Dude's Demand for an Open Relationship Backfires Spectacularly (Careful what you wish for)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

The post originally appeared in the site's Relationships subreddit and has since been deleted, but lives on at the Redditlog archive. You see, this fella had a problem, which is that he really liked his "sweet, attentive, caring and supportive" girlfriend of two years, but his eyes had started to wander. He was feeling "disconnected from her and the relationship." So he created an account at sexed-up social network Fetlife (just to look at the pictures, honest!) and discovered lots of "hotter women" willing to chat with him.

Voila, a solution: Demand she admit to an open relationship, since "physically my desires were completely elsewhere," or they break up:

I spoke to her about this and, well, it broke her heart at the time. She was sobbing on me the whole night of me talking to her about it, saying she wanted to be monogamous and she didn't like the thought of an open relationship at all. She asked for a couple of weeks to think about it, which happened, but when we spoke about it again she told me she still didn't want to do it. I had to tell her at this point it was this or break up as I didn't feel fulfilled. At this, she said okay, she would try the open relationship.

Flames. Flames, on the side of my face.

But there's a twist! You see, OP's girlfriend decided to sign up for a Fetlife account, too. And suddenly, men are lining up:

There are men crawling all over her, her profile, her pictures she's put up. I know for a fact that she's been on a heck of a lot of dates, both with people from the website and off it, and I also know she's been intimate with many of them too (I keep seeing comments on her pictures saying vulgar things like 'God I miss my mouth around those beautiful breasts' etc from other men who I know she has been on dates with..)

Meanwhile, Mr. Rational has been on one date and has not hooked up with anyone. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE:

at link:
http://jezebel.com/dudes-demand-for-an-open-relationship-backfires-spectac-1578409074

[geardaddy]

1. What a fuckwit.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. what a taterguy exception.

[Shrike47]

3. I think it's romantic fiction written by a woman.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. I am really questioning the validity of it myself. It lacks a certain ring of truth to it, I agree.

[wryter2000]

5. OMFG

That's really funny. It made my day even if it is fiction. lol

[Tuesday Afternoon]

6. IKR

thing about it is ... It really would happen this way for the woman ... can't speak as to the man's side of this but, I have no doubt that on Fetlife this could be a typical truism for a woman.

The man's side of this story is where it doesn't ring true for me.

[Sheldon Cooper]

7. Agreed. Even if it's fiction, which I think it is.

A woman would get swamped on a place like fetlife, and would likely have no trouble getting 'dates'. Men are a different story, and women can be pret-ty choosy on a site like that.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. and for some reason, I am thinking that on fetlife ... really, would this guy have so much trouble?

[Sheldon Cooper]

9. I don't know about fetlife in particular, but on the sex-based dating sites

I think the women have quite an advantage over the men, and they can be quite picky about who they hook up with. Maybe the guy just doesn't do anything for most women? If he's real, he seems to have a pretty shitty personality.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

10. shitty personality ... oh yes, but Honestly are people on Fetlife for personality?

[Sheldon Cooper]

11. No. People are not on fetlife for personality.

They are looking for hookups with no strings attached. But women can and should be choosy about who they're meeting up with, and if he's giving off a real skeevy vibe he may have limited luck in that department.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

12. if he really exists he probably is giving off a skeevy vibe, trudat

I know just reading about him gave me a really skeevy vibe

[Whisp]

32. Even if it's 1/4 fiction it's really funny.

For a real and honest open relationship, the odds of two people feeling the same way at the same time are pretty damned rare. Somebody usually gets hurt.

Generally we like to be possessive, (although that isn't really healthy when you think about it but it is what it is), of those we love and mate with.

[ismnotwasm]

13. What an abusive ass

True or not-- he puts her down, then is shocked when other men don't. Since she's not hot enough, apparently. And what's with the "my physical desires were elsewhere" shit? On one hand--- I appreciate that level of honesty--/it's far better than lying--on the other I think, dude must be horrible in bed, given the clear lack of sexual imagination.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

14. I appreciate that level of honesty

and that is my problem with this "story"

I have a hard time believing that a guy would be so honest about his side of this.

[CrispyQ]

16. I'm not sure.

When I read it, I felt he honestly could not see why other guys thought his girlfriend was hot. Not that she was ugly, but just that she wasn't hot. But he didn't account for different tastes. Not the brightest bulb in the pack, that one. Hope she moved on!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. for some reason I took it that she was a little on the heavy side ... still curvy ...

I can see a lot of guys going for that on Fetlife ...

I really can't say but, I think there is a fetish for the "big boned woman"

I can see where she would have no trouble getting "dates"

I can not figure out what is his fetish unless it is sadism.

He sure comes across sadistic to me.

