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Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:43 AM

Who can I talk to who can explain what my father did/went through during the last two

days of his life last weekend?

My brother and I tended to our father as he died and I wanted to find some answers regarding what we saw and heard, and his behaviors over those last two days. I'm going to reach out to the hospice social worker, but who else might be able to explain it to me?

Thanks.

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Reply Who can I talk to who can explain what my father did/went through during the last two (Original post)
phylny Jan 2021 OP
Rorey Jan 2021 #1
634-5789 Jan 2021 #2
Rorey Jan 2021 #3
AllyCat Jan 2021 #4
Girard442 Jan 2021 #5
Karadeniz Jan 2021 #6
Tetrachloride Jan 2021 #7
mopinko Jan 2021 #8
alittlelark Jan 2021 #9
marble falls Jan 2021 #10
Big Blue Marble Jan 2021 #11
phylny Jan 2021 #12

Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:47 AM

1. I'm sorry for your loss

I hope the hospice worker can help.

I'm sure some folks here may also have some input if you want to share what your questions are.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 07:55 AM

2. Attending physician?

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:00 AM

3. I can tell you this

I had the privilege of being with loved ones four separate times at the end of their lives, and each one was different. I read and read and read and read, looking for answers. What I found is that many of the questions I had didn't have a one-size-fits-all answer.

But questioning is something we naturally do as a means to cope with something so big.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:52 AM

4. I am so sorry for your loss.

Definitely reach out to hospice.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 09:31 AM

5. When my wife died after being in hospital for several weeks...

...I created a timeline document of events based on texts and emails and memories. It wasn't so much to try to understand what happened, but to record the experiences so I wouldn't have a moment in the future when I would feel bad that a memory had slipped away and struggle to reconstruct it. I really don't look at much, but knowing it's there is a comfort.

That was ten years ago.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 09:37 AM

6. Can you tell us what you saw and heard?

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 09:51 AM

7. I suggest call an outsider if your hospice worker doesn't know.

1. Call an outsider. Your local funeral home may be able to advise on who and also on what questions to ask, or answer some of your questions.
2. Then you are ready to ask the real questions to the real person.

My hospice worker explained a few things and it was as she said. Fortunately, in the case of my mother, there was no mystery of her condition or care.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 10:03 AM

8. the hospice org i volunteered w had counselors.

see if yours did, too. if not, find a social worker who does bereavement counseling.

but i agree w the reply above about creating a timeline. write it all down now.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 10:21 AM

9. Are these questions of a somewhat spiritual nature?

Sorry about the loss of your father.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 12:10 PM

10. Start with dad's personal physician, or even your own.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 03:16 PM

11. Reach out to Hospice in your area.

They may have grief counselors on staff or will refer you to one in the community.

In my experience, I found it very helpful to have a professional who understands
so many aspects of losing someone you love including their dying process.

I am so sorry for your loss and commend you for caring for your father in last days.

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Response to phylny (Original post)

Sun Jan 17, 2021, 08:50 PM

12. Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts.

My questions are not spiritual, they are about what he physically seemed to go through.

I can describe it in detail, but don't want to upset anyone.

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