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Gender: Female
Member since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 04:56 AM
Number of posts: 27,711

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sometimes there are moments in life that are simply magical

my daughter & her fiance were sitting outside their apartment enjoying the sun
they began talking about the type of yard they would like to have one day
one thing lead to another & my daughter began talking about how she had never seen a hummingbird in nature and it used to be her favorite creature when she was a child.
she said it would be magical if she ever saw one.
a couple minutes later her fiance tells her to "look" and she turns and looks up at the small tree she was sitting near/beneath
and there it was--a hummingbird!
she was so delighted she began to cry.
they watched it for a minute or so before it flew off.

she was so awed by the experience she had to call & tell me.

one of the nicknames my mom had for my daughter was Flit--named for the hummingbird in the Pocahontas movie.

i told her i thought it was a "sign" but we both think it is more a sign from the universe rather than a sign from my mother who passed nearly five years ago. (although i could be wrong)

or maybe it was just one of those wonderful, serendipitous experiences.

at any rate--it was pretty awesome.

and so--in honor of my daughter's magical moment.....

my heart goes out to you

thank you for sharing all this. tom sounds like a great guy with a great sense of humor (as i read his quip about wanting you to tell the girlfriend, bookie & drug dealer he can't pay up).

how terrible that so many doctors managed to misdiagnose an aggressive form of cancer, sending him home from the er on two occasions, claiming he had acid reflux. i'm sorry he had to go through that confusion when he seemed so certain that something was very wrong.

i, too, believe he was seeing a cat--and i'm wondering what the connection was...? it sounds like the cat was waiting to go with him.

in case you're not aware of the bereavement forum on du here is a link:
someone who was a grief & loss counselor recently posted a thread you may find helpful--"surviving the death of a life partner"
and "suggestions for coping with grief"

i'm so glad you had some time to talk things through with him. i know those conversations can be very precious. i wish tom spectacular journeys, and much peace and comfort for you and your daughter. i suspect he'll be back to check in on you and watch over you every now and then.

take good care. you're not alone.

"How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!"

"Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!"

--written by Canon Henry Scott Holland for a sermon he delivered in 1919 following the death of King Edward VII. it has become known as "death is nothing at all"

my heart is heavy with sadness for you.

i imagine your mom is, indeed, with your father and together they are trying to help you through this difficult time.

wishing you so very much comfort and peace.

it seems like everything is going very well under the circumstances

and that is nice to know.

i have heard wonderful things about hospice workers and the care that is taken with the families they assist. (my mother & i never reached that point--by the time her doctors finally agreed to let my mom do hospice--since they thought she had over six months to live and therefore wasn't qualified--we scheduled her to come home a week later on my birthday. as it turned out i brought her ashes home on my birthday.)

i smiled when i read the rationale for your mom's ankle tattoo--boy, that was really figuring things out, wasn't it?

thank you for sharing that idea about the stars being like campfires. i've never heard that before and the imagery that it creates is beautiful. i hope i always remember that.

take good care.

such a heartwrenching time for you

the heartache of saying goodbye for now
the stress of the day to day and the future
i'm so sorry you have entered this era in your life because i know how hard it can be.
i'm glad you have your partner you can lean on.

a couple days have passed since your last post. i'm wondering how everything is going for you and your mom.

i remember telling my mom she was going to be able to see her parents again, and her sister, and my dad. i remember telling my mom that i just wanted to let her know that it was okay to let go (hardest words i've ever spoken). and i remember telling her that even though i didn't know how i was going to do it that i was going to find her again someday. she asked me if i really thought so and i said absolutely. she seemed to be comforted and reassured when i told her we wouldn't be apart forever. (the most private & personal of conversations, the deathbed conversation, and yet i post it online--and i've written about it before in this forum. i guess i share it because speaking to my dad like that when he was dying never occurred to me and, in retrospect, i wish it had.)

there will be a time when your mom, once again, knows your name with absolute certainty without having to be reminded or told. and she will know about everything you did for her. and she will stand straight and strong and put her arms around you as you cry. and maybe, deep down inside, you will know she is near, loving you as she always did, and telling you it's okay--that everything is okay. our crazy bodies wear out and stop but love doesn't die--we take it with us to the other side.

