Father Of Shooter Asking For Privacy

[Ms. Toad]

60. That's a tough balance.

My parents were silent - aware that anything they said might cause the families of the victims more pain.

Even as my brother's execution date neared, my parents wrestled with whether to make a statement thanking the larger community for all of the support they received over the years - including from most family members of the victims. Ultimately one was drafted, then not used when his execution was called off within 36 hours of being carried out.

The balance my parents reached, generally, was to live with the blame publicly heaped on them rather than draw attention to themselves - which a small portion of the family member of the second victim would have resented. In their case, there were strong statements of support from most of the victims' families - and from mutual friends and family of one of the victims. It made the blame dumping from people who knew nothing about the reality of their lives, or of my brother's, a bit easier.