Texas Declares State of Emergency, Appoints Chuck Norris President

[EEO]

Texas Declares State of Emergency, Appoints Chuck Norris President
Source: The Nil Admirari

::SNIP::

AUSTIN, T.X. (The Nil Admirari): Texas Governor Greg Abbott (R) announced a State of Emergency in the Lone Star State and named Chuck Norris the President of the Republic of Texas. Abbott defended his decision and stated, "Despite denials from the Pentagon, a lot of Texans still fear the Jade Helm 15 military exercise expected to start here in mid-July is actually a federal plot to declare martial law and seize control of our state."

::SNIP::

"The people of Texas are in no way insulting America's brave soldiers who are just following orders, but we will target any American military personnel who have not left Texas within seventy-two hours," said President Norris during a press conference from his presidential mansion at the Alamo.

::SNIP::

"I don't know what reality President Obama is living in, but I will not allow Texas to be put under martial law and seized by the United States," stated Norris. He subsequently announced Senator Ted Cruz (R- T.X.) had been named Vice President of Texas for his "undeniable patriotism and loyalty to America."

[flying rabbit]

1. When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake

he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

[EEO]

2. Not a huge fan of the man...

[flying rabbit]

3. Heh!