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nightscanner59

Profile Information

Name: Johnathan
Gender: Male
Hometown: do I have a home?
Home country: USA
Current location: San Franciso Bay Area
Member since: Sun Aug 15, 2010, 04:05 PM
Number of posts: 802

About Me

As a 16 y.o. runaway from extreme peer bullying and parental neglect; specifically after being \"outed\" in a redneck town, it was one fat, boisterous idiot of a preacher who instrumented the lynch mob who literally \"ran me out of town\". This was precisely the hateful crap he was stirring that caused incidental mob mentality that I know nearly a whole certain town is horrified to look back upon. Fred Phelps himself was invited, and drove all the way there to head up this riot. It was like something out of a horror flick: invited to a \"party in my honor\", that was quickly revealed to be a hatefest, with Fred Phelps himself at the helm. From the moment I walked in the door he lit into an in-my-face spitting litany of my evils with family and community members teasing and touting \"praise cheezus\" all around. I left with a whole crowd chasing me down the street. I only stayed home long enough that evening to pack a backpack and head out, never to return. This was after many other pronounced anti-gay incidents that were escalating in severity. I\'ve spent my whole life attempting to live down that moment. If I could sue every one of the idiots who took part in that dipshit scenario I would not hesitate for one second. Odd conflict with me is, being very, very lucky to have run across a gay pedophile (if you will, he had more genuine humanitarian interest in getting me off the street than playing with my pee-pee) who sheltered, fed and street-schooled me till I was nearly 18. December 2009 I was doored off my bicycle in what was highly suspected as an anti-gay crime. Reason being I kept having drive by \"Faggot\" yelled at my home, then the same spray painted on it, within a couple months of this happening. I cannot identify my attackers. It came unexpectedly, so suddenly, and I was too dazed only to realized I was being repeatedly kicked in the head. It took a sort of hypnosis and drug enhanced therapy to recall what I could at a University PTSD study I participated in: but during that EMDR-like sessions I realized that I had been kicked in the head something on the order of 100 times by my attackers, I could smell strong whiskey and they were laughing and making homophobic comments. I\'m a radiologic technologist with over 20 years experience in CT and Xray. Unfortunately I have limitations to my physical ability to perform my chosen profession, due to pinched nerves in my neck. Insurance companies have rejected me for all plans. I have taken what Xray assignments I can. I\'m fortunate not to have lost most of my cognitive abilities, but I\'m not who I was before this occurence, by any long shot. I can no longer ride a bicycle or a motorcycle due to chronic dizziness. I\'ve had dozens of chronic ear infections since. My right eye still has a partially detached retina. I\'ve been opiate free for 6 months now, but still have some days I have trouble with old fractures. I am documented TBI case now basically multiple post concussive syndrome. I still want to work, and live much like I did before this happened but it is very difficult. I have difficulty sometimes forming sentences verbally in proper syntax, and have to go kind of slowly at this. I refuse to become dependent on SSDI though, because I still don\'t really have a home. I sold the house there in Arizona, still have some ranch property in Radiator Springs! But this fucked up all my plans for building a home there. Its still a campout. I\'ve finally paid off over 10,000 dollars worth of debt this attack caused me. State of Arizona refused me victims of crime compensation. (R) bastards. I\'m living on the edge of homelessness still. Only a few places have been understanding of my limitations, however, which are not severe, but ever present. I\'m hoping to go back to one of the best jobs I\'ve had, but things aren\'t as lucrative for rad techs as they were years ago. Albeit my past is bitter, has made some mediocrity seem sweet ever since.

Journal Archives

Have been taught to hate by brainwashing media empires

With oligarchs atop laughing all the way to the bank.
Having spent considerable time hiding from potentially lethal American heterosexism of the 1970's under a freeway bridge
I've never been able to adjust to the rose colored glasses.
Posted by nightscanner59 | Sun Sep 18, 2016, 11:32 AM (0 replies)

Okay. I like Hillary. I despise the Donald with every fiber of my being.

I murdered the television long, long ago. I've tuned to it's bile laden vomitus from time to time when company housing came with the beast. My ears pricked up to hear a long lost (now a die-hard republicon) relative's directive to listen to George Carlin's "illusion of choice" routine: "It's a big club and you ain't in it"... and marvel magnanimously at how Faux Noize and his predisposition for racism has turned my childhood playmate into another of capitalism's puppets.
He laughed yet dismissed it as a comedic show.
My refuge from bullying under a freeway bridge became my perspective. A large, discarded cardboard box that temporarily housed a new refrigerator for a suburban household became my temporary home. The view of a family through their front window sitting down to thanksgiving dinner together made me wonder why my own had banished me to starvation and dumpster diving. On the bus I'd managed to slip in the back door to ride to the beach showers, one of the middle aged passengers who moved away from me asked me if I'd "had all my shots". I could only be astonished with disbelief as the U.S. public elected a cowboy actor to the highest office, and continue to scrounge for enough aluminum cans to afford a package of cheap hot dogs. Only the kindness of an elderly fellow gay American salvaged me from the choice of street cretin existence or the prospect of returning to uncaring, judgmental, abusive, pseudo-religious and murdersome parents.
Only after an uncle begrudgingly took me in two years later was I able to attend college and make something of myself.
My perspective remains. I cannot adopt the pretentiousness and snobbishness I came to loathe as a societal reject: for being honest with myself and others.
In Bernie I could see a glimmer of hope from an establishment politician. I can see a veneer of this with the Clintons, and certainly a far cry better chance of salvaging a retirement that hopefully won't resemble my latter teenage.
Yet I remain so far removed from the royalty our government has become I've never had a real "seat at the dinner table", aside from any conventional table to consume from. At least someone there has had a smattering of empathy, has acknowledged the disadvantaged aside from moral judgementalism, has brought into the national conversation the plight of those struggling to dig out from enormous student debts.
The Donald I can only see American pretentiousness, pernicious, exclusive, racist and judgemental, a shadow of my own father who attempted to trick me to an electrical death trap. I cringe at his $100,000 donation to those who would like to imprison me and other LGBT citizens into death camps. I cannot even begin to express this dismay at those who cannot evolve beyond their hatreds.
Posted by nightscanner59 | Sun Aug 21, 2016, 04:11 PM (0 replies)
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