We Ranked Each 2020 Candidate by How Sweaty They Got in Miami Weather

[TexasTowelie]

Miami summers have a way of defeating the weak-willed. Locals, who already don't go to the beach that much, truly stop sitting by the ocean. You start ordering takeout for dinner every night because it's too hot to carry groceries outside. Walking your dog for 15 minutes will annihilate any hairstyle you've bothered with and force you to take a shower before doing anything else that day. For six months of the year, Miamians sorta constantly feel like they're breathing through a damp sock.

So when an extremely large and mostly boring slate of 2020 Democratic presidential candidates came to town this week, we noticed something: Many of them were clearly unprepared for the heat. To be fair, it was one of the hottest weeks in Miami history, according to University of Miami scientist Brian McNoldy. Some candidates held strong on days when the heat index felt, quite literally, like 110 degrees. But others, e.g. pallid California bot Eric Swalwell, utterly wilted under the literal and figurative heat. Thus, the Sweat Index, a definitely scientific ranking of the 2020 Democratic candidates based on their relative preparation for and imperviousness to Miami humidity, was born.

For the record, this list wound up skewing along gender lines for unfunny reasons — female candidates face an unfair double-standard by which they're judged more harshly on their looks and thus must work harder to keep up appearances — and funny reasons, in that guys like John Hickenlooper and Tim Ryan are huge oafs who look like their skin is rotting even in perfect conditions.

(These rankings also very clearly are not political endorsements and have zero bearings on whether anyone deserves to be president.)

Read more: https://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/miami-2020-democratic-debates-all-the-candidates-ranked-by-sweatiness-11207292

[femmedem]

1. Mostly silliness, of course, but the coverage of Inslee was really good.

I really like Inslee, and this article's detailing of his visiting little Haiti and releasing his Freedom from Fossil Fuel plan in the Everglades reminded me of how much I wish his campaign was doing better.

Also: Bill De Blasio quoting Che in Miami? Jaw-droppingly tone deaf.

[cannabis_flower]

2. Well, I can explain some of this..

We get acclimated to the weather where we live. Beto comes from an area of Texas that is hot but not very humid. Castro is from San Antonio, San Antonio is on the edge of the Texas Hill Country, it's hot and not very humid.

Marianne Williamson is from Houston, pretty much the capital of hot and humid. She's acclimated to hot, humid weather and probably spends time outdoors every day in the summer.

Most of the others are from places that are cooler and would be bothered by the heat even if the humidity doesn't bother them.

Warren is originally from Oklahoma and hot in the summer there, but not humid but she's probably gotten used to humid in Massachusetts.

Harris is used to humidity but not heat since she's from the California Bay area.

Gillibrand I can't explain.