are you doing?

[vercetti2021]

66. Still not very good

I really miss him. Our other dog is now lying in his bed. She misses him

[niyad]

67. I can only imagine how truly difficult this is. But please know that you

are not alone. Your DU family is here for you. Do not hesitate to lean on us.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

68. So sorry. Cancer is a monstrous thing.

Lost 2 of my cats to cancer. Rustle and Bigfoot. Still miss both of them. My heart goes out to you. Remember Riley's waiting on the other side. I think he understands you were trying to make him better.