Deshaun Watson Rethinks Life Choices After Finding Self On Browns

[milestogo]

CLEVELAND—In the wake of news headlines detailing yet another scandal involving the NFL quarterback, Deshaun Watson admitted to reporters Wednesday that he was seriously rethinking his life choices after finding himself on the Cleveland Browns. “There’s no clearer sign that you’ve completely hit rock bottom than realizing you’re on the field at FirstEnergy Stadium,” said a visibly distraught Watson, adding that he hoped being on the Cleveland Browns roster provided the wake-up call he needed to finally turn his life around. “I went through some times when things got pretty bad, and I just ignored it and kept going.

But then one day, it hit me: I’m in the Cleveland Browns’ home locker room, and I have no one to blame but myself. In some ways, I’m grateful to end up here—it’s like the universe is trying to tell me something. Maybe you just have to find yourself in my position, realizing that everything you’ve done in life has led you to quarterbacking the Browns, to understand how bad things have truly gotten. I only hope there’s still time to get back on track, and maybe, if I work hard enough, I can end up in the NFC West someday.” At press time, Watson had reportedly gone on an angry drug-fueled binge after someone offered him a look at the rest of the Browns’ roster.

https://www.theonion.com/deshaun-watson-rethinks-life-choices-after-finding-self-1849004731

[Ferrets are Cool]

1. Fuck him. Maybe he should have rethought his choices after his FIRST assault.

OMG, I can't tell anymore when it's the Onion.

[Hugh_Lebowski]

2. It's The Onion

I mean sure, fuck him, but ... not for this satirical story.

[brush]

3. There are just too many women coming forward...

where there's smoke, there's fire.

When there were just 22 women and no criminal charges he should've kept quiet and realized how lucky he was to get out of it. Instead he said he had no regrets because he had done nothing wrong. That upset some women who hadn't come forward and the floodgates opened again as the NYT now says it's 66 women.

Guess he thought he was like Kraft, the Patriots owner, who got away with it once and got caught. But Kraft is a white, male billionaire and the legal system has long been geared to favor rich, white men, not POCs.

One other thing that both of these cases have ignored, the elephant in the room is that many establishments in the message parlor industry do discreetly provide sexual release. It's no secret but it's kept quiet, which is why Kraft and Watson found themselves caught up in it.

[Auggie]

4. ROFL -- love it!

I thought it was real a few sentences in.