How do you solve a problem like the Donald?

He's up in his tower, face a glower, his tie is made in China
He bellows at rallies, and in interviews bites
Under his jacket, he's fish belly white
I even heard he raped his first wife.

He's always late for chapel, and his penitence is fake
He's rarely late at rallies where he screeches out his hate
I really have to say it that I very firmly feel the Donald's not an asset to
our country or the world

Half-heartedly a word on his behalf;
The Donald sometimes makes me laugh.

How do you solve a problem like the Donald?
How do you catch a creep and pin him down?
How do you find the word that means the Donald?
A sociopath! A bigot! A psycho-clown!

Oh, how do you solve a problem like the Donald?
How do you hold a steaming pile in your hand?

When I'm with him I'm confused, out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather, he's as flighty as a feather
He's a Cheeto. He's a demon! He's a flimflam man!

He'd out pester any pest, drive a hornet from its nest
He could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
He is nasty! He is wild! He's a mean boy child!
He's a devil. A false prophet. He's a churl!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay and listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like the Donald?
You beat him soundly on November 8
And off the stage he'll waddle
Just vote for Hill, and don't be late!

(with sincere apologies to Oscar Hammerstein and all fans of the Sound of Music)