GOP Immigration Plan: Make the U.S. Unlivable

[Alan Grayson]

A few years ago, I revealed the GOP’s healthcare plan: “Don’t Get Sick. And If You Do Get Sick, Die Quickly.” Recently the great satirist Andy Borowitz, the Jonathan Swift of our time, played a similar riff regarding the GOP’s immigration plan. I yield to the distinguished gentleman from New York:

G.O.P. Unveils Immigration Plan: “We Must Make America Somewhere No One Wants to Live”

By Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell unveiled his party’s long-awaited plan on immigration on Wednesday, telling reporters, “We must make America somewhere no one wants to live.”

Appearing with House Speaker John Boehner, McConnell said that, in contrast to President Obama’s “Band-Aid fixes,” the Republican plan would address “the root cause of immigration, which is that the United States is, for the most part, habitable.”

“For years, immigrants have looked to America as a place where their standard of living was bound to improve,” McConnell said. “We’re going to change that.” Boehner said that the Republicans’ plan would reduce or eliminate “immigration magnets,” such as the social safety net, public education, clean air, and drinkable water.

The Speaker added that the plan would also include the repeal of Obamacare, calling healthcare “catnip for immigrants.”

Attempting, perhaps, to tamp down excitement about the plan, McConnell warned that turning America into a dystopian hellhole that repels immigrants “won’t happen overnight.”

“Our crumbling infrastructure and soaring gun violence are a good start, but much work still needs to be done,” he said. “When Americans start leaving the country, we’ll know that we’re on the right track.”

In closing, the two congressional leaders expressed pride in the immigration plan, noting that Republicans had been working to make it possible for the past thirty years.

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Oddly, the rules of the House of Representatives frown on our disseminating our “Die Quickly” floor speech, but if you’ve never seen the resulting CNN interview, then click here, and enjoy yourself.

Courage,

Rep. Alan Grayson

“Ridicule is Man’s most powerful weapon.”

- Saul Alinsky, “Rules for Radicals” (1971).

[randys1]

1. too bad this is actually true. Andy uses reality for his fiction

[SamKnause]

2. Thank you Alan Grayson

for all you do, and try to do !!!!

I admire and respect you immensely.

[okaawhatever]

4. I've noticed they're using their self-deportation tactics on poor people as well nt

[AZ Progressive]

5. FDR must be rolling in his grave....

To see how far down America has gone 70 years after WWII...