Losing Virginity for Good

[ismnotwasm]

Virginity.
It’s something we all know of, something we’ve all talked about. It’s something we, as a culture, obsess over.
It’s a very valuable thing to have, if you’re a woman, and a very perplexing thing to have if you’re a man.
Female virginity is valuable to society, but a man’s isn’t really worth anything; in fact, it’s better for a man’s social status if he is not a virgin.
And this ties into what is known as the sexual double standard: Women are shamed for having sex and men are rewarded for it.
The idea of your first penis-in-vagina sexual encounter being something significant and life altering (well, for women anyway) has origins in women being considered property.
That is to say, virginity is a social construction that came about because of the commodification of women.
Since women were (and sometimes still are) considered property, when they got married, they were passed on to their husbands from their fathers. You know the whole father-walks-his-daughter-down-the-aisle tradition? Well, it represents a transfer of property from her father to her husband. Her father was literally giving her away.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/08/losing-virginity-for-good/

[Arcanetrance]

1. Ad a guy it's definitely reinforced you have to lose it yesterday

But than when you do maybe it's not this way for everyone you and the other person end up leaving feeling disappointed an slightly embarrassed

[redqueen]

2. Related: "Female 'Purity' Is Bullshit"

...

Girls and women, if no one has ever told you this before, or if you just have trouble believing it: you are good, you are whole, you are yours. You do not exist to please men, and your value as a human being is not contingent upon your sexual capital. "Purity" is a lie. Do not even worry about any of this garbage, because it’s about as real as a fucking unicorn. And like my Nana always used to say, "Never take life advice from a grown man who believes that unicorns are ‘extinct.’"

And this “good girl” shit isn’t just limited to odious ding-dongs like dude-who-doesn’t-know-the-difference-between-extinct-and-fucking-mythological. I know plenty of progressive, liberal, adult men who openly say they’re looking for a “good girl”—who prioritize some paternalistic illusion of “self-respect” over personality and chemistry. And to those dudes, I say, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE HOW CREEPY THIS IS. Can you imagine if women went around saying they were just looking for a “good boy” and sometimes they “jokingly” scout kindergartens for promising baby virgins?!?!?! Groooooooooss!!!!!

...

Men Are Lying

Men can’t actually care whether or not women are "pure," because there is no way for "purity" to be verified. It’s just not a real thing, and chasing some phantom virtue for your entire life is a great way to ensure that you waste your goddamn life. By Professor Unicorn’s own admission, above, even if you claim to be “pure” he will probably just assume you’re lying, and even if you can somehow prove your purity he will get bored with you eventually anyway, because boner. This entire “conversation” is just an effort to rig a system in which men get to determine female worthlessness no matter the input. There is nothing you can do to be pure. Meanwhile, they get to do literally whatever they want with anyone, to anyone, at any time. The double standard is so blatant it’s almost too boring to point out.

If you spend any time at all browsing body-positive Tumblrs, you’ll notice that they’re constantly invaded by men determined to insert their big, throbbing, veiny opinions into women’s personal spaces. Queer women, fat women, women in pain, women trying to practice very basic self-care and sexual reclamation—they’re all subject to unsolicited male assessment and exploited for male arousal. Women can’t even escape sexualization in the context of attempting to make a statement about their own sexualization. It’s relentless.

I got catcalled outside the coffee shop in the middle of writing this article—my brain mired in thoughts about purity and sexualization and objectification. A dude drove by in a car, leaned out the window, and yelled “EXCELLEEEEEENT!” (I will concede that it’s possible he just mistook me for Rufus.) So what is it—am I supposed to be modest and pure, or do I become a sexual commodity as soon as I step outside in a belted muumuu and janky flip-flops? Well, the two aren’t nearly as incongruous as they appear. A catcall is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The purity myth is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The fetishization of female purity in a world where catcalls are an acceptable form of communication telegraphs one thing very clearly:

"Women, stop sexualizing yourselves—that’s our job, and you’re taking all the fun out of it.”

The sexualization of women is only appealing if it’s nonconsensual. Otherwise it’s “sluttiness,” and sluttiness is agency and agency is threatening and so, therefore, sluttiness must equal disposability.”

emphasis mine
from an excellent article from the excellent Lindy West
http://jezebel.com/female-purity-is-bullshit-493278191

[JI7]

4. the purity thing always creeped me out

[CrispyQ]

3. That was a very interesting read.

She points out aspects of virginity that I never considered:

Virginity Is Heteronormative

Virginity assumes that penis-in-vagina sex is somehow a special type of sex that is different from all others.

Virginity Erases Queer and Trans* Folk

Since virginity is stuck in a heteronormative box, it doesn’t leave room for those that don’t fall into the gender binary or other so-called “conventional” forms of sexuality.