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Manifestor_of_Light

(21,046 posts)
Tue Apr 3, 2012, 12:54 AM Apr 2012

working on compassion.

I go to wallyworld and sit on a bench and breathe out, and try to send compassion out thru my heart chakra.

Sometimes it's hard. I have trouble overlooking their problems of ignorance and failure to question anything.
It is easier to have compassions for their physical problems which may or may not be visible.

I'm officially an atheist Unitarian Universalist who is intensely interested in Mahayana. In the 70s when I was in college, the only Buddhist material in English was by Alan Watts and he was into Zen. I am so pleased that the older members of the baby boomer generation, and those born in the early 40s, went to India and studied for decades and are writing in English.

any thoughts?

19 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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working on compassion. (Original Post) Manifestor_of_Light Apr 2012 OP
Why should you overlook their problems? YankeyMCC Apr 2012 #1
I said that wrong. Manifestor_of_Light Apr 2012 #2
Actually I don't think you did YankeyMCC Apr 2012 #4
I don't think so - I put this in the wrong spot - I meant to reply to your "I said that wrong" post YankeyMCC Apr 2012 #3
It's very hard sometimes. silverweb Apr 2012 #5
What is meant by the mantra "detachment"? Ruby Reason Apr 2012 #14
Disengagement, for one. silverweb Apr 2012 #15
That makes sense, thank you. Ruby Reason Apr 2012 #16
It works. silverweb May 2012 #17
In the words of the Dalai Lama: onestepforward Apr 2012 #6
Perfect. silverweb Apr 2012 #8
Synchronicity indeed! onestepforward Apr 2012 #9
Thank you. silverweb Apr 2012 #10
You're welcome! onestepforward Apr 2012 #11
This message was self-deleted by its author onestepforward Apr 2012 #7
good energy for this morning fellow23 Apr 2012 #12
Hard? Of course its hard. grantcart Apr 2012 #13
The simplicty of compassion Newest Reality May 2012 #18
This has been a wonderful thread to read libodem May 2012 #19
 

Manifestor_of_Light

(21,046 posts)
2. I said that wrong.
Tue Apr 3, 2012, 09:27 PM
Apr 2012

It is more difficult for me to have compassion for their attitudes such as ignorance and lack of curiosity about things. They want to hide inside their church and not deal with their problems. They can always say that what happens is God's will. I think it's just being passive and following authority figures.

YankeyMCC

(8,401 posts)
4. Actually I don't think you did
Wed Apr 4, 2012, 08:45 AM
Apr 2012

That's exactly what I always thought I had to do with people who had traits or did things I didn't like and who I thought I was supposed to like or love.

Before I started practicing Zen I just tried to overlook these things in the people in my life. This resulted in a lot of pain some of which I wasn't even aware of until it bubbled up, it also resulted in essentially keeping people out of part or all of my life.

After practicing for a while I started wanting to "fix" people that again led to just a different set of problems.

These days with many of the people who have been part of my life for a long time I've been able to find a sort of equanimity, able to like and love them and see their ignorance, hate and greed.

However, with some new adequateness, particularly in my professional circles there are people who I just don't like, who do and say things that make me just uncomfortable. I can't overlook these things, even if they are otherwise technically (I'm in IT) good at their work.

I find it increasingly difficult to not 'overlook' and still maintain an equanimity.

It's particularly difficult in one case because I seem to be his only 'friend' in the office now.

YankeyMCC

(8,401 posts)
3. I don't think so - I put this in the wrong spot - I meant to reply to your "I said that wrong" post
Wed Apr 4, 2012, 06:46 AM
Apr 2012

Last edited Wed Apr 4, 2012, 08:28 AM - Edit history (1)

Im having similar experience but will reply more fully later today

silverweb

(16,402 posts)
5. It's very hard sometimes.
Sat Apr 7, 2012, 05:00 PM
Apr 2012

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]There are people in my family who I should and do love in a familial sense and for their obvious love of family (a kind of tribalism). At the same time, I very much dislike some of them for their racism, homophobia, pushy social Darwinism/Libertarianism, propensity towards violent speech, mockery of environmental concerns, etc, etc.

We don't see each other often, which is a blessing, and when we do see each other, I go out of my way to avoid "debate." My last necessary, prolonged contact was guided by the mantra "detachment." It worked pretty well, but it was still a strain at times to feel love and compassion, let alone equanimity. I have to work on ambivalence and anxiety, and prepare for weeks before each annual visit.

Anyway, I guess we just have to keep doing our own inner work and keep trying to include difficult cases in our circle of karuṇā.

silverweb

(16,402 posts)
15. Disengagement, for one.
Sun Apr 29, 2012, 05:17 PM
Apr 2012

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]As a kind of mantra, the word reminds me that it's not up to me to judge or change these people; that they must find their own paths, while the only path I have to walk is my own; and that I can remain emotionally detached from their prejudices, squabbles, and frequent dramas.

It's a powerful tool for me and actually enables me to practice calmness, patience, kindness, and compassion in what would otherwise be very difficult circumstances for me to endure, let alone function in.

