15-Year-Old Atheist Converts To Christianity For All The Right Reasons

[rug]

May 22, 2017
by Andrew Hall

Fifteen-year-old Barry Damon is converting to whatever Christian sect his soon-to-be girlfriend Marilyn Shaw is. Barry told reporters that his dedication to Richard Dawkins is secondary to “the deep personal connection” he has to the girl he sits next to in Algebra class.

Even though he hasn’t talked to Marilyn, the bass fishing enthusiast can discern from the sidelong glances she gives him that there is a deep connection between their two respective souls. “I heard that she may be Episcopalian. That has to be the one true faith because she is so perfect,” stated the 1oth grader.

Barry went on to say that whatever flavor of Christianity she is, it’s got to be better than hanging around the house on Sunday and listening to Mom and Dad rant about Donald Trump while watching Meet the Press. “It gets so irritating it makes me want to vote Republican when I get older,” Barry stated.

There are other, deeper reasons why Barry wants to leave the faithlessness of his parents. The local Episcopalian church has that air hockey table in the basement, and he dominates that game. When pushed on the subject, Barry admits that he’s a bit of an architecture nerd, and he loves the fact that St John’s Episcopal Church was built in the Carpenter Gothic style. Barry Damon’s next big move in courting Marilyn is strategically dropping his pencil on the floor and asking her to pick it up. “It’s in Jesus’ hands after that,” he grinned.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/laughingindisbelief/2017/05/15-year-old-atheist-converts-christianity-right-reasons/

[Volstagg]

1. Now that's good satire.

Notch below The Onion and Borowitz, but solid.

[rug]

2. It needed paragraph spacing.

[Volstagg]

3. Agreed.

Much better with the paragraphing.