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Gender: Female
Member since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 04:56 AM
Number of posts: 27,711

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the question: "what is grief?"

"Grief is the internal part of loss, how we feel. The internal work of grief is a process, a journey. It does not end on a certain day or date. It is as individual as each of us. Grief is real because loss is real. Each grief has its own imprint, as distinctive and as unique as the person we lost. The pain of loss is so intense, so heartbreaking, because in loving we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost."

The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. I am so sorry for your loss.
2. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
3. I donít know how you feel, but I am here to help in anyway I can.
4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
5. My favorite memory of your loved one isÖ
6. I am always just a phone call away
7. Give a hug instead of saying something
8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
10. Saying nothing, just be with the person

The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. At least she lived a long life, many people die young
2. He is in a better place
3. She brought this on herself
4. There is a reason for everything
5. Arenít you over him yet, he has been dead for awhile now
6. You can have another child still
7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him
8. I know how you feel
9. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go
10. Be strong

same type of thing happened to us years ago

when the idea of having a smoke detector was fairly new

my mom didn't want one, didn't like the way it looked--i don't know!--anyway, my dad put it away in a dresser drawer under his t-shirts. and left it there.

after he died we left his things in place, including his dresser and clothes. about a year later i noticed a chirp every once in awhile when i passed by his room. my mom and i thought a bird was in the attic, just outside his window, in his room somewhere.

it took about six months or so (from what i remember) until i was able to figure out where the sound was coming from. and much to our surprise it was the hidden away smoke detector with the low battery chirp/beep going off!

mystery solved.

with a heavy heart i offer my sympathy to you

I Stood by Your Bed Last Night

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying...you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear.
"It's me, I haven't left you...I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I am not lying there.
I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key,
I gently put my paw on you. I smiled and said, "It's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.
It's possible for me to be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over...I smile and watch you yawning
And say, "Goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we will stand, side-by-side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.

-Author Unknown


Pawprints Left By You
You no longer greet me,
As I walk through the door.
You're not there to make me smile,
To make me laugh anymore.
Life seems quiet without you,
You were far more than a pet.
You were a family member, a friend
. . . a loving soul I'll never forget.
It will take time to heal -
For the silence to go away.
I still listen for you,
And miss you every day.
You were such a great companion,
Constant, loyal and true.
My heart will always wear,
the pawprints left by you.

-Teri Harrison

both poems at:

so much love -- so much love

how wonderful you had each other.

i'm sure there are no words of true comfort now -- the comfort would be her and to have her back.

i went through this parting with my little furry girl seven months ago and i still grieve for her. i think saying goodbye for this lifetime is the hardest thing we do. when we love someone we never want to part with them. and although i believe i will see my baby again, and i feel she is still near (the scratching sound on the kitchen door frame, a bump against the couch when she'd rub her face along the bottom of it, and more), my heart is still broken.

i was with my girl at the end too.
how amazing it is that we (us and them) love so much.

my heart goes out to you.

i miss those days too. but for a different reason

my mom used to listen to the show. i'd still be up and in the living room and she'd come out of her room and tell me about the show. (she did it when noory took over too but she was with me longer if i go back to art bell.) i miss my mom.

things don't always go as planned

so often real life seems to get in the way of our plans, taking us down roads we hadn't intended on going or paths we weren't even aware existed.

it sounds like you have made their care and well being a priority in your life and that is not a bad thing. (do they have any grandkids that could help you out or pick up some of the slack?)

unfortunately we can't control everything. if we could i would be watching a movie now with my mom who would be ninety years old.

"I count my blessings because I have it pretty good..."
glad to hear it. you are fortunate.

as far as not having the desire to date it sounds understandable. there's a lot on your plate and, like i said, you've made your parents a priority. it's a very kind and loving thing for you to do. and perhaps they have become your primary relationship. when you're interested and ready to date or refocus some attention on another individual then you will.

wishing you all the best.

well, when i had dogs one of the things we could do was cuddle on bad days

doing tricks
throwing toys
sometimes i'd run thru the living room and get chased
sometimes i'd laugh hysterically as they ripped back and forth around the living room just to wear off some excess energy

i'd tell the dogs stories, sometimes using their toys as props and characters. sometimes they thought i was crazy, sometimes they appeared to enjoy the stories. or at least the way i told them.

my last little furkid loved to eat snow. maybe bring a snowball or two in the house and see what they think?

what a shock. i knew he was sick, read post about hosp. to rehab to hosp.

death always shocks me. no matter how much i consider the possibility it always comes as a shock or a surprise

and i feel very sad for you, kali. your loss runs deep.
and i feel bad for everything jim had to go through just to finally be free.

but he *is* free--and i imagine he is dancing now with an even more lovely expression on his face than the one he has in the beautiful picture you posted.
and with wide, open arms he embraces you. he's fine now.


