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Sun May 21, 2017, 01:09 PM

Realities of going on

First of all, I appreciate the support I am getting on DU. And the support I get from my loved ones. It is unbelievably hard to get up, wade through yet another day, go to bed and do it every day over and over, without my dear husband by me. Our daughters, sons-in-law and I are sticking together and trying to help each other find strength for this.

Along with the emotional flatline, I am taking care of what is left of our world. We bought a bigger house the end of 2014 and moved from our ranch to it, but never finished moving, or selling the ranch. When John got sick, we talked it over and decided to move from the big house back to the ranch, so it'd be easier for his needs. That worked out fine, but we didn't finish moving from the big house to the ranch, so for almost 3 years, our stuff has been in 2 places. And still is. I hired a contractor and got some basic work done on both houses, and soon, I'll have a mover bring the rest of my stuff over to the ranch house and then put the big house on the market. We lived in the ranch for over 25 years, and my memories of the good times are here, not in the big house. I am chipping away at this project, knowing life will be less complicated after it is done, but also wondering what the void will feel like, when I don't have this project insulating me from missing John. Right now, I can successfully not think about it, but man, something pokes a hole in the wall, and I lose days just sitting on the couch. But I need to at least try, so when I have some energy, I get things done. Along with the 2 houses, we have a place on the river, about 1/2 hour from the house. We bought it in 1995, for the time we'd be too old to drive to the beach. John didn't make it to being that old, but we enjoyed driving down and spending the day there. The Little Kanawha in WV is very pretty. I am planning to sell the camp because I don't think I can give it the attention to keep it nice. A neighbor there has mowed for the last year and will continue for me. A month ago, he told me someone might be interested in buying it. I haven't advertised it, dealing with the camp is down on my list, but I gave him a price, which I thought was low enough I would not have to fool around. Includes 2 flat improved lots, a 36 ft. camper, and a riding mower. There was a key there, so the neighbor let them in. I got pneumonia again, so I was glad to let the neighbor handle that. So the interested guy calls me this morning, and starts talking about repairs the camper needs. I told him my price for just 2 lots was more than fair, I haven't advertised, wasn't planning to sell, and if he wants it, it'll be at that price, as is where is. And I finally told him that it was overwhelming just to be talking to him. I haven't told anyone, but if I do advertise it, it'll be for a higher price, because taking the steps to sell means I'm able to participate in the process. The will and estate things are moving along, and I have a good lawyer watching out for me.
Since I got sick (2nd pneumonia since Nov. note to self, avoid wet leaves forever), I've been deeper in the pit, and this isn't a good time to deal with anything. I was going to post yesterday, but didn't have the energy. But today, just trying to find a balance between what I want to do (nothing) and things I should tend to, seems like such a hard job. How does anyone do it? I took care of my Mom's estate, but it took 8 years for me to do all that needed to be done. I hope it won't take me that long to settle all of this, because just the maintenance on 3 properties is daunting. At least the mowing is all set for now, thanks to many kind people.
Thanks for listening, I just wanted to push the mouse off the wheel for awhile.

9 replies, 6500 views

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Arrow 9 replies Author Time Post
Reply Realities of going on (Original post)
Marthe48 May 2017 OP
shenmue May 2017 #1
Marthe48 May 2017 #4
redwitch May 2017 #2
Marthe48 May 2017 #5
redwitch May 2017 #8
CaliforniaPeggy May 2017 #3
Marthe48 May 2017 #6
elfin May 2017 #7
Marthe48 May 2017 #9

Response to Marthe48 (Original post)

Sun May 21, 2017, 01:26 PM

1. ...

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Response to shenmue (Reply #1)

Sun May 21, 2017, 01:53 PM

4. :)

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Response to Marthe48 (Original post)

Sun May 21, 2017, 01:33 PM

2. A gentle hug for you Marthe48.

Your plate is too full right now but you don't have to do it all at once.

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Response to redwitch (Reply #2)

Sun May 21, 2017, 01:55 PM

5. Thanks redwitch

I was pleased last week when the contractor completed almost all of the last projects John and I talked about doing. I would actually like to adopt the contractor and his wife They are such fine young people. Quite an unexpected bright spot

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Response to Marthe48 (Reply #5)

Sun May 21, 2017, 02:03 PM

8. Some people are just there at the right time and the comfort is enormous.

I am always asking wonderful people to adopt me. I'm 60

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Response to Marthe48 (Original post)

Sun May 21, 2017, 01:43 PM

3. I think you're being smart about what's happening right now.

Set your priorities and feel free to change them if and when you want.

You have a lot of your plate!

I am glad your family is helping, plus your lawyer and your neighbor near the camp.

You will get through this.

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Response to CaliforniaPeggy (Reply #3)

Sun May 21, 2017, 01:58 PM

6. Thanks CaliforniaPeggy

It really helps to talk things out. It is really easy to get snarled up in stuff that doesn't matter. Talking about it helps make it less imposing.

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Response to Marthe48 (Original post)

Sun May 21, 2017, 02:00 PM

7. Wish I didn't know what you are going thru --- but I do

The real estate complications are all too familiar. The daily slog where the minutia of getting thru to night is an ordeal, let alone having to manage big issues.

But the big things can be whittled down to fewer transactions -- hold fast and true and steady to your described very reasonable prices. Too many people (including "friends" take advantage here and there.

Grief is such very hard work. Things do become different and more manageable, but the heartache remains, though more privately experienced.

Eventually the memories lead to grins and laughs instead of sobs.

The hole in the landscape of your life is waiting for new growth after tending to the practicalities. New projects, new acquaintances, new friends and just perhaps, new love await.

I write 20 years after my own loss. Things are good, even though not what I looked forward to.

All the best on your new journey to unfamiliar destinations. May they be surprisingly sweet.

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Response to elfin (Reply #7)

Sun May 21, 2017, 02:10 PM

9. Thank you elfin

You have my deepest sympathy. I like what you said about the landscape of my life. I'll keep that in mind. I tend to be one who nurses the wilting flower and the dying bush.

20 years is a long time. Blessings

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