God releases Crab 2.0 featuring forward motion
At an open-air press conference held at the summit of Mount Sinai today, God, creator of all things, revealed the long-awaited upgrade of the crab.
‘For the first time, Crab 2.0 comes with the ability to move forwards and backwards rather than sideways,’ said the Almighty, speaking in a stentorian voice and wearing his trademark turtleneck halo. ‘In the old version you never knew if the crab was coming or going, so this is a considerable breakthrough for crustacean technology. However, we have had to compromise the design with a rear-view mirror so they can get used to new methods of navigation.’
God admitted that the DNA evolution software He had fitted to all living creatures at the beginning of creation had proved to be rather unreliable, so He had been forced to abandon other projects and stepped in to improve the design attributes of several creatures. But He refused to apologise for the delay in upgrading the crab.
‘It takes time to get these things right,’ He said. ‘We have to remember what happened to the unicorn. We rushed the release of the new version and, thanks to a glitch in the DNA programming, it evolved into the rhinoceros.’
http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2011/12/26/god-releases-crab-2-0-featuring-forward-motion/
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