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(3,595 posts)
Sat Apr 30, 2016, 08:05 PM Apr 2016

Time to say goodbye to my mother.

She is 97 and has spent the last 9 years I dementia care. She is in no pain or stress but her body is failing to the point that I am to go Monday to sign hospice papers - no further treatment that would aim towards curing anything.

Logically, it it right but it feels like I am signing her death warrant. It hurts.

There is relief that I will be able to sell her rental property which has been one big headache. That is the only good thing about this. Beyond it, I feel shitty.

7 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Time to say goodbye to my mother. (Original Post) Hoppy Apr 2016 OP
Remember that death comes for all of us. CaliforniaPeggy Apr 2016 #1
That was so beautifully said, Peggy. CurtEastPoint Apr 2016 #2
Aw, thank you, my dear CurtEastPoint... CaliforniaPeggy Apr 2016 #3
You're doing the best for your mother....really. snappyturtle Apr 2016 #4
Sorry to hear that Tab May 2016 #5
Thanks, guys for the responses. Hoppy May 2016 #6
Peggy is the best, to be sure Tab May 2016 #7


(150,289 posts)
1. Remember that death comes for all of us.
Sat Apr 30, 2016, 08:09 PM
Apr 2016

And by signing her hospice papers, you are allowing nature to take its course. She will die with or without hospice, but with it, her passing will hopefully be easier for her.

Be gentle with yourself.


(14,656 posts)
4. You're doing the best for your mother....really.
Sat Apr 30, 2016, 09:32 PM
Apr 2016

I know it's hard...my mom was 95...hard. Hospice care is a blessing. Makes the transition easier.

Take care of yourself.


(11,093 posts)
5. Sorry to hear that
Sun May 1, 2016, 03:45 PM
May 2016

but wow - 97?

You're not signing her death certificate. She's going to go when it's her time. What you are offering is an ability to spend the remaining time in a familiar or comfortable enivronment, not just hooked up to breathing tubes in a hospital. She is lucky to have you.

Post or PM anytime.



(3,595 posts)
6. Thanks, guys for the responses.
Wed May 4, 2016, 10:45 PM
May 2016

Mom continues on the downward trend. Staff said that what is likely to happen will be a "cascade" of organ failure. She is now getting morphine by mouth. That is probably the beginning of the end but it is not the same as the morphine "drip" which will end her life in a matter of days.

Peggy posted what I needed to read. I have been feeling down for the past three years after I lost Joyce to cancer. I have friends but I would feel badly bringing up my sorrows with them and bringing a raincloud over their heads. It is not fun being with someone who is always down so I avoid talking to people about my sad feelings.

D.U. is close enough but yet far enough that I can post my problems and feelings here and know that nobody is going to take "go down" with negative feelings because of what I post.

Thanks, guys.



(11,093 posts)
7. Peggy is the best, to be sure
Sat May 7, 2016, 07:09 AM
May 2016

And to reiterate, you're not changing when your mother will die, just under what circumstances it'll happen, and I'd much rather go the hospice way (and am) than the traditional big-bills / sterile-environment / no-quality-of-life alternative. My quality of life isn't what it used to be, but it's a far cry from spending the next year in the hospital. I suspect that at the end you'll recognize it was the best choice.

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