My two dogs, Dude and Sam have a religious dispute
with opossums. Opossums, you see, do not believe in the same things dogs do, so they are not to be tolerated in any way. Now, my dogs rarely come into contact with opossums, since they know only our back yard and the neighborhood in which we walk them. Still, they instinctively know that opossums are evil and non-believers.
Yesterday evening, about 8 PM, I heard raucous barking from our snow covered backyard. It sounded for all the world like a pair of tent revival preachers shouting a fire and brimstone sermon. I went out to investigate. It turned out that they had cornered one smallish opossum under a picnic table in our yard, and were attempting either to save its soul or attack it. As they could not reach it, they were shouting at it as if to convince it of the superiority of dog beliefs.
I approached the dogs and interrupted their sermon, directing them in no uncertain terms to return into the house through their dog door. After a short delay, they acceded to my wishes. I am their deity, after all, and they must obey me.
I looked under the picnic table, and sure enough, there was the opossum, cowering in fear at the boisterous religious fervor of the dogs. I spoke calmly to the pitiful creature, taking pity on its ignorance of the dog religion. The poor faithless animal seemed to relax a bit. I got my aluminum grain scoop, which we use for specific snow removal tasks, and gently picked up the marsupial with the shovel.
I carried it on the shovel outside of the fence around the back yard and deposited it gently to the side of the garage, where the roof overhang could provide some shelter. I spoke gently again to the animal, explaining that our home was a safe haven for worshipers of the dog religion only. I explained that it would be well advised not to return. It did not reply, but walked slowly toward the back of the garage.
The dogs do not understand that it is impossible to convert an opossum to the dog religion. As one of the deities worshiped by dogs, I know that opossums cannot experience the same faith as dogs. I suppose they have their own deities, but have not met those, myself. To each his own is my declaration. Let dogs worship humans and leave opossums to their own faiths.
= new reply since forum marked as read
That's because the opossum sacrificed them all.
