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Sat Jan 9, 2016, 01:13 AM

Sorry for the upcoming rambling. What can I do to give my money from a family trust to a charity instead of my

instead of my greedy spiteful brother and his family. I have been trying to find out how he got to be the sole trustee and my mother, even though she had a stroke and has trouble speaking is hiding information from me. And at the same time he has set up his wife and daughter on the trust that he alone manages, [I am apparently no longer a trustee] and he is taking money out for himself because he says "It will stop problems after Mom dies....in other words the money she has given me from the trust over the years.......he thinks that money will be deducted and given straight to him as to "make things even"

I do have a disability but nothing that makes mer unable to handle money. I run a house by myself and I used to manage my Mom and Dad's apartment building for many years. When I left my mom continued to give me what I was being given while manager. Until hurricane Sandy demolished them and she only got a small amount for the property.

I am just so pissed off at the way I am being treated. It is not about the money but it might be if this little jack ass Presbeterian minister drains the whole thing. It is so much more about how I have just been cut out of the process and no one will tell me anything. Even at the bank the man said he could not tell me anything about the checking account that now has his wife an d daughter somehow attached to it and when I continued to ask questions he said something about how I just needed to LEAVE!

I de-brothered him several months ago after finally realizing that he ha treated me so poorly over the years because I am bi-sexual. I guess I lived in denial about that for a long time. I remembered asking my mother why she thought he disliked me and all she could think of was I missed his wedding about 30 years ago, (I was very ill with panic disorder and other things at the time.

I know I probably will hire an attorney and spend a bunch of money that I do not have a whole lot of but I also wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or knows about marital and family trusts. The only one that can be changed by my mother is the marital trust. The other one can't. I have no clue how much is in them. And he will not send me any in formation, no statements. He told my mother again to wait until Feb when he comes down and he will talk then but she didn't know or doesn't care that he told me that same damn thing about the last time he was coming down, (paid for by, of courser the trust fund) and he gave me NO statements or anything regarding what I asked for].

I would rather leave money to organizations that do good in this world than to a man who preaches that people are born full of sin and it is justified to ban and shun the GLBT community and refuse to make flowers or a cake for a gay wedding.

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Reply Sorry for the upcoming rambling. What can I do to give my money from a family trust to a charity instead of my (Original post)
Maraya1969 Jan 2016 OP
PoiBoy Jan 2016 #1
kathysart_decoration Jan 2016 #2
PoiBoy Jan 2016 #3
Scruffy Rumbler Feb 2016 #4
roody May 2016 #5
cpamomfromtexas Apr 2018 #6

Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Sat Jan 9, 2016, 03:18 AM

1. You need to get yourself an attorney....


I have no experience in trusts as I am just now starting the process of setting one up, but it sure sounds like you need immediate, local, professional legal advice...

Good luck to you... I hope it works out for you...

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Sat Jan 9, 2016, 11:26 AM

2. My own experience with this


Don't know if this will help. The state you live in should have info on how they require trusts to be set up and handled. When did this trust get set up, and, do you think your mother was competent at that time? Were you present and did you also have to sign off on the trust agreement? Did everyone involved have an attorney involved and present at time of signing? Was your mother represented by her own attorney - not your brother's, which could be considered a conflict-of-interest? I assume you are listed as a beneficiary and, as such, you do have rights - again, depending on the state you live in. You can explore some of this ahead of contacting an attorney by checking with your state's Bar Association. The Bar Association should also have a program for recommending an attorney, which can be the most difficult part of this for you. Define your questions ahead of meeting with attorneys you are considering to represent you. Meet with several attorneys and know what you're looking for.

The very difficult situation I went through with my siblings taught me a lot, but, unfortunately, it was after it was all over and my father was dead. Believe me, I understand your struggle. Also, in the state I live in - Wisconsin - the attorneys involved were all paid for by my father's estate through the whole process. You should find out whether that would be the case for you. Lawyers are very expensive and you have to use them sparingly, which can be difficult if you are doing this on your own.

I sense your anger. The most important thing I learned from all I went through, was that my anger got in the way of smart decisions. My 2 siblings and their spouses and children had each other to help them through. I am unmarried with no children and I had only myself. That is a dangerous situation for you. STOP and control your anger - however justified it may be - before you make any decision. From what you are writing here, I see all sorts of red flags, the first major one being your mother's competency and ability to sign any such document. Start with that and then, again, move ahead without the anger. Immediately contact your State Bar Association site for information regarding the setting up and running of Trusts. After you have informed your self you may know what you need to in order to speak intelligently to an attorney. That really is the most important advice I can give and I hope you come back and read this.

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Response to kathysart_decoration (Reply #2)

Sun Jan 10, 2016, 01:29 PM

3. Great information...

..lots of insight in your post.. thank you..!!

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Sat Feb 20, 2016, 05:43 PM

4. Maraya1969,

First off, my condolences to you for having to deal with this at a time when family should be coming together.

Misuse of monies of the elderly constitutes abuse.

If you are not familiar with 211, give that phone number a try. They are information for Social Services and may be able to put you in touch with pro bono (sp) lawyers in your area.

You may also want to reach out to any Elder Abuse organizations. Here is a link to the National Elder Abuse Hotline, www.ncea.aoa.gov/. Their front page has a link to state hotlines.

On a personal note, we in the GLBT community have been facing this type of behavior from our 'christain' family members for as long as I can remember. I am 52. My mother and I came out at the same time in the early 1980's. What your family/ brother is doing to you is NOT your fault and no way reflects upon you! My gay brother put my homophobic sister and her husband in place to care of our mother. She was forced to sit and listen to fox news. They took her bed and when she asked for it back, they refused and told family that mom was gone and they could do anything they wanted. They lasted less then a year in the house when they walked out one Friday evening and left mom in the care of another sister, the one they claimed had been abusing my mother and her money. This is only a very little sample of the things my siblings did to my mother and those of us that challenged them. For my family, it was the culmination of generations of abuse and adiction showing itself

We went to court for guardianship and won after a year long court battle. We buried my mom in 2014, after 4 years of laughter and tears as we lived together.

Good luck and try not to take what they do personally.... I know easier typed then done. It took it's toll on me and my good sisters.

Hope the hotline info helps.....


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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Sat May 21, 2016, 11:08 PM

5. Get a good attorney.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Sat Apr 14, 2018, 03:25 PM

6. My dad just got my grandparents trust into a lawsuit

And then assigned the land in the lawsuit to me. Nice guy huh?

I am just now learning I have been victim of a narcissist my whole life. Something was wrong with my mother too for never being able to admit he was cruel and irrational. It seemed to be enough for her to not worry about The bills and pretend to have the perfect family.

If my grandparents knew of all of this they would never have left him in charge.

One sibling is a narcissist and the other is just in denial. She was much younger so escaped most of his crazy behavior.

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