Ruby Reason

(242 posts)
16. That makes sense, thank you.
Mon Apr 30, 2012, 09:29 PM
Apr 2012

I may have to try that as I have sometimes found myself in similar circumstances.

silverweb

(16,402 posts)
17. It works.
Tue May 1, 2012, 02:21 PM
May 2012

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]To give credit where credit is due, it was my son's suggestion before I went for a long visit when my dad was ill.

We knew circumstances would be even more stressful than usual and he knows my vulnerabilities, so that was his recommendation for coping. It definitely works.

onestepforward

(3,691 posts)
6. In the words of the Dalai Lama:
Mon Apr 9, 2012, 02:02 AM
Apr 2012
http://www.artofdharma.org/archives/dalai-lama-explains-the-need-for-enemies.html

I must emphasize again that merely thinking that compassion and reason and patience are good will not be enough to develop them. We must wait for difficulties to arise and then attempt to practice them. And who creates such opportunities? Not our friends, of course, but our enemies. They are the ones who give us the most trouble, So if we truly wish to learn, we should consider enemies to be our best teacher!

For a person who cherishes compassion and love, the practice of tolerance is essential, and for that, an enemy is indispensable. So we should feel grateful to our enemies, for it is they who can best help us develop a tranquil mind!"

This teaching has often helped me when dealing with people who are not so easy to like

silverweb

(16,402 posts)
8. Perfect.
Mon Apr 9, 2012, 03:10 PM
Apr 2012

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]That perspective is a huge help. The trick, of course, will be remembering it in times of stress, when it's needed most.



PS - HA!! My very next click (in another window) after posting the above opened this:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=this-is-your-brain-in-meltdown&WT.mc_id=SA_DD_20120409
Too bad I don't have a subscription to read the whole article--but could there be just a little synchronicity going on here?

Now the question is how to abort the paralysis, and maintain equanimity, love, and compassion under stress -- and thus we arrive back at our practice of mindfulness and meditation. I think an image of an ouroboros encircling a lotus would be quite appropriate here. Unfortunately, nobody has made one yet that I can find.

onestepforward

(3,691 posts)
9. Synchronicity indeed!
Mon Apr 9, 2012, 11:15 PM
Apr 2012

For myself, I try to keep things very simple. When I feel myself getting stressed out in regards to a person, I've trained myself to think "gratitude" and it instantly lowers my stress. I am where I need to be and I have something to learn.

I also remind myself that all beings want happiness and want to avoid suffering. That thought gives me common ground with that person and helps to lower any negative emotions I might be feeling.

You're right. It brings us back to our practice of mindfulness and meditation, which is a lifelong journey. That's where I try to apply a little compassion for myself

silverweb

(16,402 posts)
10. Thank you.
Tue Apr 10, 2012, 01:17 AM
Apr 2012

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]Gratitude and recognizing the common ground that all beings share. Perfect things to remind oneself of when struggling to avoid negative reactions.

Being around certain people causes me such anxiety and stress that I've been known to just shut down. Following your lead in learning to make compassionate (instead of defensive) responses reflexive will certainly help this part of the journey.



Response to Manifestor_of_Light (Original post)

grantcart

(53,061 posts)
13. Hard? Of course its hard.
Thu Apr 19, 2012, 10:07 AM
Apr 2012


If it seems easy it would be a false positive.

The fact that it is hard means that you are accomplishing something, that you are on the path.



In every trial
Let understanding fight for you.
Buddha

Newest Reality

(12,712 posts)
18. The simplicty of compassion
Thu May 10, 2012, 12:53 AM
May 2012

is easy to overlook.

To me, there is only one way to actually experience and express it and it is not about externalization at first.

If you cannot have total and unequivocal compassion for yourself without reservation, then don't waste too much time and effort trying to have it for others. To start outside yourself from a base that is dealing with false notions about narcissism and arrogance where self-love is a fault makes true bodhichitta into a difficult intellectual conundrum where the effort applied is proved to be futile in the sense that contrasts and conflicts obviously obscure the natural nature of compassion itself as it flows throw you effortlessly.

Practice the most sincere and heart-felt loving kindness on yourself, (and be prepared for the potential inner conflicts and other aspects of self you invoke) and, if you are truly successful, true compassion will do itself with nothing more than an acknowledgement and agreement within you to let it act as it does without any reservations or conceptual barriers to hold it back.

Compassion is more powerful and natural than we imagine. It is not something we really have to do. It is not an obligation or effort, in that sense. It is simply an expression of what we are capable of allowing ourselves to give to ourselves first. Then, the recognition of the interdependence of who we are with others is merely a carefree expansion of our boundaries where our own, natural tendency towards being selfish and acting in our own best interests is allowed to expand into its own nature, including others more and more. It can be a joy that is self-fulfilling in this sense and not a chore, task or trial in any sense from there on in.

libodem

(19,288 posts)
19. This has been a wonderful thread to read
Sun May 13, 2012, 05:30 PM
May 2012

For me right now. I need compassion and gratitude for challenges in belief systems. I know better because I've studied values clarification. My 'enemy' is my teacher because it brings up some shadow personality that I'm unconscious of admitting I have within myself. I'm struggling with whatever that lesson is supposed to be? More detachment is definitely in order.

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