The Parmelee Post: UVM Lab Directs Resources Into Cloning Bernie Sanders

[Donkees]

Excerpt:

Professors from the University of Vermont Department of Biology have announced that they'll be suspending all ongoing research studies for the rest of the year and committing available resources to producing clones of Sen. Bernie Sanders.

“The way I see it, we have less than two months left of guaranteed federal funding for scientific research. After that, all bets are off,” said molecular geneticist Victoria Clemons, PhD. “It is in our best interests to devote that precious time toward a project that we believe would be of the greatest benefit to the scientific community and humanity at large.”

Thanks to the Vermont senator’s tireless efforts on the campaign trail earlier this year, sanity nearly replaced maple syrup as the state's greatest domestic export, a feat many considered impossible. The 74-year-old self-proclaimed democratic socialist isn't showing signs of slowing down any time soon. However, the scientific community has begun to worry he is susceptible to aging like everybody else.

“Just as with precious research data, it doesn’t hurt to have a couple backups handy, because you never know when you’ll need them in the future,” explained research assistant Taylor Bunningwitz. “The country wasn’t entirely prepared for the Bern in 2016, so we’re gonna make sure we have plenty of nonperishable Bernies on hand for when it is.”

When will that be, exactly? According the latest available data, it could be "a while."

http://www.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/the-parmelee-post-uvm-lab-directs-resources-into-cloning-bernie-sanders/Content?oid=3818256

[CentralMass]

1. :-)

[dae]

2. .

LOL, I'll chip in a few for continued research. Start a gofundme Donkees.

[Donkees]

3. I'm busy knitting an antler hat :)

[dae]

4. Dangit, you made that pic pop back in my head.

[JudyM]

5. Me too!

[dae]

6. Maybe I need to take up knitting to!