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Maraya1969

(22,462 posts)
Mon Jun 11, 2018, 08:05 AM Jun 2018

My mom has been in several facilities because of a stroke and then because

she had brain trauma from falling on her head the day before Hurricane Irma, (I posted about this when it happened).

Anyway at the last place she was in she became loud and sometimes violent. Because she has Aphasia she would only repeat the words, "I don't know" over and over. I read that this is a phrase many people with Aphasia say. But she was obviously distressed. I spoke with the psychiatrist and they ended up putting her on a tranquilizer which has worked very well.

So now she is at an assisted living memory care place with only 6 residents. One of the residents often yells over and over, "Help me, Help me" I have been with my mom watching TV when this other woman started up and my mom was obviously uncomfortable and wanted to leave, which I helped her do.

So on Sat. I went there and my mom was in bed trying to take a nap. The other woman was sitting in the kitchen which is right outside my mom's bedroom and wouldn't stop saying, "Help me" and maybe some other things that I didn't understand. I went out and looked at her and she seemed very distressed. Then I ended up closing my mom's door and played music for her over my phone so she didn't have to hear the other woman. I also asked them that in the future, when my mom goes in for a nap that they shut her door and was told that they couldn't do that because they had to keep an eye on her.

So I just called this morning and spoke with the nurse/manager and told her how upsetting is was and how I did not think it fair that my mother had to be medicated to stop her from outbursts but this woman had them all day long and they seem to do nothing about it. I also told them that the woman seems like she is in real distress.

I was told, "She has an illness". Well so do a lot of people. That doesn't mean you can't give them something to help them and to help the people around them. I said some things to that effect and the nurse/manager hung up on me! So I called right back and one of the workers answered the phone and said, "She just stepped out" and then I got really mad and said, "I know she is there, she is probably listening to this!"

Then I told them I would report them to the proper authorities if something was not done about this.

Yea I lost my cool. I often do. I got off the phone and called the Department of Children and Families and they gave me a number for an Ombudsman. The woman I spoke to there understood my concerns.

But now I am afraid that if I call the Ombudsman and they go over to do a check it will fall back on my mom's treatment. I don't give a shit what they think of me, I do care what they think of my mother.

I am asking if anyone knows about these things. I never thought that the other woman might be the one who is suffering from abuse by allowing her to yell all day long and not getting medical help for her.

I do seem to piss a lot of people off because I am a fierce advocate for my mother and I think some people resent it. But I have been dealing with hospitals and nursing homes for almost a year now and it seems as if I stay quiet nothing will happen.

If anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate it.

6 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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My mom has been in several facilities because of a stroke and then because (Original Post) Maraya1969 Jun 2018 OP
By some state laws, residents can not be restrained Soxfan58 Jun 2018 #1
That is an idea although I would have to get them to put the earphones on her Maraya1969 Jun 2018 #2
My heart breaks for you Rorey Jun 2018 #3
Thanks Rorey. It is really difficult. But also my mom stopped saying that Maraya1969 Jun 2018 #4
Good friend is an RN in a nursing home Freddie Jun 2018 #5
I'm guessing the other woman has mercuryblues Jun 2018 #6

Soxfan58

(3,479 posts)
1. By some state laws, residents can not be restrained
Mon Jun 11, 2018, 08:17 AM
Jun 2018

Medication that would impair her would be considered constraint. Brain trama, and dementia are tough on families, but not the patients fault. Have you tried you moms favorite music on headphones?

Maraya1969

(22,462 posts)
2. That is an idea although I would have to get them to put the earphones on her
Mon Jun 11, 2018, 08:22 AM
Jun 2018

when I am not there.

I don't see how medication could impair her any worse then she already is. I hope if I ever get to be like that that someone would help me with the proper medication or whatever. I would hope they wouldn't leave me yelling, "Help me" and not try and help me.

Rorey

(8,445 posts)
3. My heart breaks for you
Mon Jun 11, 2018, 08:27 AM
Jun 2018

I don't know the right answer, but I wonder if the "help me" is along the lines of your mom's "I don't know". I don't think I've ever visited a nursing home where someone wasn't saying it.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such a difficult situation. Your mom is so fortunate to have you as her advocate.



Maraya1969

(22,462 posts)
4. Thanks Rorey. It is really difficult. But also my mom stopped saying that
Mon Jun 11, 2018, 08:32 AM
Jun 2018

like she had been, (she would yell it) after she was put on some Xanex type drug. It has calmed her down wonderfully and I think she is much happier now. I don't understand why these patients should just be left to suffer like that. I understand it is, "Dementia" but I wonder how much they are suffering and if more can be done to help them with such suffering.

If I had the flu and ended up in an ER I wouldn't expect the doctor to just say, "Oh it's the flu" and not give me medications to help me feel better while I had the flu. It seems like with dementia people just say, "Oh it's just dementia" and they don't try and help the person with the symptoms.

Freddie

(9,256 posts)
5. Good friend is an RN in a nursing home
Mon Jun 11, 2018, 08:37 AM
Jun 2018

And says that some patients yell all day (or night) and there isn't much they can do about it because of restraint issues as above. It's heartbreaking. My dad was in hospice in a nursing home and there was a woman who sat in the lounge by the elevators and said "take me home!" to every family member walking by, every day.

mercuryblues

(14,522 posts)
6. I'm guessing the other woman has
Mon Jun 11, 2018, 08:38 AM
Jun 2018

Alzheimer's. Help me is a phrase they often say. She says it so much that no one pays attention to it anymore.

Talk directly to your Mom's DR. about how her outbursts stress your Mom. I would apologize to the staff, letting them know that you have been advocating for your Mom and her stress has impacted you, but you never should have taken it out on them.

What your goal is, is to come up with a course of action for all involved when your Mom starts getting stressed. Medication should be the last resort. IE if she starts yelling in the kitchen again, is it ok for you to move the woman to the common area, to calm her? So your Mom remains calm.

You don't want her moved to a larger facility. Instead of having 1 person lie this, you will have several. And most likely shared rooms.


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