Can I lose my attachment to wanting friends?

[Manifestor_of_Light]

Can I lose my attachment to thinking I need friends?

I live in an area full of angry, fearful, racist, pushy fundamentalist xtians.

I can't talk to them. Must walk away if anything discussed other than gardening or the weather.

[ZombieHorde]

1. Have you tried setting them on fire?

That's a joke.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

2. uh, that's illegal.

It's called aggravated assault or attempted murder.

[libodem]

6. Sorry, I found that very funny

Because it was so unexpected. Hee hee hee.

[ZombieHorde]

7. An Aquateen fan would find that funny. nt

[libodem]

8. Ah, the burden

Of transparency. You see right through me.

[left-of-center2012]

3. Yes

Become a recluse.

[byeya]

4. In my opinion you can lose your thinking you want or need friends but you will not

lose the capacity for friendship.
You may well run across a person(s) of like mind and charity and your ability to form friendships will be intact.

[white_wolf]

5. The Buddha himself recommended friends.

In there Pali Cannon there is this converstation that might be helpful: Anada: "'This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie.' The Buddha replies: Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path."

[independentpiney]

10. The buddha recommended admirable friendship-kalyanamittata

access to insight has a good summary with links to the relevant suttas:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/dhamma/sacca/sacca4/samma-ditthi/kalyanamittata.html

The op is unlikely to find anyone among the "angry, fearful, racist, pushy fundamentalist xtians" she's surrounded by that fully meet the attributes of an admirable friend from a Buddhist perspective, which would include helping her along the eightfold path. Unless the help is in an unintended and probably somewhat ironic way, which isn't entirely out of the question.

[libodem]

9. We've been funnin' you here

Friends are so important. And friends that think along the same lines are invaluable.
To make a friend you have to be one. Not trying to be preachy, either. I'm the type who has waited all my life for others to approach me.

Keep reaching out. Maybe one of those xians has an inner philosopher someplace inside.

[independentpiney]

11. I don't think you're supposed to

until you're ready to cross the stream and throw away the raft or some sort of metaphorical language like that.

[ellisonz]

12. What are you doing here then?

[Manifestor_of_Light]

13. ???????????????????????

[ellisonz]

14. It's okay friend...

BTW - Do you want any popcorn - it has extra butter and salt?

[DryHump]

15. As you've seen, life presents periods of abundant, deep friendships

and periods of isolation and aloneness. Sounds like you're going through the latter. It's never bad to desire friendship but how do you live gracefully when the phone's not ringing?

[Shankapotomus]

16. If you can't move away

you can lose your attachment to anything. But if you can move, why would you want to endure that if you didn't have to? Maybe you should lose your attachment to staying if those around you are troubling you too much.

However, even after moving I would still adjust my expectations of others, as well. There is no guarantee friendships will develop in even the most open and kindest communities. Sometimes if we scale back our goals with others from attaining full fledged friendship to just first being able to occasionally engage in friendly interaction with strangers and acquaintances, our desires for contact becomes more manageable.

Your post reminds me of an old short story about a Buddhist poet I was reading a few days ago called "An Account of My Hut" or "The Ten Foot Square Hut".

Perhaps a link to the text may be helpful:

http://www.humanistictexts.org/kamo.htm

There are also many videos on Youtube by various Buddhist practitioners that address both the internal and external struggle:

[libodem]

17. Wherever you go

There you are. AA calls it the geographical cure. My mom had a note on her bathroom mirror that said 'you are looking at the problem'. I try to take full responsibility for my demands and expectations, by eliminating them as best I can.

May we be free of expectation and desire. It leads to disappointment. I looked for friends amongst the feminism, gay and and I/P groups and got hated out of all of them.

I send them much love and light, since my ability to pray as an atheist was mocked and ridiculed. Eff my ignorant ego. I have no pride. I just don't see myself as a bigot.

[Shankapotomus]

18. I've noticed also

that even though I may be aware and sensitive to a groups' issues, it doesn't always matter. I don't let myself get offended either. I try to chalk it up to experiences that some people have that presently doesn't leave them open to me as someone who could not have the same experiences. They may be in kind of "circle the wagons" mode and I make my interactions, when I sense an encounter of that caliber, as light as possible. I find introducing some self-deprecating humor right off the bat takes the edge off people and warms them to you. As if you've shattered some kind of prejudgement they have of all people in general. We are in a dysfunctional culture where everyone is in competition with each other and the quicker we dispel people of the illusion that we think we are better than them, the quicker the walls come down.

Unfortunately, sometimes any interaction is misinterpreted as "too much" or as a precursor to more when that may not be our intention. In those cases, I personally try to keep it as brief but positive an interaction as possible and make a note to not bother them with anything in the future, if I can avoid it, but still be open to them.

I've been toying with the idea of personal happiness being encapsulated in three simple words: "Don't bother anyone." That doesn't mean never bother with anyone but so often our own spirits are disturbed through some unskillful interaction with another that went badly. The trick is to not wear out our welcome, to quietly cease interaction when we sense we are coming to a point where our presence will be a disturbance to another. That's where "don't bother anyone" comes in because when we disturb others, they disturb us back.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

19. I got hated by a bunch of Pagans for telling them "Namaste".

I told them I was an atheist and sent their leader an email closing with Namaste, and they got mad. They really couldn't wrap their minds around an atheist, although they think they are quite non-conformist as pagans. Still wrapped up in the god-worshiper model.

Guess I should have told them they were transient illusory meatsacks instead???????

[libodem]

20. yep

[Manifestor_of_Light]

21. I was trying to save their meetup group.

The leader didn't have the money for six months of membership to meetup. I paid it so they could continue, and they said I was "taking over". OOOOHHHH!! HISSSS!

[libodem]

22. Gawd

That is shitty. No good deed goes unpunished. Sheesh.

[mlauer59295]

23. hmm interesting