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Marthe48

(16,935 posts)
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 04:19 PM Mar 2021

I have letters from a relative who passed away almost 50 years ago

He was my great-aunt's only child. I don't know the story of how he came to be. My great aunt was 22 when he was born, in 1913. She was the oldest of 3 sisters. For what-ever reason, she had the baby, and in 1921, when he was under 10 years old, he was put into foster care. How do I know this? In the 1970s, we were cleaning out the garage at my grandmother's house. My great-aunt had lived with my grandmother from about 1958 until she passed away in 1972. Her belongings had been stored in the back of the garage. There wasn't much of value, but as I was sorting through things, I found an old tin box. Inside the box was a bundle of letters. I looked at a couple then, and realized they were all from her son to her, spanning the 1930s into the 1940s. I kept the letters and when we had time, my husband and I read every single one of them. It was wrenching. He strove to have a relationship with his mother. He accomplished so many things, from running in races, to serving in the military to putting himself though art school and having a successful career as a commercial artist. She kept the letters. He moved around a lot, especially while he served in the military, and she saved every one of his addresses. He mentioned in letters that he had heard from her, but as far as I know, she never acknowledged him outside of our family. She never married. My parents mentioned that she had had 'brain fever' as a young woman and she was always kind of odd. She was always good to us kids and we loved when she came to visit.

He maintained a relationship with my family. I remember that when I was very young, he came to visit for holidays. I have a feeling he finally realized that he was not going to get an acknowledgement of his existence from his mother, or love, and went her own way. As time goes on, the letters seem to express, one way or another, his frustration as he tried to move his family to accept him.

I was scanning some family pictures yesterday. I didn't recognize anyone in a particular picture, and that moved me to check some dates on Family Search. It was a little challenging, but I got some information about him. It is possible that he might be in the picture, but I will have to do some further checking.

When we first found these letters in the 1970s, I wanted to write a novel and incorporate his letters into the story. It was overwhelming. I got the letters out last night, to see if there was a birth certificate, and even glancing at a couple of the letters brought back the feelings that this man was special. In spite of his family, he achieved a great deal and found it in him to share his abilities. I still think that his story should be shared, just to vindicate him.

He passed away in 1975. I imagine his widow is passed by now. I think he had 3 children. His family didn't keep in touch. I reached out after my grandmother passed away, but it was probably too little, too late. Should I let the letters stay in the drawer? Should I try to work something out? I guess just describing in general here is a start.

What would you do? Thank you for ideas.


11 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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I have letters from a relative who passed away almost 50 years ago (Original Post) Marthe48 Mar 2021 OP
why don't you cross post this in the genealogy group? Grasswire2 Mar 2021 #1
Great question - I'm in a similar situation Xipe Totec Mar 2021 #2
I bet that is an amazing story! Marthe48 Mar 2021 #7
Try to contact any of his children or grandchildren. 3Hotdogs Mar 2021 #3
If I can track them down again, I can see Marthe48 Mar 2021 #8
I conduct DNA adoption searches. And advise people about making contact Irish_Dem Mar 2021 #4
Thank you for the ideas Marthe48 Mar 2021 #6
I would advise scanning, not transcribing. Irish_Dem Mar 2021 #9
I conduct DNA adoption searches. And advise people about making contact Irish_Dem Mar 2021 #5
Memoir content... Claire Oh Nette Mar 2021 #10
Family history... Trueblue Texan Apr 2021 #11

Xipe Totec

(43,890 posts)
2. Great question - I'm in a similar situation
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 04:30 PM
Mar 2021

I have letters from my great grandfather, written while in prison for suspicion of insurrection during the Mexican Revolution. In the letters he's trying to arrange for the release of his son (my grandfather) also in prison under the same charge. My grandfather escaped on his own by charming an officer's daughter who stole the key so that he could escape. All this happened around the 1910's.

I don't know how my great grandfather managed release, but he did.

3Hotdogs

(12,372 posts)
3. Try to contact any of his children or grandchildren.
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 04:42 PM
Mar 2021

I have cousins, let's say that their 3 fathers were flakes. Sometimes difficult to be their kids.

Their fathers, my uncles, had exceptionally difficult childhoods. When I described some of their fathers' childhood experiences to my cousins, it seemed to bring relief to them to understand the background of their fathers' upbringing.

