3+ months after losing Mom, and I'm having more good days than bad... but

[MissMillie]

Man-oh-man the weather messes with me. Cold and rainy day here, and I just feel like crawling back into bed.

Doesn't help that there's less and less daylight every day.

Soon there will be snow.


UGH!


Today I just feel like I want to hunker down all alone in some hotel room w/ 7 cartons of cigarettes, 3 cases of whiskey, a cat, and room service... and ride everything out until April.

[Walleye]

1. I know that feeling so well. We are sisters in grief

I have learned to live with the grief but it still hard for me especially this time of year. I am a creature of the daylight. Short days are really depressing for me. All I can say is don’t give in, because you have no choice. Hope you feel better 👩?❤️?👩

[Tech]

2. So hard to go through. My moms funeral was a year ago today. She was 91 and led a great life,

But I miss her every day. We had a big Irish funeral with lots of Brandy. Hang in there.

[niyad]

3. Sending hugs, and vibes for healing and peace.

[Siwsan]

4. In my experience, you learn to live with some griefs but never actually move past them.

Out of a family of 6, there's just me and my younger brother left. All but my mother died far before their time. Every few months another anniversary of a birth or death comes along, bringing melancholy along with memories.

But I remember something Joe Biden said - that one day the memory of a lost loved one will bring a smile to your lips, instead of tears to your eyes.

That's starting to happen.

[mopinko]

7. thanks for that reminder. the last time i saw my sister,

who passed 2 yrs ago at only 65, after 10 yrs in a nursing home, i took my dog biff.
didnt know how soon she would die, but it was only months. we were 2 peas in a pod. she wasnt that far away, but i rarely visited. it was just too hard. like seeing myself in that bed.
but biff and i visited, and he got up in the bed for a cuddle, and made her smile.

i dont know where to find the smiles for the 3 babies i lost, tho.
one was a twin, whose brother is a mess and a shit. maybe if he gets his shit together.

[Siwsan]

9. I lost my brother to suicide and my sister to cancer

He was just 25. She was just 58. My Dad was just 72. Mom made it to 87. I lost my sister and mom, just 3 weeks apart. All in all, in the last 5 years I've lost 7 family members.

When my surviving brother came down with Covid, back in March, I was frantic. Fortunately he got past it with no after effects.

It is so hard and I fully cop to having a big dose of 'survivor guilt'. But, I sometimes dig out old photos of the family and remember the good times we had. When ever I'm struggling to try and figure out how to do a home repair, I think of my Dad and how he would handle it. Same thing when I'm cooking - I think 'What would Mom add to this?' My sister was an avid gardener and I feel her around when ever I'm out working in the flower beds. My brother - we were 18 months apart, and were very close. I just think about him all the time.

So for me, at least, grief is an ongoing processing of memories and emotions.

[mopinko]

10. it is for all of us, i think.

i didnt rly think about those babies for 30 yrs. then someone poked me.
told me she had 1 born son, and 1 not born. brought it back in a flood.

lost my dad 5 decades ago at 63. cancer. but he had the same autoimmune disease as me.
his memory always makes me smile, tho. and i inherited his gift of telling stories and jokes, so i pass that on allllll the time.

mom made it almost to 90. died of stroke. spent her last yrs in a nursing home, too. something she never, ever wanted.
she had a good life. had a job she loved, and never had to bury a child.

[Siwsan]

13. Fortunately, my mother never knew about my sister's death

Mom was in the final stages of Alzheimer's. My sister was, unquestionably, her favorite. I remember her reaction when my older brother died. Had she not already been dying, my sister's death would have likely killed her.

At my brother's insistence, we are carrying on with a lot of the family traditions with my niece (my sister's daughter) and her brothers, when they are in town. That continuity seems to help them, a lot. I'm usually too busy 'making it happen' to do a reading of myself. I never, in my life, imagined I'd end up as the family 'Matriarch'. I call it one of those cosmic practical jokes.

[mopinko]

5. it's snowing here now.

very early. the short days are getting to me, too.
waking up when it is still dark sucks.

[luvs2sing]

6. I understand..

Coming up on the 21st anniversary of mother’s sudden death, at age 68. Just passed the 33rd anniversary of my father’s sudden death, at age 64. Our birthdays are within a seven day period in October. I always feel like if I can make it from Labor Day to Thanksgiving, I can do anything.

My mother died in mid-November. The only thing worse than grief is grief in winter. I got through it with a spouse, two cats and a dog, and my knitting. Probably some alcohol, but not much since I only drink when I’m in a good mood. But it was one of the hardest years of my life.

[mopinko]

11. i always say- grief mixed w anger is the worst.

took me 4 decades to get over my anger w my dad.
only then did i start to appreciate all the gifts he gave me. and they are many.

[luvs2sing]

12. I expected that to happen.

My mother and I had a rocky relationship practically since I was born. Her 25-year descent into alcohol and prescription drug abuse when I was 12 meant that we were estranged most of my adult life. My dad was my rock, my best friend. My greatest fear was that he would die first and leave me with her. And I knew when she died there would be a ton of unfinished business.

So..my dad died on his 64th birthday, two days after my 30th birthday. Within three years, my mother was clean and sober. We worked through all our shit and had a great relationship for the last ten years of her life. We grew to understand and appreciate one another as friends and equals, and it was wonderful.

I don’t know what I did to ever get a gift like that.

[IADEMO2004]

8. 5 years later I still have bad days and after visitors leave the house feels extra empty.

5 yrs ago today turned off wife's life support and she passed after midnight. In seven months dad step dad mom and wife all lost. Only groceries and work got me out of the house for over a year. Live local music helped get me out but since March only a few outdoor events. Nuts. Long lonely winter ahead I fear but feel a new president, new year, new dreams will be spectacular.