May 11, 2015

Heh! This Vine is tripping my cats out:

https://t.co/j2ntGvgebp

It really unsettled them.

May 10, 2015

A tornado and a rainbow in Colorado yesterday:

@basehunters
(Not photoshopped)

May 8, 2015

"Official SC Law Enforcement Hurricane Instructions” (Posted before but warnings are important)

“Official SC Law Enforcement Hurricane Instructions”
(If a hurricane is imminent, this will be broadcast)

URGENT – URGENT – URGENT (FOR IMMEDIATE DISSEMINATION STATEWIDE)
Warning to all South Carolina residents of a possible hurricane threat. The path of this hurricane is still unclear and may be a threat to our state.

Although meteorologists are predicting landfall somewhere to the north of South Carolina, state emergency preparedness officials are making two basic but important points:

(1) There is no need to panic.

(2) We could all be killed.

Hurricane season is an exciting time to be in South Carolina. If you’re new to the area, you’re probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we’ll get hit by “the big one.” Based on experience, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food, beer, and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.

STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in South Carolina. We’ll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items: HOMEOWNERS’ INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and

(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Carolina, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you’ll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.

Since Hurricane George, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I’m covered by the Bubba and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bubba and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and — if it’s a major hurricane — all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they’re cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they’re very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don’t have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver’s license; if it says “South Carolina,” you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don’t evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! South Carolina tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies: 23 flashlights At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights. Bleach. (We don’t know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it’s traditional, so GET some!) A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant. A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.) A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Hugo. After the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: It’s great living in South Carolina!

May 4, 2015

Another black man has been shot in Baltimore(who knows what happened now?)

@greta:
young black male shot in Baltimore by police witnessed by Fox crew

@cmcampbell6:
Commander at the scene confirms it was a shooting. Man had a gun, police tried to arrest him, it fell and went off, he says.

It fell?
Several tweets about this. Riot police and gawd are there.
If true, what a hot mess.

Unconfirmed:
@ssdance: Fox News is saying police shot someone in the back at North/Penn.

Lawd help if this is true!

May 4, 2015

Watch what this little girl did when asked if she would fight Darth Vader :

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

May 2, 2015

My first memory of a vaccination

My first memory of a vaccination....

I was 5 or 6 years old. I'm not sure of the exact age, but I was very young. My mother had taken my brother and me to the health department. He was a year older.

For some unknown reason, my Mama left me in the waiting room while she took my brother in for his shot. One man's waiting room is another man's exit station. I took off out of the door. Not for me to meekly wait like a sacrifice to the Gawds of medicine.

My escape was not well thought out, but I was bound for the train station that was not far away. My aunt had taken me there not long before, and I knew it was a way out.

My legs weren't very long, but I was moving them very rapidly. When my Mama came out of the door after somebody had snitched on me, I had a decent head start. However, I could hear her catching up as she 'sweetly' called my name. I knew I had to change my plan.

I ducked into the nearest building which just happened to be the town's police station. Think one step up from Mayberry. I ran into an open office where several men were sitting around, and scooted around some man's legs and underneath his desk.

When I heard my Mama, I preceded to wrap myself around his legs and hold on for dear life. I decided that wailing at the top of my lungs might help in some way.

It took a while for my Mama to explain what was going on especially with me wailing about getting stuck like a pig. I was finally untangled and reluctantly released into her care. They made her promise not to punish me and made it clear they would check on me.

I got my vaccination, and my Mama muttered at me all day. I decided to play under the house with my cats where it would be hard to reach me.
I have had many shots since then. However, I have never had one as exciting and life-threatening.

May 2, 2015

Look at what's in front of the Baltimore City Hall:

Good Lawd! They look like there is some danger of a coup against the junta.
Stand down fools.

Go home!

May 1, 2015

Ben E King has passed

RIP Ben E King....
Gonna miss you...