I explained that their fathers' parenting skills may not have been the best, but they probably did the best they could, given the parenting they experienced. (Depression kids, my grandparents on welfare and grandparents were adult children of alcoholics).

It is possible that your cousin's kids may have questions about their father, his life experiences and their relatives.

Marthe48

(16,935 posts)
8. If I can track them down again, I can see
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 05:21 PM
Mar 2021

if they'd like to know anything.

It would be hard for me to tell them about their family without complicating the story with my branch of the family. In the 70's it would've been a lot easier. But they didn't ask.

Irish_Dem

(46,922 posts)
4. I conduct DNA adoption searches. And advise people about making contact
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 04:44 PM
Mar 2021

with DNA relatives. I know yours is not a DNA question, but a contact of relative questions.

1. You have a right to reach out to relatives. They of course have a right to accept or reject contact.
Sometimes a good relationship develops, sometimes not.

2. You should decide what you want to do about the letters. Do you want to share them with your cousin's offspring?

3. If you complete a family tree for your cousin, you should be able to track down living relatives.
And you can call, FB, or email them. Keep first contact short, people get overwhelmed with too much information in first contact.

Hope this helps, let me know if I can help more.

Marthe48

(16,935 posts)
6. Thank you for the ideas
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 05:16 PM
Mar 2021

I did reach out to the family, about another matter. I think my aunt died with no assets, not sure, but she worked as a maid before she got sick. She had a stroke and came to live with my grandmother, and never recovered. My grandmother passed away in 1979. My grandmother left her grandkids, my generation, a little money. I got in touch with the family, because I wanted them to have some of this money. I got in touch, sent them some money. The check was cashed, but there was no more contact. I can't remember if if was his widow, or one of the children I talked to. I didn't expect they'd want to reach out.

I don't know the cousins given names or where they are now. When I contacted them, there was no Internet. I don't even know how I found them. I remember I put their contact information on a piece of paper, but after all these years, I can't find it. If I did anything with the letters, I would make every effort to reach out. After I found some information on Family Search, I looked a little further, but not for long. I can't find a birth certificate for my cousin, for instance. Or marriage license. I found his wife's name on his death certificate. He lived in several states before he settled down, so finding his information is a job.

I think at the every least, I will start scanning or transcribing the letters. They are in amazingly good condition, for being stored so long, and under iffy conditions. Maybe as I do that, I'll se the way to go.

I have the love letters my Dad sent my Mom, and I have no desire to do anything but keep them safe. I read the greeting on one, and was like, back in the box

Irish_Dem

(46,922 posts)
9. I would advise scanning, not transcribing.
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 05:40 PM
Mar 2021

Genealogists and other researchers prefer original documents.
Not translations or transcription which can contain mistakes.

Yes work on the scanning, and perhaps the next step will become clear.

If you want to contact your cousins, you can go on Family Search, look for the offspring of your great aunt and go from there to find birth certificates, etc. Then use google and FB to track down these folks.

Irish_Dem

(46,922 posts)
5. I conduct DNA adoption searches. And advise people about making contact
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 04:45 PM
Mar 2021

with DNA relatives. I know yours is not a DNA question, but a contact of relative questions.

1. You have a right to reach out to relatives. They of course have a right to accept or reject contact.
Sometimes a good relationship develops, sometimes not.

2. You should decide what you want to do about the letters. Do you want to share them with your cousin's offspring?

3. If you complete a family tree for your cousin, you should be able to track down living relatives.
And you can call, FB, or email them. Keep first contact short, people get overwhelmed with too much information in first contact.

Hope this helps, let me know if I can help more.

Claire Oh Nette

(2,636 posts)
10. Memoir content...
Sat Mar 13, 2021, 08:15 PM
Mar 2021

what a rich vein of ore to mine... lots of possibilities in that package.

Good luck, and happy writing!

Trueblue Texan

(2,425 posts)
11. Family history...
Thu Apr 8, 2021, 08:45 AM
Apr 2021

At the very least, you should capture these details in your own family history to be passed down to future generations. I think there are even libraries devoted to family histories. You can take classes to steer you on how to structure a family history where you might find inspiration on how to chronicle this relative's influence on you and your family.

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