I feel so betrayed.

I never knew there was something done to me down there. There were hints. Like when I went to a gblt friendly clinic for a yeast infection that seriously had me thinking of a fork to ease the itch when I had no insurance. The gym looked at me and gasped . I asked is it THAT bad? She asked if I had female genital surgery and I said I didn't think so,she dissapeared into a room came out with another doctor went in that room and was in there a good while. She came out said I had a yeast infection gave me meds and I left. My father made me swear never to get genetic testing And though my young years dresses were forced on me my mom and aunt forced me down to pluck my eyebrows my father would yell at me to "be a girl". All of this has made no sense until now. My mom was drugged up when I was born and I spent a month in a incubator sure I was premature but what else did they do. I'm a ftm transgender .I have been on testosterone now coming up on 6 years. I haven't grown down below. I have a nice goatee, a deeper voice I look masculine .but getting bottom surgery is not possible unless they can grow one from my own cells and attach it and hope it works
I think I was born intersex and they lopped off part of my clitoris because back in the sixties people were so godamn stupid when it comes to gender
I feel hopeless