Award for Excellence in Police Reporting
Last month I was at a stop light in Blythe CA. When I heard a loud bang looked up and saw the rear end of someone wearing jeans on my windshield. I described this individual (referred to as Person -1 below) to police as someone who looked like he was from the gang that Walter White took out at the end of Breaking Bad (the policeman referred to him as a well known local "tweaker" ) . I noticed lots of tattoos all over him. He had jumped on my car in order to avoid being hit by the car next to me.
Next to me was a little Smart Car that collided at slow speed into my car. Two very large gentlemen who looked like they could have been from Best Buy's Geek Squad had somehow been miraculously wedged into what now looked like a child's battery operated toy car.
Smart Car (Vehicle -2) backs up and P-1 gets off my car reaches into his pants and pulls out a nonexistent gun and proceeds to fire it into the Smart Car yelling "bang, bang, bang, I am going to fucking kill you". I notice that the two geeky looking people in V - 2 looked like they had just encountered that monster from Stranger Things, have lost all of the color in their faces, and push the accelerator and the Smart Car slowly goes around P-1. P-1 picks up an imaginary rock and throws it at V-2. P -1 runs up to the Smart Car and kicks the rear bumper as it "speeds away", then jumps into Vehicle 1 and they pursue Vehicle 2.
I am sitting in Vehicle 3. I put on my blinkers, exit the vehicle and walk into the donut shop which is adjacent to the incident sit down and call the police. This donut shop, like virtually all of the donut shops in CA is owned by a Cambodian refugee who I had talked to the day before and discovered that he was one of the hundreds of thousands of Cambodians resettled under a program I managed in the 1980's. Free maple bar while I wait for the police.
Today I called my adjuster who I hadn't talked to in a month. I said "Dee, I am not sure if you remember me but I had a small claim in Blythe". He responded without hesitation, "Mr. Grant everyone in my group knows who you are.".
He advised that everyone in his group knew who I was, that the seven page police report had been memorized by several of the staff and was quoted at the daily zoom meeting.
The officer did a remarkably good job in writing down all of the details and reading the 7 pages made me laugh until tears streamed down my cheeks. I include two paragraphs. The mixture of methamphetamine culture crashing into two huge guys trying to make a get away in a little Smart Car while catching up on the crimes of Donald J Trump created a Mel Brooks type juxtaposition worthy of Mel Brooks. That the policeman captured every detail deserves an award for police reporting.
Party # 2: P-2 was driving V -2 (Smart Car). Pinchbeck was in the front passenger seat.
P-2 saw V-1 (Chevrolet) stopped at the stop sign of Willow and Hobsonway, V-2 turned southbound on the 100 block of south Willow. P-1 (Singer was in the driver seat of V-1, P 2 heard the horn from V-1 honking and saw P-1 flipping off P-2. V-1 left the area. P-2 saw V-1 was stopped at the intersection of Hobsonway and Main. P-2 saw P-1 exit V-1s front passenger seat, walked towards V-2, act as if he removed a firearm from his waist band and point it towards P-2 and W-1 yelling, I am going to fucking kill you!. P-2 fearing for his and W-1s safety drove away. V-2s front passenger side bumper collided with P-1. V-2 fled the scene. P-2 saw V-1 was following after him. P-2 telephoned the Blythe Police Department to report this incident.
Party #3 P-3, Grant P-3 was driving V-3. P-3 was stopped at the stoplight at Hobsonway and Main Street facing eastbound. P-3 was on his cellular phone checking the news about President Donald J. Trump being impeached. P-3 heard bangs the P-3 saw P-1 on top of V-3, P-3 saw P-2 and W-1 in V-2 (Smart Car). P-2 and W-1 appeared to be in fear of P-1. P-1 did not appear to be injured. V-2 left the scene. P-1 picked up an unknown item off the ground and threw it at V-2. P-1 entered V-1 and drove after V-2. P-3 telephoned the Blythe Police Department to report this incident.
Sarah,I received a call from the GEICO adjuster yesterday and I walked him through the police report.
I explained who two very large geeky guys were wedged in very small Smart car which attracted the attention of two "tweakers" (police description) at a previous stop light and that a "road rage" (more accurately a "stop light rage" interaction between the two sets of drivers and passengers started with a lot of mutual "flipping off" of each other.
They then sped around a bit with the Smart car trying to avoid the Tweaker Car.
At this point I become involved (Car 3 in the police report) as I was updating myself on the impeachment of Donald J Trump (which is accurately recorded in the police report) I was looking down on my phone and heard a loud bang and looked up to find the rear end of someone heavily tattooed wearing jeans on my windshield. He had exited the car and was yelling at the Smart car contingent who had drifted from their lane and struck my car. The Tweaker passenger was not hurt.
The Smart Car (whose driver and passenger had lost all coloring in their face) backed up and the Tweaker passenger then reached into his belt and pulled out an imaginary gun (I think he was imagining it was a Glock) and yelled "Bang Bang Bang Bang, I am going to Fucking Kill You" (again accurately recorded into the police report) while snapping the imaginary Glock and unloading the clip into the terrified Smart Car.
Realizing that shooting an imaginary gun may have been somewhat ineffective the Tweaker Passenger reached down on to the ground and picked up an imaginary stone and heaved it at the Smart Car with the same effect as the imaginary Glock.
The terrified Smart Car exited the area at about 15 MPH and fled to the police station. The Tweaker passenger jumped into the Tweaker Chevrolet and drove off. I waited for the police.
The GEICO adjuster enjoyed this explanation and stated that he really wanted to find a way to pay this claim so that I could get my deductible back but he pointed out that their client was the driver of the Tweaker car and not the passenger and given that their client's car had not struck mine then he was certain his supervisor would not approve the claim.
I told him that he needed to check for the "Breaking Bad" exception where either the driver or passenger of a car appears to be out of the gang opposing Walter White then the claim must be automatically paid. He said that he would try but that we should try to pursue a claim against the passenger who triggered the incident. I told him that I think that the Tweaker who used an imaginary gun and an imaginary rock probably used an imaginary insurance company.
It does occur to me that Esurance should try to claim against the Smart car because that was the car that actually struck me.
Hope this helps.