An Atheist’s Telethon to Raise Money for a More Accessible Bible

[rug]

November 22, 2013
By Jessica Bluemke

Have you ever thought about reading the Bible and then thought to yourself “Naw, that writing is the worst!”

Well, you wouldn’t be wrong, and we have a solution for you!

Jacob Fortin of The Good Atheist fame is working on translating (for lack of a better word) the Bible into regular human words that are compelling, funny, yet still aligned with the original texts. Here’s a preview:

In the beginning of everything that ever was, God created the heavens and the Earth. A boring, formless mass of liquid cloaked in darkness, the Earth had relatively low property value but tons of potential. The Spirit of God, hovering above it like a comic book villain, said “Let there be light” and the whole place lit up magically without any point of origin. To ensure this bright new creation would forever be different from the black void, the Creator named one of them ‘light’ and the other ‘darkness’. God saw what he had done, and needless to say, was extremely impressed with himself (I mean, wouldn’t you be?).

Awesome — the whole book of Genesis is ready to go and can be found here.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/11/22/an-atheists-telethon-to-raise-money-for-a-more-accessible-bible/

http://www.jacobfortin.com/bible-stories-genesis/

I wonder who might be reading from this on Sunday mornings.

[cbayer]

1. Might be read at the new Sunday Assemblies for non-believers.

Some of it is pretty funny, but it's clearly meant to entertain and not at all serious.

Kind of like Steven Colbert's books.

[longship]

2. Well, kudos for him... However...

There are apparently many Bible translations with updated language. Some are better than others. Some are horrible (Good News Bible) according to scholars.

I tried to read the King James in my youth. It was horrible. I couldn't get through Leviticus and stopped. Numbers is worse.

The Bible Geek -- a former devout Christian, now atheist with two PhDs on the Bible -- likes the early Revised Standard Version, but as he is a Bible scholar I cannot attest to whether it is much better for those who are not.

At any rate, I have lost interest in desiring to actually read the thing. In spite of that I still have an interest in what it says.

[haikugal]

3. I thought Jefferson did that already….n/t

[rug]

4. No, he produced a version of the New Testament from which he removed supernatural references.

He didn't add snide running commentary but considered it an examination of ethics, not questionable satire.

Here it is:

http://uuhouston.org/files/The_Jefferson_Bible.pdf

These are the last lines:

Then took they the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen cloths with the spices, as the manner of the Jews is to bury.

Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden; and in the garden a new sepulchre, wherein was never man yet laid.

There laid they Jesus,

And rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed.

[pangaia]

5. +254,739

[haikugal]

7. Yes…I'm aware.

The point being all supernatural bs has been removed….the questionable history still remains. I didn't realize this new 'translation' has 'snide running commentary'….

[rug]

10. When his page with Genesis is back up you'll see it.

In the meanwhile, this is from the OP.

A boring, formless mass of liquid cloaked in darkness, the Earth had relatively low property value but tons of potential.

[struggle4progress]

6. Translation might be something of an art. I think I prefer something like this:

At the top Elohiym filled out sky and land

Land confused unfilled darkness on deep-sea face

Elohiym-wind fluttering on waters face

Elohiym said Be light! and light existed

Elohiym saw light begin shining

Distinguished light from darkness: Elohiym called to light Day! and to darkness called Night!

Evening was and morning was one day

[dimbear]

11. An actual accurate translation of the text as we have it today needs to be confusing and sound

garbled to be accurate, to reflect the way the text has been transmitted to us. Any smooth reading translation is a travesty. There's a reason the books tell the same story repeatedly and reintroduce characters that are already on stage.

Take a good look at a Greek interlinear, everybody. You don't need to know Greek to get the point.

[okasha]

13. The Greek interlinears

translate word for word, maintaining the Greek word order without regard to syntax. Greek and English syntax are very different. The Greek is not "garbled and confused," nor should a good translation of it be.

[dimbear]

14. Evidently a difference of opinion on a matter of fact. Anyone interested can readily resolve

by having a look at, for instance, the Gospel of Mark.

It's worth your trouble at least once.

[okasha]

15. Here's how interlinears work.

Let's take the Spanish quote from Pinto's OP about attending Mass this morning--"Te amo, mi amigo."--and, just for fun, complicate it a bit: Te amo, amigo querido mio. An interlinear would render this as "You I love, friend dear my." The English is a mess, and no competent translator would render it that way. Yet English and Spanish are far closer syntactically than English and Greek.

And yes, Mark's Greek is generally considered awkward. Luke's and Matthew's, on the other hand, is not. You do need to know Greek to see that for yourself, though.

[dimbear]

17. Interlinear just means between the lines, as you might expect. An interlinear translation of

poetry might well be in natural order in the new language. For NT Greek, an interlinear is as you say, but they almost always are accompanied by a natural order translation.
It's not really fair to grade Matthew's Greek, since at least some believe Matthew to be a translation from Aramaic. Luke was a much better author than Mark, he or she cleans up the grammar errors and some of the factual errors, but naturally introduces new errors of his/her own. Paul was the sophisticate out of all of them but his letters have suffered greatly from interpolation and forgery.
BTW IMHO the very crudeness of Mark suggests its priority. An example of why Mark should be translated into substandard English would be a translation of Huckleberry Finn. One wouldn't expect the Spanish language Huck to be all "con su permiso, vuestra majestad" to the ladies in town.

[okasha]

19. Scholars tend to agree

that Mark was the earliest gospel (at least, earliest surviving gospel), written very soon after the end of the Roman destruction of Jerusalem. There is some indication that there was an even earlier gospel of Matthew, now lost, but that one is said to have been written in Hebrew. In any case, the quality of Matthew's Greek does not depend on the language of the original. Matthew may have been written--or translated, if there was an earlier MS--at Alexandria, where there was a thriving Jewish population and ready access to the Museion.

I still see no reason why Mark should be rendered in substandard English. Really substandard English is difficult for the reader and would require excessive footnoting. Just how difficult it is--I once classified a student for purposes of a supplemental tutoring program as "limited Enlglish." She was from Appalachia.

[okasha]

8. The lolcats version is funnier

and much better "aligned" with the text.

[Jim__]

9. Glenn Beck translated "The Federalist Papers."

Yes, from English to English. He also added commentary. Great minds and all that.

[edhopper]

12. I for one

find it quite amusing and iconoclastic. I suppose I am more of the target audience than those who think the text sacred.

[Lordquinton]

16. I always liked the new teen bible

And God said to Moses "Dude, it's gonna rain for hellla days and hella nights, bro you gotta build your self a boat!"

And Moses said "Dude, you gotta tell Noah man!"

And God said "Awh man you're totally right!"

[rug]

18. What decade are those teens supposed to be from?

[Lordquinton]

20. The 90's brah

Pontias Pilate totally nailed Jesus to his surf board