Why We Need to Raise Powerful Children*

[freshwest]

What comes to mind when you hear the word “power”? Does it evoke thoughts of control and abuse or do you think about empathy and compassion?



April 10, 2015 by Marie Roker-Jones

When I talk about raising powerful men, I get a mixed reaction, that is until I provide further explanation. As the mom of two boys, I am constantly looking at the world through the lens of sons as black males. I think about their future and how we are influencing how they see themselves and their world. I am frequently torn between reminding them of how the world sees them as black men and empowering them to be proud black men. It’s a delicate balance of teaching them that they are powerful while reinforcing that power isn’t measured by race, gender, money, or position. Don’t get me wrong, I am aware that many in our society are using these measures to benefit how they use power. Yet, that doesn’t give me an excuse to allow my sons to believe it.

I am not naive enough to believe that my sons will not face pressures to either exert what power they believe they have but I am hopeful that the foundations we set will guide them to make the right decisions. I don’t believe that we have to tell our sons that they are greater than or more accomplished than other children in order for them to feel valued, loved, or understood. I believe it’s important that they recognize their strengths and limitations while appreciating the strengths of others.

When we talk to our children about power and leadership, we have to remind them that leaders earn respect by having respect for themselves and others. Power comes from a place of love and not fear. To be powerful, our children have to see the best in themselves as well as in others. While our children may see people that contradict what we are teaching them about power, we can focus on how we raising better leaders for tomorrow.

We are raising future leaders and we have to inspire how they perceive power. When I think about a powerful person, I think about someone who is aware of and manages his/her feelings. A person who knows that power does not lie in controlling, intimidating, or abusing others in order to get results. A powerful person is mindful of how he/she communicates with others. A powerful person is accountable for his/her words and action...

More at the link:

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-we-need-to-raise-powerful-children-kerj/

*Disclaimer, I am not black. And this is for all mothers and for the mothers of girls, as described at the rest of the link.

We must define our voice to speak to our children of how to recognize their power and use it to be great human beings.

Crossposted from AA group.

[seabeyond]

1. first thought on power, self aware and strong in the self awareness.

now, i am gonna eat some nachos with son, then will got onto reading this. i like the title alone.

[freshwest]

2. Thanks, sea! n/t

[F4lconF16]

3. Yes, respect for life, compassion, love--this is true power.

Something I posted in another thread recently:

Respect in this case does not imply that we respect another’s actions; instead, it means that we view them as something more than an inanimate object. I treat a dog differently than I would a rock. I do so because I firmly believe that the dog, unlike the rock, experiences the world. It is a fellow traveler in this temporary world of life; something that lives, breathes, understands.

Those living beings are deserving of my respect because they have just as much inherent value in the universe as I do. I am but a different type of being. As an atheist, I also see no evidence for a life other than the one I am lucky enough to have. Life is the most incredibly precious thing that exists, for me. We are here, and we are gone, and we have but a quick moment to experience the beauty of the world around us. If I deny the respect I hold for life to another living being, I diminish my own.

The Buddhist perspective is that everyone exists with some amount of basic goodness. That is not an easy view to reconcile with the horrifying things that happen in this world. But I take that perspective anyways, because I think to do otherwise denies my own humanity. If I cannot see the inherent good in psychopaths and murderers, I cannot respect them. If I do not respect them, I do not respect the value of my own life. I see those people as sick; there is no way a sane, healthy mind exists within them. With luck, future medical advances may help us to help them. But for now, I must see their humanity in order to avoid denying my own.

When I have kids, I want to teach them this. When we respect others, when we value the lives of others, we value our own. We are strong when we make others strong. Strength is not control, or abuse. Strength is kindness in the face of darkness. Courage is not stupidity, it is perserverance in doing the right thing even when those around will not. Love is not adulation, but understanding.

The most powerful people that have lived were not dictators or kings or presidents. They were people like MLK and Rosa Luxembourg, Sandra Cisneros and Chief Joseph. They were people who had a love for the world around them, and were truly powerful. Their ideas have outlasted the falls of empires, of societies, and they touched and continue to touch more people than they could have imagined. Their power was not that of force, or gold, or divine retribution: it was one of strength, courage, compassion, and a host of other things that amounted to deep respect for the sanctity of life. They are my heroes, and I hope they will be my childs.

The only way we will continue to move forward is to pass this understanding on to our future generations. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a black mother teaching her son to be powerful, and so I will not comment on that. But I will say that I hope my children are powerful. I hope that they can recognize what the truth of life is, and that they pursue that to the best of their ability, for their sake and other's.

[ismnotwasm]

4. Good article

Thank you for posting

[applegrove]

5. To know oneself is power. So that people can't run a false narrative of

Last edited Thu Apr 16, 2015, 04:14 PM - Edit history (3)

your life because they are so inadequate. I knew myself well enough at 23 to steer clear of a psychopath. The night I met him I did not want that shit in my life. Unfortunately my friends did not know me or themselves. They fell victim to a cognitive opening that takes place in young adults who are looking for a new meaning in their lives. We were in our early 20s. They didn't seem to notice that the creep working his way into their lives was a decade older than them and thus in a position of power over them. The old cult grievance/aspiration one two step was used. Really knowing all your grievances and knowing them well, and not being fooled into something that seems too good to be true (like you don't have to learn harsh truths about yourself...if you just follow the asshole he'll make your dreams come true), or falling for manufactured grievances and aspirational moments created by a psychopath, can stop one from joining a gang or a cult. Knowledge and science are power. Nothing else comes close. Empathy is a way to connect and learn. I don't think one can be truly happy without a good amount of empathy. But empathy without self knowledge makes one a target for the creepy. I had to learn to not empathize so much to survive. I had too much. That is the thing about self knowledge... one can never have too much. Kids in all neighborhoods should be taught about the grievance/aspirational two step. It is what Muslim youth and their families in the west are being taught as we speak. Why not kids from all neighborhoods? Are sociopaths who pray on the rich for their money and power, and gangs who pray on teenagers, not causing mayhem just like ISIS if not more so? How about the GOP gutting the middle class? I wonder what the state of anti cult education of youth is in the red states.

