There's Something Absolutely Wrong With What We Do To Boys Before They Grow Into Men

[ismnotwasm]

"Be a man" is something we've all heard at one time or another, even a few of the women reading this right now. Being a "man" in that sense means something completely different to me (and maybe you, too) than what that phrase implies.

I can't even begin to describe the toll that the concept of masculinity has taken on my life. And it's felt everywhere. It's time we make changes, starting from within ourselves.

http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something-absolutely-wrong-with-what-we-do-to-boys-before-they-grow-into-men?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+upworthy+%28Upworthy%29

[seabeyond]

1. I have not and would NEVER tell a boy to be a man for any reason. Not his role. He is a boy. Not man

Now probably not you op but I cannot watch now. Just wanted to make the point

[ismnotwasm]

2. I know you wouldn't

But the little boys on the video were encouraged to talk about feelings. Pretty powerful

[seabeyond]

8. i am home. i saw this a week ago. breaks my heart. tears, for these babies. babies.

there is NO reason for them to live this. absolute NO reason for them to live this. it makes me so angry i cannot tell you. last night i had my father, my brother, his two boys, my two boys, my nieces BF and her son at my house. 9 guys, two women. that is my life.

BE A MAN

ALL but my boys were raised in this mentality.

and you know what the 18 year old... BE A MAN guy did. continually came to me for stroking, petting, carressing to just feel love. my son mentioned it after. how he so needs a mom. (his mom fails). every one of these dudes... BE A MAN, came to me for touch.

THIS is why i get so damn damn angry. this is why i yell and scream and rant and rave. because i see the boys that are hurt. and see what happens once they are the man.

so tell me.

why isnt this in the mens forum. addressing the boys suicide, that is so often quoted to us from men in that group. why are they not joyous with this film. suggested watching. the pain of our young boys. the society we demand they live in, with that pain.

BE A MAN

[ismnotwasm]

18. They are afraid

Many people are. It's too easy to laugh at the uncertainty of change, mock change agents. And change is happening at a very rapid pace.

Remember men have been experiencing this for a very long time.

[redqueen]

3. I guess this just isn't a topic of interest to men.

Odd, that.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. sad, but at this point to xpost this to GD would probably been seen as flamebait. sad.

society (as a whole.) is really not doing justice for boys or girls.

Individually, emotionally healthy families are talking about all this and that is a good thing.

[redqueen]

5. It's already posted there.

And yeah.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

6. oh dear, I can't keep up. Sorry. I will look at the thread ...

[seabeyond]

10. it was already in GD last week adn sunk like a stone. i think i might have been the only one to

post in it

[Tuesday Afternoon]

13. even sadder, maybe. *sigh*

which is worse?

no exposure or the infighting that will ensue?

I am going with no exposure because I happen to think that some knowledge is actually being hashed out with the open dialogue that occurs when people are speaking with an open heart and mind. It can be very revealing.

It is messy and sometimes we could all possibly choose our wording more carefully but, I would rather have the mess than the silence.

just my opinion. your mileage may vary.

[TreasonousBastard]

7. It's a very serious topic to men...

maybe just not here.

"To be a man..." doesn't simply mean kicking ass and hiding tears, although that's a small part of it, but it also means solving the problem instead of complaining about it, assaying truth, pursuing justice, and protecting the weaker men and women in society. Among many other things that are not at all unique to men.

It's more like being an adult of any gender.

Now, the video, like so many of these, doesn't even begin to address the changing roles of men and women in society and how boys are often being left in the wind with sorry-ass platitudes instead of direction.

Women have made great strides recently, and that's a good thing, but while we've been working hard on bringing women into the 21st century, we haven't come up with any solutions to boys, having lost the model of the two-parent working father family, will go on with life. Employment prospects are pretty dim with all those primarily male construction, manufacturing and mining jobs gone. Smart boys can be directed toward engineering and such, but what about the less endowed ones who would in the past be mechanics or steelworkers with jobs good enough to pay for a family? How are we raising our boys to deal with this dismal future they may face? Are we preparing them for a life where their wives are the breadwinners in sales jobs or law offices?

