The Girls' Guide To Calling Out Sexism Without Being Attacked

[seabeyond]

And what’s worse, when we do raise the alarm, we’re most often met with criticism, threats or even retaliation. At the very least, women who call out sexism can expect to hear the B word, which makes me beg the question: Is it even possible to nip sexism in the bud without a little mud getting slung your way? Of course, researchers and “experts” say yes, that men actually like being reminded of their sexist behaviors and will, in fact, like you more for it. But in real life, women know that’s usually not the case.

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“I work as a TA in a foreign language department at a major university. For an oral examination a fellow TA held exams in our office, where about 15 other TAs were working. There were three different oral skits in which male students referred to women as “sluts” and “whores”, some of whom were dying in fires and whose fictional deaths were the subject of laughter. The TA laughed and did not reprimand the students. I intercepted several students and asked them why they thought it was at all appropriate to include that language in a skit. Of course, their reply was that they didn’t mean to offend anyone. I took this to the head of the department, and I don’t talk to this TA anymore for a plethora of reasons. But the way he tells his story is that I pounced on these poor students and yelled at them. Yes, I am the crazy psycho feminazi bitch for not voicing my opinions politely and for voicing them in the first place.”

“I was working on a trading floor in New York and my team was mostly guys. Like the other women on the floor, I regularly wore pencil skirts and heels, and would occasionally overhear guys making comments about fit and legs and butts, all of that. One day I got fed up and when I heard one of my teammates (who I was pretty cool with) at the desk behind me say something about the assistant who walked by I turned around and told him it was unprofessional and inappropriate. He called me a bitch to my face and I got the cold shoulder from my team from that point on. I eventually left because of the way they treated me, it’s like their whole opinion of me changed.”

Surprisingly, it was Balik, who brought me the Shanley Kane saga (I reached out to Kane for comment, but she declined, said the whole drama was a distraction from her work) in the first place, who offered the first morsel of helpful advice. She has a friend, she says, who recently shut down some sexist behavior in her male colleagues without destroying their relationship or hearing the B word. She heard a comment in passing, turned to the two guys and said, calmly “inappropriate.” One of them responded, “Really?” “Yes,” she said, and continued on her way. While it doesn’t sound dissimilar to the anecdote form the trading floor, Balik says she thinks that her friend’s casual tone might be key.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2012/04/20/the-girls-guide-to-calling-out-sexism-workplace-tech-entrepreneurs/
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first, lets point out, du is not the only place women are discussing this.

do we really think this is all it takes? gently, tippy toeing, stroking ego while a small comment is made will be all it takes to be "embraced"?

[left coaster]

1. Calling out sexism with something titled "girls guide".. how ironic. nt

[seabeyond]

2. i thought maybe it was addressing our girls... lol

i have so changed my language that when i hear girls now, i actually think of girls.

yes. i agree.

[dana_b]

3. so did I

I literally thought that this was a guide for girls (under 18 y.o.) until I read your post..

[redqueen]

4. We need more people speaking out.

Both men and women.

It should be intuitively obvious to the most casual observer by now that letting this shit slide only makes it worse.

"Crying" sexism is "essentially victimizing yourself"?
What a load of crap.

[seabeyond]

5. beig shy, i had to learn to speak out on many issues. to stay quiet, in my mind, condoned

and made me more guilty, imo, than those sittin in ignorance. because i knew better and allowed.

i have also found, speaking out when i feel something positive is nothing but good. if i feel something nice about another, and do not share it, what value does it have. but, if i feel something nice, and share from the heart.... it manifests.

so speaking out has been my learned behavior.

recently i had experience with not speaking out. staying quiet. and i learned stuff in that quiet. i have always known people that dont speak out. and what i always saw were a lot of issues and misunderstanding due to not speaking out. being quiet taught me that it allows whatever to blow over. but, it taught me it is only momentarily. that being quiet allows others to define me, and to create a truth. create.... a truth. that i then am forced to live. it also makes it so that i have to continue to be quiet.

i am curious (was thinking about this the last couple days) how others feel.

we see what being quiet has manifested over the last decade and half. we see what manifests when dems stay quiet. how the repugs define them.

i think we universally see how quiet not only does not accomplish success, but almost guarantees failure.

[redqueen]

6. I find it very hard to stay quiet.

And hard to say things in a way that doesn't make people defensive or however she said it.

I pretty much don't care though. There are all kinds of people taking all kinds of approaches to this. So I'll be another one with the 'grow up and stop being a damn baby about it' approach. If someone wants to use me as their weakass justification for clinging to their privilege, fuck them and the excuses they rode in on.

[MadrasT]

7. Staying quiet is not an option anymore.

I don't actually care if I am attacked for speaking up. Somebody has to do it. I can take it.

And "Girl's Guide"? Fucking seriously? Bite me.

[seabeyond]

8. " "Girl's Guide"? Fucking seriously? Bite me." lmfao... really

i have to remember.... bite me. i never remember that one but love it.

love your post in meta more. you are all over speaking up and regardless how you turn, you end up iwth one big ole, huge ass..... thumbs up. so cleverly precious.

[BlueIris]

9. I'll call it where I see it and I don't care if I'm "attacked."

Sexists are pathetic.