Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

3Hotdogs

(12,145 posts)
Mon Sep 21, 2020, 12:17 AM Sep 2020

Its not about me, complaining. Just trying to sort out where I am....78 next month.

The virus is a good part of it..... lost my housemate in July. Three of us bought the house in 1982...raised our kids in it and lived it as kind of a commune. There was the fun of our kids and their friends over the house until they became adults and moved out. The kids (and grandkids) live close so I see them every couple of weeks.

The remaining two of us still live in the house and we get along quite well.

The good thing is, money is not a problem. I ain't rich but there is a hundred or two left at the end of the month. And I have no serious health problems.

Several of my friends, we would take road trips every year.... been doing that since '98. We all felt it was a good idea to stay home this year (and maybe next year, too). I haven't seen any of them since Christmas. We talk and email and so forth. No other really close friends.

Weekends are particularly hard. No place to go, little to do. Pick weeds, get out the weed-wacker, assemble the garbage and recycling. Go to the casino just to kill a couple of hours.

I guess it was yesterday that it hit me hard... I was driving down 78 and I decided to play the tunes I had downloaded on the iPhone over the past years -- songs I enjoyed in past. The Who, The Seldom Scene, Stones and so forth. I used to play them on car cassette while driving to Maine or Massachusetts or Vermont. singing along at the top of my lungs, the freedom of the open road.

I started playing the songs and it hit me, I forgot some of the words to songs I knew every word of.

What happened to that guy?

I don't know if I will go to New England again. Not fun going by myself. I used to go with my kids and then friends.

This is what is going through my head the past few weeks.. I can't figure out how to get joy back into my life.

3 HD

13 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Its not about me, complaining. Just trying to sort out where I am....78 next month. (Original Post) 3Hotdogs Sep 2020 OP
Aging is tough in many ways. But, I'm still adapting and finding enjoyment Hoyt Sep 2020 #1
Also, it was about 5 years ago that I realized, I ain't chick bait anymore. 3Hotdogs Sep 2020 #2
That sounds like a wonderful thing, that sort of commune. PoindexterOglethorpe Sep 2020 #3
"We all need to hang in there " marybourg Sep 2020 #4
Thank you. PoindexterOglethorpe Sep 2020 #5
+1 LiberalLoner Sep 2020 #8
If you're feeling that way, so are others in your vicinity. Grasswire2 Sep 2020 #6
let me just say this - KT2000 Sep 2020 #7
Joy is hard to come by these days and loneliness is crowding us all LiberalLoner Sep 2020 #9
P.S. I always admired how Eisenhower liked paint by number kits LiberalLoner Sep 2020 #10
Where y'at? Got room for two more? trof Sep 2020 #11
We are in N.J. Little room left, however. 3Hotdogs Sep 2020 #12
sounds ideal. trof Sep 2020 #13
 

Hoyt

(54,770 posts)
1. Aging is tough in many ways. But, I'm still adapting and finding enjoyment
Mon Sep 21, 2020, 12:29 AM
Sep 2020

out of life. Ain’t like back in my teens or twenties, but I appreciate the moments more.

I definitely get what you are saying

3Hotdogs

(12,145 posts)
2. Also, it was about 5 years ago that I realized, I ain't chick bait anymore.
Mon Sep 21, 2020, 12:32 AM
Sep 2020

I am divorced and my 23 year, significant other died 6 years ago. I miss her.

PoindexterOglethorpe

(25,684 posts)
3. That sounds like a wonderful thing, that sort of commune.
Mon Sep 21, 2020, 12:56 AM
Sep 2020

I envy you in a way.

I'm a bit younger, just turned 72. In recent years I'd go to science fiction cons, four or five each year. It's a group of people, an affinity group so to speak, that are a fundamental part of my life. I have become pretty good friends with any number of well-known s-f authors, and even watched the 2017 solar eclipse with one of them. (When I brag and name that person to my s-f friends I get lots of envy and awe. You reading this probably won't have heard of this person, so no point in naming names.)

In March I took a cruise to Hawaii. It was a delayed 70th birthday present to myself, and I am so glad I took that cruise for several reasons. First off, it was giant fun. I loved the long days at sea. I loved the time in the Hawaiian Islands and the shore excursions I took. I loved the people I met on board, and I'm still in touch with a couple of them. We were nearly the last tourists to visit the islands.