(i feel like i should qualify that last paragraph by saying it is just my belief, so i will. but it's a belief that stems from numerous personal experiences.)

wishing your family much peace and love.

sending much sympathy to both you and your wife on the loss of brody

it can be very heartbreaking to part with one we love so much, especially when we are called upon to make that hardest of decisions even though, logically, we know it is the kindest thing we can do.

something very similar happened to me

when my beautiful mom died, and i lost our beautiful dog six weeks later.
after about a month my neighbor brought over a shelter dog for me (without my consent or knowledge i might add) and i was so devastated by my grief over my mom and my dog i couldn't even decide if i should keep her. she stayed and by the time i found out she was ten years old there was no way i could have given her back to the shelter. i had her for three brief years. i cried for her every day for nearly a year. and yet--no regrets. my time with her was worth all the sorrow of losing her.

about the term "heaven"

i think it is used simply because the message that gets across is of a better place or a nice place or a happy place and the spirit of the individual still exists and lives on. and yes, it is a word children are usually familiar with.

something similar happened to me when i was little. i saw my grandma's sister only it really frightened me. both my mom and grandma were home when it happened and because i was so freaked out there was no doubt in their minds that what i was describing to them actually happened.

for years my mom & i tried to figure out why my great aunt had come back to me and it's only been the last few years that i've concluded it was because i was young enough to still see her and i was able to pass along the fact that she showed up and talked to me to my grandma (her sister) and that the message (that she continued to exist) was given to her sister (my grandma--because when they were younger they used to go to mediums together & get readings so i think she wanted my grandma to know that all of what they were into and believed when they were younger was true and real.)

so much of what i have read

these past several years usually says grief blocks our ability of communication with those on the other side. now, granted, i have not "seen" her but i think that ability is lost in childhood. however, if i was to start listing all the signs and messages i have gotten from her it would almost be unbelievable (even for those who do believe). and i've gotten them in spite of my grief.

since you mentioned this:

"if the person has even a scintilla of aptitude, they can have some experiences with those who have crossed over"

i've been debating where to post this--i usually post things like this in the bereavement forum but...? think i'll post it here instead.

so the other night, experiencing a major low and sadness over missing my mom, i decided to have a talk with her. it was about 2:40 am and i sat down on the couch across from her apparently empty chair and cried and talked to her until after three o'clock in the morning.

i talked about how lonely i am without her, how i love her so much and miss her beyond words. i talked about how, for the last four years, i have assumed her to be the calming influence when i start losing my mind over her, and that she has been a reassuring voice in my head and because of that my perception of her has been that she is really okay with everything. and i told her it has only been lately that it has occurred to me that when i fall into my deep abyss and cry desperately for her that maybe she cries too--maybe she isn't as calm and okay as i have thought--maybe she cries sometimes when she sees me going off the deep end because her heart breaks for me.

and i told her i wonder if she's even around tonight. was the spell of her powder that i walked through each time i went up and down the hallway earlier all just in my head? because i haven't smelled that for quite awhile now. and i told her there haven't been any signs from her in a long time. i wondered aloud if she has gone off, finding better things to do than hang around here and watch me in my states of sadness. the idea that she is moving on from me and forgetting about me is so devastating i can't even begin to express it.

i told her how i would love to see her--and that there is a major irony here. because i have read that when children see ghosts it is usually an adult who tells them there is no such thing, and that can't be, etc. and when i was little and saw my great aunt, it was my mother who told me i couldn't have seen her, that she wasn't really there, etc. etc. so the irony is that the one person who i long to see so very much is the same person who might have taken that ability away from me! and if she wants me to see her, then she is probably kicking herself for what happened when i was a kid. but at that time--who knew? she was comforting me, doing her best to console me because i was so upset and scared by the experience. she was reassuring. she tried to be reasonable. she took a lot of my fear away.

i begged her for another sign. please--just to let me know. walking through clouds of her scented powder in the hallway didn't seem enough. i wanted more. please, mommy. please.

eight hours later i pull into the gas station for cigarettes. my usual two parking spaces are blocked by a truck so i pull up alongside a gas pump. i get out, go around the front of the pump and go into the store. when i come out i go around the back of the pump and i see, on the ground, by my back door, the "sign": a large, silver paperclip (signifying a running joke her and i had for several years before she died, a "sign" i have found 39 of since she has passed--plus a large blue one which i count as a sign since blue was her favorite color.) the 40th large, silver paperclip! as i reached down and picked it up i was so happy i started to cry.

so--regarding the rest in peace business: my mom might have rested a bit but overall, considering all the other signs she has given me, she has worked pretty hard, off and on, to reassure me and let me know she is still with me. and for that i am so grateful because i cannot imagine my life without her in it.

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