[F4lconF16]

6. Wonderful post, and thank you for it.

Empathy is nothing without self-knowledge. Our strength comes from understanding ourselves and what is important to us. This is (in part) how people are able to persevere in spite of terrible conditions. Knowledge of self leads to a better understanding of others, which manifests in compassion, dignity, and courage. These things are power, and produce powerful people. Leaders, like MLK (always a good example for basically anything), knew themselves incredibly well. They had to. Because of that, they were able to not only lead, but speak truth, and literally change the world.

In part, this is why I am a huge advocate for the use of psychedelic drugs. LSD, DMT, and psilocybin mushrooms (among other things) all not only foster empathy, but self-knowledge. They encourage our minds to open up to new ideas, to looking at things from a different perspective. In doing so, you get to know yourself on levels that you can't even imagine. I have heard a friend talk about a DMT trip where his entire being disappeared. He was no more. It's called an ego death, and it is a very challenging thing to go through. You can get a basic sense of the concept by looking in the mirror--see the person there? It's a different being then you, even though it is you. Now imagine that the real you is gone, and you're looking on the person in the mirror. It's no longer you. It's...something else. Then take that concept and multiply it by 100, and that's an ego death. When you eventually return to your regular being, you have experienced yourself and a lack of self. The changes that makes...are hard to fully describe. But you understand who you are on more than a conscious level. You understand who you are. And that is often life-changing.

I know I experienced a similar realization (not the ego death) the first time I took psilocybin mushrooms. I immediately understood who I was, and what I wanted, and where I was going in life. And it changed me, drastically. I am a much better person today, and I am constantly working on improving myself. My entire life course switched directions. I am working on becoming a lawyer to fight for education reform and work on keeping young adults from entering the prison system. My strength, my passion, my love for the people around me--all of this stems from a deep understanding of who I am.

[applegrove]

7. And they are currently studying the active ingredient

in magic mushrooms because it makes intolerant people tolerant for up to about a year after they are taken. The science on those studies will be out soon. Think of the lives that will be changed for the better.

[F4lconF16]

8. Yes, the war on drugs needs to come to an end.

Ignoring all the societal implications, just the medicinal value is immense. There's research coming out right now that is discussing using psilocybin not only for tolerance, but for addiction, Alzheimer's, OCD, PTSD, depression, etc. And that's just the start, and only one drug. Apparently MDMA (ecstasy) may be useful in treating Parkinson's, which is mind blowing to me. These drugs are of immense value. I've seen it in my life, I've seen it in other's lives, and I am fully in support of full legalization.

[applegrove]

9. Oh I don't support full legalization for all illegal drugs. The ones

Last edited Thu Apr 16, 2015, 09:22 PM - Edit history (1)

that are addictive should be illegal. So too anything that has not been studied or tested. I trust that the drugs that have medicinal value will be made into legal forms as they always have been (morphene). I'm not against making some drugs only available by prescription so they are not misused. Marijuana should be legal for everyone over the age of 18 once the science on it comes in. I think we are on the right road where legalizing is concerned.

[F4lconF16]

10. Should alcohol and tobacco be illegal, then?

Alcohol is an extremely addictive drug, with little medicinal benefit. Should it be illegal?

I do not support criminalization of drug use, period. Too many people are going to jail already for things that they shouldn't. Instead of criminalizing usage, put money into addiction and treatment programs. Put money into local parks, recreation areas, alternatives. Maybe even awareness campaigns (and not drug war scare tactics like DARE, but instead honest appraisals of health issues). That will do far more to reduce harm from drug use than criminalization ever will.

Second, I don't support drugs like heroin, crack, methamphetamine, etc., being used in a non-medicinal setting. They should not be freely purchased and available like alcohol or marijuana are. They are extremely addictive, and we are not in a place societally where usage of those drugs will likely be an occasional thing. Addiction is primarily environmental, and usage of those drugs habitually is reinforced by crippling debt, poverty, abuse, etc. However, we cannot criminalize them, as it serves to not only drive use underground, but it also worsens all of the previously mentioned problems. If you want to criminalize mass producers and distributors, fine. Maybe very light sentences for small-time dealers; unfortunately, many of them deal simply for lack of any other economic options. I'd almost rather not criminalize dealing under a certain threshold at all.

Third, I do support full legalization of the psychedelic class of drugs. I have yet to find one that is harmful at anything approaching normal doses, and as we already discussed, they can be extremely beneficial. Responsibility can be left to the user, as not only are they non-addictive and much less harmful than an already legal drug, alcohol, they naturally prevent harmful habitual use (like multiple times a week). The drugs have a huge tolerance spike after use; for instance, most experienced psychonauts will tell you that you need to wait at least a month before taking something like acid or shrooms again to get the full experience (though they can be used directly afterwards, just to much diminished effect). Also, they encourage responsible, empathetic behavior--studies that have been done show large improvement in societal relations after usage, like you mentioned earlier. Society would do well to not only legalize but encourage usage of those drugs.

[applegrove]

11. I hope they make tabacco illegal at some point.

I was a smoker for 27 years and I hope they are aiming to end tabacco's hold on so many millions. I think they regulate alcohol appropriately.