[CrispyQ]

20. Yeah, she was a little on the heavy side.

He has let the media define what is hot for him & assumed that all guys are like him & just want model thin women. He didn't think any other guys would find her hot. What a putz. She can do better! I know guys who look at models & say, "Pretty face, but scrawny!"

I wish we could get this across to all our young people - unless you're just butt ugly & I think the human race is becoming more attractive, not less so, then there is going to be someone out there who thinks you're hot. Stop worrying about what a bunch of narrow minded ad execs on Madison Ave think is attractive.

[Whisp]

33. My first guess is he was pornified into thinking his g/f wasn't 'hawt' enough.

[CrispyQ]

15. What an immature little shit.

Good riddance.

I have a friend who is about 15 years younger than me & she dates guys that are ten years younger/older than she is & the stories she has, oh my!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

18. does the word date mean what it used to mean?

or has it evolved to be a euphemism for "fuck" ... ?

[ismnotwasm]

19. I think particular site is for sex

Which is not a bad idea if it weeds out the assholes or the people not prepared for a relationship. A lot of people are into on-line dating with different goals in mind-- it seems quite successful.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

21. and that is why I have trouble believing this story =

DudeBro, you are on Fetlife.

If all she wants is a one night stand She will find plenty of guys that will go for that and this dude just "gave her permission" (don't like that phrase) to do that very thing.

I don't know. It just smells of fish to me.

[CrispyQ]

22. Well, it's been interesting, let me tell you.

We had a wine night a few weeks ago & there was 56 year old me, married to the same man for 27 years & listening to 30+ single women talk about men & dating.

Some comments I heard:

> "I consider a guy good in bed if he can get it up." (Lots of laughing at that one.)

> "I asked my BF if he wanted to do it in front of the computer so he could finally come." (Lots of heads nodding at that one.)

> "I asked my BF if I was supposed to be okay with him preferring porn over me, then would he mind if I found a guy that preferred me over porn?" She said her BF belligerently responded with, "What, are you breaking up with me?"

Two of the women were married like me & grateful they weren't single anymore. I came home & told my 60+ year old husband everything & we laughed cuz we still have a rollicking good time without any problems.

I know this is just anecdotal, but for people who claim porn isn't a problem, I believe they are wrong.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

23. thank you for sharing that. Honestly, I wish people would just say it straight out ...

"I fucked them."

when that is all that happened.

"I dated them."

That sentence has a whole other meaning for me.

and I really don't care which gender says it just as long as they tell it like it really is.

[ismnotwasm]

27. That's actually sad

Given what's out there for porn is about as erotic as a rock. I believe it stifles the sexual imagination and is the sexual equivalent of shopping at Target or Walmart. Corporate sex for sale, with some of it so fetishized it needs 'don't try this at home' warnings.

What bugs me is the domination of 'young girls'-- which the disclaimer they're all over 18. With the proliferation of small porn companies or amateur porn, I wonder. Also it's racist as hell. It's so unregulated--they refuse condom use, there has been a significant rise in STD's, you can't tell willing participants from trafficked women, girls or boys. It's a bloody mess. IMO

[Tuesday Afternoon]

28. It's a bloody mess.

actually, that is a rather literal account of what is happening out there.

[ismnotwasm]

29. Unfortunately true.

Doesn't have to be that way either-- but there you go

[CrispyQ]

31. It's as bad as the gun debate.

Any suggestion of regulation & they whine that their rights are being stepped on.

[hlthe2b]

24. Unfortunately, I have met men like that and I'd bet many here have.

Incredibly clueless and arrogant narcissists.

Fortunately, they are not at all representative IMO

[Tuesday Afternoon]

25. yes but, do you see them posting online about all this?

That is where the disconnect is for me.

[CrispyQ]

26. It's easy to hide in the anonymity of the internet.

And when places like FB let the crap they let stand, well, our culture continues to slide further into the cesspool.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

30. I don't see any nastiness on FB but, I have blocked a lot of stuff over there. I actually feel more

in control on FB. My real life friends are pretty decent sort and the ones who weren't I either deleted or blocked.

[Whisp]

34. there's an odd duck around sometimes.

whether this is true or not that this guy wrote about it, doesn't really matter to me - I know there is truth in the story.

[eridani]

35. May be fiction, but could be true. At least it reflects the basic truth that

--women navigate "open" scenes far more easily than men. There are many, many men who have pressured their wives into trying out swingers' clubs. It inevitably happens that she has way more fun than she expected, and he has way less fun than he expected.

The key thing about a swingers' club is that women must always feel safe, or the game is over. Therefore the resident men heavily police newbies until they are satisfied that the newbie really is going to consistently go along with the "No means no" protocol. On the other hand, every new woman is Queen for a Day.