At least they have basketball.

[redqueen]

11. This is about something far more fundamental than jobs.

The fact that you say that "kicking ass and hiding tears" is part of being a man is alarming.

If we could stop socializing people to think that men who are willing to use violence to solve problems are smart and worthy of being listened to, maybe we could get somewhere as a species.

There will never be as many jobs as there are people again. Automation has made that impossible, no matter how many WPAs we start.

We need a new model for society, and we will not get there as long as money and dominance are considered goals that people should ascribe to. We need a cooperative society, and we will not get there as long as the inherent unsustainability of our patriarchal, capitalist, hierarchical system is practically unquestioned if not completely ignored.

[TreasonousBastard]

14. I don't know why that's "alarming"...

the Vikings came close to wiping out the Irish when the Irish adopted Christianity and lost their ability to wage war. The simple truth is that there are bad people out there and a good defense is often necessary. Kicking ass is not simply an aggressive attitude.

Yes, we do need new models, or at least a major overhaul of the existing ones, but my question is always-- "Where are they?"

[seabeyond]

12. It's more like being an adult of any gender.... "protecting the weaker "

that you for once again saying, adult of either gender. i know women that adopt the role of protector as much as a man. and that would be the point. it is not all about just being a man. not exclusively his role. nor should he exclusively shoulder it

pollack wrote a book, real boys. i got it a decade ago to read myself. to have a better understanding raising two boy, as a mom.

my oldest grabbed the book at 8. and read it on and off for a couple years, thru the harsh times of insecurity with his peers. often grabbing to see what the man had to say.

a lot of men, and some women have been talking about the issue. and like with the issue with girls, addressing the objectification issue, it is hard to get people to take it seriously. women have advanced in some areas. huge step back in others. but action/reaction. what hurts one gender WILL hurt the other.

than you treasonous

[TreasonousBastard]

15. There is some woman who has been writing about this a lot...

unfortunately I can't remember her name, but she should be easy to find should anyone take up the search. She has been quite vocal about the generation of lost boys we are raising.

(I'm not sure it's all that bad, but what do I know...)

[seabeyond]

9. ya. i take note of that. be a man, seems to be the agenda, not, take care of our boys.

and we are the man haters.

[iemitsu]

16. I think that is exactly what to "be a man" usually means, when used in American society.

Men and women tell boys to be "men" when they don't have the time, energy, or know how to help or take care of the boy themselves.
Since the welfare of the boy is the responsibility of the adult, the adult, in seeking relief from responsibility, wants the child to grow up.
As a result, the phrase is probably most often uttered when the adult is under pressure, frustrated, or feels overwhelmed themselves, so a sharp or disdainful tone might be used when commanding boys to be men.
The command implies that the boy is not measuring up to expectations and should not need the attention or help of an adult.
Being told to "be a man" is far worse than being told to grow up (which all children must eventually do), because the added anti-female hodge-podge of messages implied by telling boys to be men is confusing for developing personalities.
I think that "real men" don't talk about how being told to be men affects them because "real men" don't share things like that. It is their own cross to bear.

[ismnotwasm]

17. This about damage

Caused by specific masculinities. It's a bigger topic than one video, it's in many cultures and it's more a sickness than anything else. It causes harm. It's part of homophobia. It's part of sexism. It encourages toxic hieratical systems in economics, in ecology, in human relationships

I should have realized this would be counterintuitive to some, and I could find wordy essays and published papers that require an a)interest in the topic and b) a mind open enough to listen

I listen to my SIL bemoan the loss of warrior culture, and I tell him it's not feminism that didn't do that; activities such as dropping anonymous bombs on anonymous human beings did that.

Allowing young men to express the full range of their emotions and stop forcing them in the man box is an act of healing. It doesn't make them less than male.