I was supposed to get on Amtrak at the beginning of April to go to Seattle for one of my s-f things. That thing was cancelled before the cruise ended, so I cancelled trains, hotels, and airplanes. Alas. Maybe someday I will take that trip. I hope so.

At this point, in September, there are three other things I would have attended by now, all of which have been cancelled. One s-f thing that should have taken place in January, 2021, has already been put off to January, 2022. Smart move.

Like so many, I have not seen any family for a while. I live in Santa Fe, NM. My son lives in Fairfax, VA. He's a PhD student in astronomy at George Mason University. He did visit me last October. In normal times either I'd have flown out there to see him, or have bullied him into visiting me again. Neither one is going to happen any time soon. I also have family and lots of friends in the Kansas City area. In normal times I'd have seen them this past summer, and would probably visit for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I had a brief conversation with my sister there about the possibility of my visiting for one of those, and we really thought that I probably shouldn't. Sigh. Even though I probably shouldn't make the trip.

And I don't have it as bad as those who can't see elderly parents in nursing homes, or who haven't seen grandchildren in months. I'm lucky in that I don't have grandchildren.

Eventually, a lot longer than most of us realize, this will finally be over. I'll be able to visit my son, or he'll come visit me. I'll go to Kansas City again. I'll resume my s-f conventions.

We all need to hang in there. We really do.

Grasswire2

(13,564 posts)
6. If you're feeling that way, so are others in your vicinity.
Mon Sep 21, 2020, 02:44 AM
Sep 2020

Maybe you could find some community and joy in volunteering somewhere?

The library? The food bank?

Don't you think there are women your age who are lonely and out of sorts, too? (Or maybe by "chick" you mean a young one.)

Keep posting about this. Other people can likely relate and be encouraged.

KT2000

(20,535 posts)
7. let me just say this -
Mon Sep 21, 2020, 02:52 AM
Sep 2020

you downloaded tunes onto your iPhone. Being adept at using all this ever-changing technology has simply taken over the space once held by the lyrics to your favorite songs. I just learned how to use my cell phone to make a call, and nothing else.

At present, joy is hard to come by but that is where we get creative - learn, access the joyful things on the internet, and always think of those who came before us and suffered and died for things we now take for granted. We just do not know what comes next.

LiberalLoner

(9,760 posts)
9. Joy is hard to come by these days and loneliness is crowding us all
Mon Sep 21, 2020, 07:56 AM
Sep 2020

Sometimes it helps to just sit in the backyard and watch the birds at the feeders.

Or do something with my hands, like cooking or art. Something creative.

When I keep my hands busy there is less time for my mind to dwell on sadness and anxiety.

Is there anything you can do that interests you and keeps your hands busy?

LiberalLoner

(9,760 posts)
10. P.S. I always admired how Eisenhower liked paint by number kits
Mon Sep 21, 2020, 08:03 AM
Sep 2020

And my grandparents used to use a rock tumbler to make beautiful little smooth jewels from rocks they would find.

I’ve often thought I should get flat rocks and paint loving and encouraging messages on them for random people to find.

Some men get into wood carving, making such cool things out of wood.

Sometimes putting together a puzzle feels like meditation, so calming and soothing.

There is something about making things with our hands that is deeply healing and satisfying.

3Hotdogs

(12,145 posts)
12. We are in N.J. Little room left, however.
Tue Sep 22, 2020, 11:41 PM
Sep 2020

Lynn's daughter and family moved to the second floor, five years ago. They are buying the house from us, probably in spring. We will sell at 2/3 of appraised value and in return, get a grant of Life Estate.

If you don't know, that means we get to live here for as long as we live. J and R get to keep the house. That is important to them as they put $50k into renovating their apartment.

So I guess it will still be kind of the communal setup but with fewer people living here. If they have a 2nd kid, or later have other people move in, the third floor will again be occupied.

The house is 200 ft. from the direct line bus stop that goes to N.Y.C. So if/when the virus abates, I will be able to go to NYC for the senior fare of $6.00, round trip.

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Seniors»Its not about me, complai...