Very insightful comment, Hunter. Thanks for sharing. nt

You're definitely correct re setting boundaries.

We all need some of that, in different measure with different folks, of course.

I do understand where you're coming from, as I have a close family member with a personality disorder of another variety - dependency, springing from Asperger's, I'm now told after 50+ years.
Believes being "truthful" relieves one from boundaries.

Re funeral and purple dress: Those who know the deceased can find humor even under the circumstances. My brother's family placed a cell phone next to him in the coffin - 16 yrs ago- as that is how they remembered him, and my family placed a Coke can next to my hubby, as that is what he craved and requested constantly in his illness. I like to think we were laughing with them, not at them - the joke is really our humanity.

Keep on keeping on, Muriel. You're doing just fine, all things considered.

Best wishes to you, auntAgonist, as you continue treatment.

So glad you got a firm diagnosis, even though you might have welcomed an easier one.
Peace.

Your mother may very well be seeking attention -

Certainly you and your brothers know her better than anyone.

It is extremely difficult for people of that age to have the energy and motivation to change their ways, such as to lose weight.
Metabolism has slowed so much by the time one reaches mid-80's, weight loss is very difficult.

She may well have a personality disorder, but, as you no doubt know, that is not going to change either.
Perhaps best to just let her be, at her age, even though these circumstances are not easy to see going on and to deal with.

Jimmy Carter Back At Work After Health Concern Cut Guyana Trip Short

www.people.com/article/jimmy-carter-health-working-guyana-trip-cold

I do not know what to make of this.

Has your mother given your brothers reasons for her conclusion that her life is ending?
What do your brothers make of this announcement of her impending death?

Older people sometimes do strange things that seem unreasonable to others but that make perfect sense to themselves.

I'm conscious of the recent sudden death of your son-in-law, and am especially pleased to know that your daughter is doing well, despite a vicious attack from outside her family.

The sorrowful music sets and continues the tone of sadness. nt

I agree with Nasty Jack, except for one phrase -

There's nothing new about Steve King's blather.
He's been representing Iowa in Congress since 2003, and acting like a nut job the whole time.

Sorry, Iowans.

I'm sure Mrs Obama knew there would be reactions like Ann Coulter's

when she composed and delivered the speech.
She apparently decided the words needed to be said and didn't care what Ann Coulter's and others' reactions would be.

Most of us are old enough to know this is all part of American life today.
I sure don't let Ann Coulter affect anything I believe is necessary to do or say.

Don't allow Ann Coulter to have any influence in our lives.

It could be that some siblings stick around while parents, especially Mom, are living

in order to not hurt or disappoint one or both parents.

We all know that many siblings are very different one from another; some of that is inborn personality types, even though they are raised in the same circumstances. The differences are compounded when siblings take up different careers, move away from the family home area, and, most especially, when they marry. In-laws bring a whole new equation to the mix, compounded by the children they have.

Because we would like to have our siblings remain in our lives, I believe it's important to leave doors open to family members; never turn your back on them,(though I realize there are circumstances where that might be necessary, but I'm not speaking to those instances) and to let them know that you will always welcome them and that family is important to you.

When my last parent (mother) died, I was the only sibling of four remaining in our home town. I had seen her through her final days, in fact had been responsible for her living and financial affairs for a number of years. I administered her estate, making sure that each sibling had the family possessions that they wanted and could accommodate. I became the family matriarch, worked on family history (genealogy), which proved to be a way of keeping the connection.

Two of my sibs have since died; the remaining brother calls me every 10-14 days, and will be returning this week for the first time in ca 7 years; at my suggestion, my out-of-town son and wife will come 500 miles to visit with him.

I'm trying to foster a sense of family among my four very different middle-aged children, so that they'll carry on and keep doors open when I'm no longer here.