What death doulas can teach us about dying well without religion

[erronis]

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2026-07-death-doulas-dying-religion.html

In most Western societies, death has always been the church's job. Nearly everyone wanted last rites, deathbed prayers and a faith leader at their bedside. But for a growing number of people, that template for dying is no longer the only option. The death doula, a different kind of caregiver, is increasingly entering the scene.

Some might have seen a death doula on the latest season of HBO's medical drama "The Pitt." Others may have recently heard Australian actress Nicole Kidman announce that she is training to become one.

So what exactly is a death doula (sometimes also called an end-of-life doula, soul midwife or compassionate companion)? Much like a birth doula--a trained, nonmedical professional who provides support to a person during childbirth--they help guide a person through life's final chapter.

As researchers in the sociology of religion, we study the changing landscape of death. With religious affiliation showing a sharp decline--in 1985, 90% of Canadians identified as religious, while in 2019, this had fallen to 68%--many people look to do death differently.

. . .

For me, anything but a "religious" person, please.

[hlthe2b]

1. Anyone with compassion can certainly be helpful, so I'm not about to criticize...

That said, I hope there is someone there medically trained (and capable) of providing pain relief.

[maleficentia]

8. Having recently gone through end of life care for my Father

I hope it's comforting to know that once you or your loved one is in hospice care and at the point of needing pain relief, your faimily caregiver can or will be given sublingual morphine prescription to administer as needed.

[anciano]

2. A very thought provoking OP......

As an agnostic who believes in oneness with Nature, my hope is to be able to die a natural death at home, and the idea of having a non-religious doula as a supportive caregiver is something I would certainly consider.

YMMV

[oberle]

3. A friend who is a retired Unitarian/Universalist minister

is a death doula now. She says it's the most rewarding and meaningful work she has done.

[erronis]

4. That's wonderful. And I can believe her feelings -- helping others in difficult times!

[Quanta]

5. As someone who has unofficially acted in that capacity

It is definitely something that would be beneficial. Many times, families and children are not prepared for what is happening in those moments. Especially at the end of something like Cancer or Dementia. Those folks are walking a line with one foot in the spirit world for either a long while or really quickly, and it's never pretty. If society had an official role for somebody who helps make that transition smoother, it would be an awesome thing. I don't think I could do it personally, because it is so heartbreaking.

[erronis]

6. Being someone outside the family can help so much.

They have so many emotional issues and memories that interfere with clear thinking about the realities. And to be able to just listen, listen.

[NNadir]

7. There is an excellent book written by a physician practicing palliative care that I bought for my sons and wife.

It's called "That Good Night, Life and Medicine in the Eleventh Hour " by Dr. Sunita Puri.

Palliative care is a new and little known, I think, medical specialty, easing the way out of life. (The reviews talk about "spirituality; that's not what the book is about however; I recommend it highly.)

I'm an atheist and the last thing I want on the way out is being surrounded by mumbo jumbo. Having been close to my parents (who were into mumbo jumbo) when they were dying, I feel that one thing that happens is that people go through unnecessary suffering believing in miracles, grasping for them with medical technology beyond the place said technology actually is capable of working.

There are no miracles. Death is a part of living and acknowledging as much makes living all that more valuable, at least to me.

[GiqueCee]

9. I was raised...

... by an über-religious mother. Not the kind we associate with the term today; she was kind, for the most part, apart from her not-so-well-hidden resentment of me as the reason she had to get married, but desperate to believe in anything but herself, as she was systematically indoctrinated to accept.
I'm pushing 80, and harbor no illusions of much life left to me now, never mind in an imaginary hereafter. That's just the way it is, and I'm cool with that. What I'm not cool with are the lies that manipulative zealots tell to insinuate themselves into one of the most intimate moments we have with those loved ones who might want to be with us in our waning hours. I want none of that.
Sorry; this post just triggered something I've been thinking about a lot lately.