Been thinking about how much religion has done to my life.
Now that I have had the time to really look at my life, I hate to say it. But religion really did damage and I could have done something but out of fear I didn't.
I thought I had to bend to my father's demands and do things a certain way or god would punish me. I could have call CPS and got help but to do that would have been dishonoring my parents. Or that was what I thought. I could have reached out to mom's side but once again that dishonoring thing.
I had to bottle up a lot of myself because it was not "godly". And I did take a lot of punishment for what I did show.
I was raised in a way that made me feel responsible for the well being of the family. I was a kid, a young kid. Cleaning the house, making meals, taking care of my siblings at age 8 all because I was raised to believe it was my responsibility demanded by god. I was 10 years old when I had to take up this role.
Granted that was the time my mother became terribly ill, but I was just a kid. But my preacher father said that since I was a girl it was born into me to be able to do that stuff and I needed to take up the housekeeping duties because that was how god designed it.
Instead of being a teenager, I had to help homeschool my siblings since it was my fault I was physically beat up in school. And when I did get a job, instead of saving my money for college I had to give it to my father to pay bill. Because again, it was to "honor" the parents that gave me life.
I had to rebel to go to college. Dad hated it. He did not make going to college easy either.
And I took it because I thought I would be sent to hell for all eternity if I didn't. Believing in something that there was no physical, provable and testable evidence in. It took me so long to see it.
Just thinking about how my life could have been if I wasn't tied down to religion is heartbreaking. But I guess a number of Atheists have a similar story.
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I started in a Southern Babtist church scared as hell. As I got older, I told myself there has to be more to this shit than fire & brimstone. I tried different churches and finally ended up in a Gay MCC church that welcomes all. I am at peace with God knowing he is all knowing but most of all he is all loving.
I am sorry that you had that experience. 
I'll leave you with this, God loves you & peace be upon you. 
I never declared myself a Buddhist, but I was very impressed with the original Buddha and his teachings! Among all of the popular "religions" around the world, it's one of the most agreeable for me!
I used to have a coworker/friend who was a Vietnamese-American, so I know that some modern Buddhists have broken away from the original. I visited the friend and his family several times in the past, and one time I asked him about the mostly-rotten orange they had placed on a mantle in their home. He said it was a tribute to Buddha, to gain his favor and to hopefully achieve a happy after-life! I told him that an after-life was not a concern of Buddha, from what I'd previously read (and also learned from a PBS documentary), and he replied that nobody would care about it unless there was an after-life! 
If even animals know how to be kind and grateful to others, I don't see the necessity for most religions... which often make people "tribal" and cruel to others who don't share their particular egotistical beliefs.
There's enough religion in the world to make us hate each other, but not enough to make us love each other.
Guilt and fear are necessary for religion to succeed. It sounds like you succumbed to enough of that guilt and fear for five lifetimes. Of course having a father who was a preacher really put you in the religious crucible.
As a child you could never escape it. It was there morning, noon, and night. Most people are only subjected to it at a fraction of your exposure to "god's love". 
As a female in a male dominated religion you had exponentially more guilt/fear and responsibility heaped upon you.
There's no quick fix for a childhood so damaged by something that is supposed to bring you so much love and joy. It brought you nothing but the direct opposite. I wish you nothing but the best in your future trying to forget your past. 
weighing you down too! 😳
I never met a Baptist until I went to College. I grew up in white-bread protestant country in the north. We were Lutheran, but my paternal grandmother was a Jehovah's Witness. When we were small my sister and I stayed with her during the day during summer recess, because my Mom and Dad both worked. She forced us to go to her "bible studies" with her, but we raised such a ruckus she'd make us go outside and play. 😊 Thank you!
In our church I'd see the same people on Sundays singing hymns of praise, who I saw Saturday night out drinking and pawing at each others' wives (and vice-versa).
So at a young age I got to see the craziness of religion along with it's hypocrisy. Lessons well learned.
Sounds like you're dealing well with your childhood abuse, but you'll never know what could have been in a more normal environment. Don't dwell on things in the past. Don't let those thoughts linger. Forward, always look forward, and be the person you want to be, not what some person or myth wants you to be. Hold your head high and greet the world with the goodness you've created within yourself. That's the greatest feeling of all.
Take care my friend.
