nycbos
nycbos's JournalAmericans Deeply Divided Over Who They Want to See Go to Prison First
https://www.facebook.com/andyborowitz/posts/10156229066475681Excited Crowd Outside Muellers Office Awaits First Arrest
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)A crowd estimated in the hundreds of thousands has gathered outside the office of Robert Mueller in eager anticipation of the special counsels first arrest in the Russia probe.
Minutes after news was leaked that charges had been filed, Americans from across the country descended on Muellers office to witness firsthand what many called the beginning of the end of the nightmare.
I cant believe this day has finally come, Carol Foyler, who drove from North Carolina, said. My husband is having surgery today, but I didnt want to miss this.
Although the gathering has been largely peaceful, isolated arguments have erupted over which member of Trumps circle the attendees would like Mueller to arrest first.
A faction shouting Don, Jr. started pushing and shoving another group chanting Jared before police intervened.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/excited-crowd-outside-muellers-office-awaits-first-arrest
Report: Majority Of Money Donated At Church Doesn't Make It To God
WASHINGTONA shocking report released Monday by the Internal Revenue Service revealed that more than 65 percent of the money donated at churches across the world never reaches God. "Unfortunately, almost half of all collections go toward administrative expenses such as management, utilities, and clerical costs," said Virginia Raeburn, a spokesperson for the Lord Almighty, adding that another 25 percent of heavenly funding is needed just to cover payroll for the angelic hierarchy. "People always assume God is filthy rich, but they'd be surprised to learn His net worth is only around $8 millionand most of that is tied up in real estate." According to Raeburn, God currently has enough money saved to live comfortably throughout all eternity, but He may be forced to shutter a number of under-performing religions.
http://www.theonion.com/article/report-majority-of-money-donated-at-church-doesnt--18765?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing
Thought we could use a laugh.
Chris Rock on Gun Control
With all the horror is the world humor keeps us sane. I think Chris Rock had the right idea about guns.
Americans Opposed to Being Shot Seek Representation in Washington
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) Americans who are opposed to being shot, a constituency that has historically failed to find representation in Washington, are making a new effort to make its controversial ideas heard in the nations capital.
When you bring up the idea of not wanting to be shot with members of Congress, theres always been pushback, Carol Foyler, founder of the lobbying group Americans Opposed to Being Shot, said. Their reaction has been, basically, Not being shot: whos going to
support something like that?
Foyler, however, believes that the right to not be shot, much like womens right to vote, the right to same-sex marriage, and other rights that were deemed controversial in their day, may be an idea whose time has finally come.
For years, weve been talking about the right to not be shot and people have been looking at us like were out of our minds, she said.
But recent polls show that a vast majority of Americans, in fact, do not want to be shot.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/americans-opposed-to-being-shot-seek-representation-in-washington
Jim Jefferies -- Gun Control (Part 1) from BARE -- Netflix Special
Part 2 can be found on YouTube.
It is sad when it takes a Aussie comedian to tell the truth about guns.
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