General Discussion

Ken Burch

(50,254 posts)

43. I can relate.

Tue Jan 16, 2018, 11:09 AM

Jan 2018

I haven't dated for years(I was widowed a long while back), and now I'm kind of scared to start because I'm wondering if any spontaneity, if any wrong guess in the silence of the moment, will be interpreted as sexual harassment or something worse.

I was never a naturally "grabby" guy or anything, but it sounds nerve-wracking as hell to have to stop and ask for consent at every single step of a sexual encounter-that there would, seemingly, never be a moment where you could just assume that you were both "all-in" on whatever was going to happen.

I was married to someone who'd been repeated sexually assaulted before we were together, so that taught me to be more aware of things. But I don't know how much has changed.

At this stage I'm convinced that I'd get it wrong with someone if I even tried.

The result is, I'm staying away from any possible dating situations and it's lonely at times.

(on edit) that said, I wouldn't ever push things the way Aziz is accused of doing. Seemed important ot clarify that.

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68 replies

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Highlight:

The Aziz Ansari thing made me realize how I had no clue how to act on a date [View all] nadine_mn Jan 2018 OP

Best wishes to you both you crazy kids. n/t PoliticAverse Jan 2018 #1

It's a changing world mythology Jan 2018 #2

This part.... nails the whole thing: nini Jan 2018 #3

IMO, problems arise as soon as sex is used for anything other than mutual enjoyment*... Moostache Jan 2018 #4

"It also SHOULD rule out romance as well." Huh? pnwmom Jan 2018 #25

True...but they are also not mutually inclusive... Moostache Jan 2018 #31

So is it best for both parties to have their lawyers agree to terms and contracts before dinner? misanthrope Jan 2018 #37

Normal, human sexuality is buried beneath cultural mores, family customs, procon Jan 2018 #5

I'm 15+ years older than you... regnaD kciN Jan 2018 #6

Totally not true. I've had a few guys I dated ask if they could kiss me. SunSeeker Jan 2018 #10

I agree TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #27

I don't know. I've asked about a first kiss many times, and MineralMan Jan 2018 #47

I'm 65, kid, fucked like a rabbit when I was young. Been married for close to 40 years tirebiter Jan 2018 #7

Wow. I was a complete introvert when I was young. Blue_true Jan 2018 #9

My rule all my life. Blue_true Jan 2018 #8

like if they lost their car keys in their vagina? yurbud Jan 2018 #11

No. I Would not touch there. Blue_true Jan 2018 #12

I'm just kidding. I'm trying to think of when a woman would need a guy's help with her crotch yurbud Jan 2018 #42

I have been in situations where I had to help females put on fall restraint harnesses. Blue_true Jan 2018 #52

I must be getting old because I've been rock climbing too and totally forgot about that. yurbud Jan 2018 #62

Message auto-removed Name removed Jan 2018 #66

I agree 100%. christx30 Jan 2018 #54

I love this post malaise Jan 2018 #13

I think I am only now beginning to realize how lucky I was. smirkymonkey Jan 2018 #14

I'm surprised at how many sketchy and scary situations nadine_mn Jan 2018 #17

You are very lucky to have found someone like him! smirkymonkey Jan 2018 #18

People will not always act the same with everyone JI7 Jan 2018 #15

DURec leftstreet Jan 2018 #16

I take solace in that most people are rather normal IluvPitties Jan 2018 #19

I have no clue what "normal" is nadine_mn Jan 2018 #21

Thanks for your honesty and open heart. IluvPitties Jan 2018 #22

I read about love KG Jan 2018 #20

Well....I guess that makes me the floozy on the block. Honeycombe8 Jan 2018 #23

Basically.. sarah FAILIN Jan 2018 #33

I see. I agree, if that's the way it happened. Honeycombe8 Jan 2018 #35

Here is the long version sarah FAILIN Jan 2018 #41

Yeah..she consented. She never made it clear, IMO, that she didn't want sex. Honeycombe8 Jan 2018 #51

I think we've all been there sarah FAILIN Jan 2018 #55

There is something I will never understand.. whathehell Jan 2018 #38

There was more to it but that is the short version sarah FAILIN Jan 2018 #40

I see.. whathehell Jan 2018 #46

Thank you for this! druidity33 Jan 2018 #24

reading what Aziz did LittleGirl Jan 2018 #26

My parents taught me that a marriage was an equal partnership unblock Jan 2018 #28

Um... GaYellowDawg Jan 2018 #32

TMI hunter Jan 2018 #57

But don't the "blue balls" go away TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #61

It goes away on its own, too. GaYellowDawg Jan 2018 #63

Great post!! KT2000 Jan 2018 #29

I instantly thought of that Cat Person story nadine_mn Jan 2018 #30

How about don't do what he did Lokilooney Jan 2018 #34

Ewwwww. That's just gross. And on a 1st date? That guy Loser. nt Honeycombe8 Jan 2018 #36

Agreed oberliner Jan 2018 #39

What about her? sarah FAILIN Jan 2018 #44

Actually she says that he took her clothes off oberliner Jan 2018 #48

I was grossed out reading that and read it too fast but sarah FAILIN Jan 2018 #56

Agreed on that. Ken Burch Jan 2018 #45

Exactly. Eww... MineralMan Jan 2018 #49

I can relate. Ken Burch Jan 2018 #43

It's easy, Ken. Date nice people and be a nice person. MineralMan Jan 2018 #50

It never hurts to take things slow TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #60

I agree completely. MineralMan Jan 2018 #65

Thanks. That's what I've always thought I was. Ken Burch Jan 2018 #67

I've been mostly single the past 4 years Blue_Tires Jan 2018 #53

Prior to meeting my wife, I'm way out in the fringes of awkward relationships. hunter Jan 2018 #58

Message auto-removed Name removed Jan 2018 #59

And she must have taken her pants off TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #64

it wasn't the sex she was upset about . it was the stuff before that JI7 Jan 2018 #68