"New Illinois Laws In 2014: 10 Of The Land Of Lincoln's Most Important Laws Taking Effect Jan. 1

Earlier this year, Illinois became the final U.S. state to pass a concealed carry law and, starting this week, it will formally go into effect. Beginning Sunday, Illinois residents can apply online for a concealed carry permit on the Illinois State Police's website. State Police are required by law to approve a license, should no problems arise, within 90 days and the first licenses are expected to be issued by mid-January, ABC Chicago reports. (HB 183)

Medical marijuana technically arrives in Illinois on Jan. 1, though the agencies overseeing the state's four-year pilot program will still have 120 days from Wednesday to lay out the application process for those who qualify to get their hands on the drug. (HB 1)

Beginning on Jan. 1, drivers in Illinois will be required to use a Bluetooth headset or speakerphone if they wish to talk on the phone while driving -- any driver caught holding a phone up to their ear could be fined at least $75. Exceptions may apply in the case of emergencies. About a dozen other states have already implemented similar laws, according to the Chicago Tribune. (HB 1247)

Taking a long road trip across Illinois? You can get to your destination slightly faster now. As of Jan. 1, the speed limit on rural Illinois highways has been increased from 65 to 70 mph. For now, the law leaves the majority of the Chicago area as a slow zone, something state Sen. Jim Oberweis is pushing to change. (SB 2356)

Another new Illinois law going into effect means public school districts teaching sex education will now be required to teach about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases, rather than just abstinence. The law does allow districts to opt out entirely of sex education. (HB 2675)

Illinois residents younger than 18 will no longer be allowed to use indoor tanning facilities as of Jan. 1. Any businesses violating the new law could be fined $250. (HB 188)

Beginning Jan. 1, any Illinois voter eligible to vote in a November general election will also be eligible to vote in the preceding primary, even if they are only 17 years old at the time of the primary, NBC Chicago reports. Interested 17-year-old voters in Chicago must register by Feb. 18 in order to vote in the March 18 primary. (HB 226)

New pet owners in Illinois will be newly protected by a "lemon law" that allows owners to be refunded the cost of the pet or reimbursed for veterinary costs if a new pet has been purchased without disclosure of any serious illnesses. (SB 1639)

Illinois lawmakers have also increased the maximum penalty for anyone caught using social media to organize a violent "flash mob" from three years to six years in prison, the Chicago Sun-Times reports. (SB 1005)

Bad news, cigarette tossers: cigarette butts have now been specifically designated as litter and, under a newly strengthened penalty, anyone caught tossing one is risking a $1,500 fine. (HB 3243)


i'm wondering what if we use social media to organize a non-violent flash mob? like: "hey, look, everybody, quick, come over here and look at this!"

re: cell phones while driving. i always use the speaker phone. but i'm glad they have that "emergency" out clause so i can put the phone to my ear when i say to my daughter: "you want WHAT for dinner???"

medical pot: does this mean we're going to have roadside stands like california where we can stop in and buy pot and they will give us a list to check off ailments that apply and would qualify us for it? or do we need a doctor's script? and where are people going to buy this stuff? it could give the term "berger joint" a whole new meaning.

the conceal carry law--i heard businesses can have the option of putting an official (state approved) sign in their store window that shows a gun with a slash line through it. so now i'm gonna have to look for those signs and not shop at a store that doesn't have the sign. what a pain in the ass.

i smoke and have a habit of flipping cigarette buts onto my lawn next to the driveway before getting into the car or when getting out of the car. i wonder if this law applies to my yard. i pick them up every three months or so but am i going to have to stand in my backyard now just to flip a cigarette? (and hope a neighbor doesn't "catch" me on a mostly concealed camera?) there's something about flipping a cigarette butt into the distance that really drives a point home--or makes you look like a hard ass. i think i'd really miss that. i've always enjoyed making a point while looking like a hard ass--it makes the point i'm trying to make seem even more important and even a bit dangerous...

sex ed: good. now these kids won't have any excuse for...whatever they had excuses for before.

puppy lemons: poor puppies.

underage tanning: good. in my neck of the suburban woods it was just a lot of status crap on the part of the kid and the mom anyway. now we can tell our seventeen yr. old daughters to stay the hell out of the tanning beds and go have protected sex. and depending on where their boyfriends live, they can drive there at 70 miles an hour and register to vote on the way!

life keeps getting better all the time.

my heart goes out to you

it's hard to lose one we love and the adjustment to their absence takes time
i lost my little furkid (dog) back in june and still have a hard time over the fact that she is not here with me.

stewie sounds very unique with an adorable personality that was greatly appreciated. you were lucky to have each other. and i'm very sorry for such a loss. i suspect the days ahead won't be easy.

i post a lot in the bereavement group
i began posting there about my mom who passed several years ago but i have also posted about my furry little girl who made my world better and left my world so empty after her departure.

leave this thread here in the lounge--no one will object and i've seen other bereavement threads here. but if you would like to make a double post of this, or just come visit, you'll find the bereavement group here:

again, my condolences. take care.
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