I just found this post on Facebook, and it is really good:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

http://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/10/31/the-day-ill-finally-stop-grieving/

How long has it been? When is he going to get over that grief and move on already?”

I get it.

I know you might be thinking that about me or about someone else these days.

I know you may look at someone you know in mourning and wonder when they’ll snap out of it.

I understand because I use to think that way too.

Okay, maybe at the time I was self-aware enough or guilty enough not to think it quite that explicitly, even in my own head. It might have come in the form of a growing impatience toward someone in mourning or a gradual dismissing of their sadness over time or maybe in my intentionally avoiding them as the days passed. It was subtle to be sure, but I can distinctly remember reaching the place where my compassion for grieving friends had reached its capacity—and it was long before they stopped hurting.

Back then like most people, my mind was operating under the faulty assumption that grief had some predictable expiration date; a reasonable period of time after which recovery and normalcy would come and the person would return to life as it was before, albeit with some minor adjustments.

I thought all these things, until I grieved.

I never think these things anymore.

[tblue37]

1. Excellent post. I believe that one never fully recovers from losing someone

precious. Even many years later there will be moments of overwhelming grief, though over time for most people they occur less frequently and don't last as long. They also eventually get balanced out by happier memories. Nevertheless, when they hit, they hit hard.

What lessens grief for most is actually just the business of living. Life occupies our time and our minds, so we don't dwell as much on our losses. But in quiet, unoccupied moments, the pain can return.

One way that this business of living distracts us from our grief is by filling our minds and our time with other precious relationships. That is why those who have a strong and wide net of social support weather loss better than those who don't. That is also why the worst thing one can do is to start avoiding a friend who has not yet managed to handle his or her grief.

I was not close to my mother, but when I returned to my home state after her funeral, I had to walk and walk and walk to deal with the loss. The first day back, I walked to our downtown because even though I am a bit of a recluse, I needed to be around people.

As I walked, I couldn't get over the fact that the world was going about its business, oblivious to the astonishing reality that the woman who brought me into this world no longer existed in it. I think someone who keeps talking about their grief with friends does so at least partly in response to a similar feeling.

[AwakeAtLast]

2. I really like that guy

I need to follow him more. Thank you for posting!

[central scrutinizer]

3. I lost Ms. Scrutinizer on 1 March to pancreatic cancer

Still lots of raw edges. Break down crying often. Starting a journal to write down my thoughts and feelings. Whenever I try to vocalize my thoughts I lose my voice and start sobbing?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. I am so sorry for your loss...

That is still very recent so there's no wonder you break down and cry.

Be patient with yourself. This loss will ease up in its own good time but we have no real way to know when that will be.

We all walk our own path with grief and what works by way of help for one may not help another.

There are many good resources here in this Bereavement Group--check them out when you feel like it. And post about your wife! If you want to, of course.

[auntAgonist]

5. Thanks Peggy.

I have lost my Father and my Brother-in-Law in the last little while. Dad June 02 and Richard June 28. I don't even know how to start grieving.
Last year 2 dear friends ... gone.
I don't think I can take a whole lot more. It's changed me but I want the old me back.

kesha

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. I sure do hear you, my dear auntAgonist...

I would give almost anything to have the old me back too. I used to laugh and smile so much more...

It does change you when people you love die. It's hard to explain, but it does.

I think you're still in shock, and of course you are. Two deaths that close together is almost unimaginable. I wish I could help with more than just words, but words are all I have.