Please pray for me as I go through a relationship separation.

[intheflow]

I'm not homeless, but we aren't together any more. I'm actively looking for affordable housing for myself and my dog in a very tight market. I will be losing my garden, possibly the only thing besides my dog that gives me true joy in life. And my dog's getting old. And I'm getting old, trying to reinvent myself again in grad school at 51, and being derailed again because another relationship ends with my personal diaspora. I've moved over 20 times in 30 years. I don't want to move again. Holding much unknown in my heart tonight, and much weariness. Please say a prayer for me.

[NRaleighLiberal]

1. .

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. ...

[No Vested Interest]

3. In my prayers. nt

[hrmjustin]

4. You are in my prayers.

[okasha]

5. And in mine.

[uppityperson]

6. to you my friend

[Ken Burch]

7. So sorry to hear of your pain and your struggle.

You are not alone, and I think better times will come for you.

[Elmer S. E. Dump]

8. I'm not a prayer, but I'll send you some love and support!

[MADem]

9. I'm so sorry. There's no way you can "migrate" the relationship to a roommate situation?

Perhaps stay in the same place, in a different room? Is there enough room for that, and willingness to compromise? Does your ex like the dog at all? I mean, at least for the sake of the pooch, is there any possibility to work out something so that you can stay put?

Is your name on the lease? That's a key aspect of staying or going, beyond a relationship split. So long as your name is on that document, you're pecuniarily responsible for that bill and any damages. Something to consider.

If you can work something out so you both stay put, it'll be hard when your ex starts dating again, but if you have your garden and your dog, well, it could be worse.

I have a cousin who lived in the same triplex as her husband's ex-wife. I was amazed at how well they all got along, and it was easier on the kids. I also have a friend who married her SISTER's ex-husband. You'd think that would have made for awkward family gatherings, but it didn't. I knew them for over a year before anyone bothered to clue me in on the relationships!

People can "transition" their associations, if they try. It takes work, it takes maturity, it takes a bit of "letting go" while staying put.... but it takes way less work than moving!

[intheflow]

11. We're cohousing until I can find something.

It's his property, so my name isn't on any lease. We actually have two dogs who are very bonded, but I can only afford to take the dog I brought into the relationship with me when I go. He's crazy about both dogs, so I'm hoping we can work out visitation rights of some sort. I'd say lack of emotional maturity on his part is the #1 reason for this split, so I don't think co-housing is viable in the long term. But I would love to try it if circumstances were different. Thank you for your kind input and suggestions.

[MADem]

12. Have you broached the subject at all? Offered to adhere to household rules, or anything of that

nature? Is the split rancorous, or just matter-of-fact? Is there enough privacy in the home to support two "roommates" who are polite and sensitive to one another and know how to get out of the way?

Believe me, I know that these kinds of things can be difficult. I most certainly do feel your pain. And I can most certainly understand your concerns, not just for yourself but your dog as well. You are quite right, the dogs will be distraught if they are separated--they don't understand these things like we pretend to.

If he's the less mature one, and don't take this the wrong way...but perhaps he can be guided to come to a sensible decision. If you normally fulfill certain roles, perhaps there's a way to make him realize that he'll lose the benefit of your gardening, or housekeeping, or cooking, etc., if you move on--that even with a change of status in the relationship, that it still works on some levels and why not just leave things as they are.

Is it an irretrievable circumstance? I don't mean in terms of the personal relationship, but in terms of the relationship devolving into friendship? Lots of hate and animosity and resentment? If so, any way to try to dial that back? If there's a new person in the mix, can that person be integrated into the dynamic or is that just too difficult? Do you see any point in making the offer? If you think I am being nosy, truly, I am not, I don't need answers to these questions, I am just asking them to give you a framework for working through your issues--I am just trying to give you an outsider's perspective, because I have seen this kind of thing happen before, and I've seen good outcomes, and not-so-good, too.

If you can't tamp down the dynamic to stay put for a while, they say living well is the best revenge. Perhaps you'll find a beautiful English basement with a garden/fenced yard for the dog, with a kind landlord/lady who isn't nosy and just likes a cup of tea and a chat every week or so, and who will love the dog like a family member and babysit if you have to go out of town! It would be so much easier, though, if you could move on under your own steam and on your own timeline, without stress or agita.

In any event, here's a big virtual -- I hope you not just land on your feet, but come through this stronger than ever.

[No Vested Interest]

14. MADem - I love your problem-solving techniques.

What good neighbor you must be.
What the world needs now....

[MADem]

15. It's funny what the Navy teaches ya! Necessity was the mother of invention...!

I do like peace and harmony, and I like cards on the table! Grab that problem, shake it loose, and solve it!

My neighbors do like me because I'm really not one of those nosy ones, we pretty much stick to ourselves, day in and out, we don't socialize or have block parties (it's all geezers like me and busy young families, pretty much) --but they do know, if they have an emergency, need a ride, need a pet looked after, need a light bulb changed, a walkway shoveled, kid locked out and needs a place to wait for mom, something from the grocer, whatever, all they have to do is pick up the phone or come bang on my door--if there's need, I'm happy to help. Why not? I've got the time!

I've got a pegboard in my house with five sets of keys!

[Jim Lane]

10. I went through a time of moving a lot. Really wears on you.

I hope you and your loyal dog find a good situation!

[femmocrat]

13. Sending you best wishes, intheflow.

Hope everything works out for you soon.

[beerdragon]

16. hang in there

Prayers outbound for sure. Sounds like you've been through a lot. That was forging for what your life hold, you can get through!!! God bless my friend