Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

FirstLight

(13,352 posts)
34. Extended Update... Take a deep Breath, Momma
Sun Feb 25, 2018, 04:07 PM
Feb 2018

Ok, so let's just say the Probation Dept folks are my new Angels. They talked me down off the cliff, I was so overly emotional and angry, I had some reservations about doing it this way. But it's definitely for the best for MY kid to be where's he's ultimately LOVED and cared for than just a case number.
(The CPS lady was so horrible, I should have known I wouldn't wanna deal wioth THAT for a fucking year. Not to mention the damage it would do to my kid who is already emotionally/mentally fucked up to think I am abandoning him or telling his he's worthless.)

So before we even were allowed to leave the Detention Center, they did a whole intervention/counseling session for all of us. Made us address eachother and say some things that we were holding on to. My daughter got to say she's mad and scared to her brother. He got to say he's sorry and scared too. It was cathartic and a STEP.

Turns out he did NOT take the drugs (yeah, I know, I didn't believe him at first either...but as the story unfolded over the next couple days it made sense) His friend was also drugged...some kid came over to hang out and said he had Xanax/Valuim and asked them if they wanted to. They said they were okay, no thanks. Then he slipped it into their drinks anyway...and proceeded to rob the other kid's house. (They lost jewelry, etc)
My kid's friend was lucky he didn't end up in a coma or something, he was literally knocked out for hours, his parents though he was just asleep for the night, he should have gone to the ER.

~~~Fast forward to Friday/Saturday~~~

We had a big weekend trip planned for my daughter's 16th Bday. It was iffy that we would have fun or it would explode
She brought a couple friends, so that was a buffer. And we were all going for a reason, not just the bday but some serious sightseeing and such. My son managed to hold it together. WE actually had some genuine laughter and silliness, like we used to. And I think he enjoyed the history, new sights, different environment for all of us
He sat in the front seat most of the way home and we just chilled out and made jokes like usual. He told me he's glad he has to get drug tested on probation, cuz then he's got a better reason to say NO to other kids and not to seek it. He's willing to find out about other meds he might need...I think the drugging episode really scared him. He kept asking about stuff that happened that night, he clearly doesn't remember and he was scared he couldn't even tell me what had happened because he was too fucked up to form the concept, much less the words. I don't think he's ever been that messed up...Kind of a "scared straight" moment for him. (He also says the whole need for weapons isn't against us, it's to PROTECT us. He keeps having dreams of someone breaking into the house and as the "man of the house" he's worried he can't be that protector... interesting...)

so he still has his door off his room. and I've still got things locked up and hidden for those argument nights. Meanwhile we see the probation dept monday afternoon.
Counseling grant has been extended 6 months, for ALL of us...together and separate.


I've decided to try and find another job during better hours so I can be home after school....please pray for that one, as we live in a rural area and jobs ain't easy to find. I've been with my current gig for 3 years and while I love it, it's just not okay that the hours are opposite my kid's being home after school....which is when they need us most.
Besides, how can I get him to his appt after school if I am not there to do the driving and watch out for him?

I got a LOT of work to do. This is far from over and I also feel a little sheepish that I thought so badly of my own child. I guess that will have to be addressed. It's all part of mending what got broken somewhere.


THANK YOU ALL for your continued love & support... Please keep us in your positive vibes, thoughts&prayers, etc
I'll try and keep you posted as this unforlds
also going to crosspost in Mental Health forum

I am so, so, so sorry that you are dealing with this renate Feb 2018 #1
oh yeah...been there too FirstLight Feb 2018 #4
I don't know how to help, but I wish you and your family (incl. your son) all the best Ezior Feb 2018 #2
My son MFM008 Feb 2018 #3
You might want to cross post in this Group: Rhiannon12866 Feb 2018 #5
I am so sorry for any parent who has to go through this. What state are you in, pnwmom Feb 2018 #6
National Alliance on Mental Illness Louis1895 Feb 2018 #7
Thank-you for sharing your story - and pointing out a huge problem in our society. Chemisse Feb 2018 #8
I dont know what state you are in so laws vary but here are a few things Lee-Lee Feb 2018 #9
This seems like great advice. eom Tipperary Feb 2018 #15
been there still there turnitup Feb 2018 #10
You say you're waiting on a mental health referral -- who are you waiting on? If you have an EAP WhiskeyGrinder Feb 2018 #11
In the situation she described a 72 hour involuntarily commitment is the best path Lee-Lee Feb 2018 #13
Oppositional defiance, maybe? Has he always been like this, GreenPartyVoter Feb 2018 #12
hugs and peace to you! logosoco Feb 2018 #14
Oppositional Defiance Disorder MichMary Feb 2018 #16
I did some Googling-- MichMary Feb 2018 #17
Add to this a very helpful odd site GreenPartyVoter Feb 2018 #18
And a search for odd support GreenPartyVoter Feb 2018 #19
Very good. Glad there are resources, MichMary Feb 2018 #20
It takes we odd kids a lonnngggg time to grow up. GreenPartyVoter Feb 2018 #23
It's just mental illness Calculating Feb 2018 #21
I'm so sorry you are in that situation. MineralMan Feb 2018 #22
My sister went through the same thing with my nephew. B2G Feb 2018 #24
Really sorry you're having to go through this bluecollar2 Feb 2018 #25
"actually DO something" He did do several things already samir.g Feb 2018 #26
I am truly sorry handmade34 Feb 2018 #27
UPDATE: STILL FUCKED FirstLight Feb 2018 #28
Oh, Lord! I am so very sorry! *huge hug* GreenPartyVoter Feb 2018 #29
Maybe it's time to pull out the big guns bluecollar2 Feb 2018 #30
+1 GreenPartyVoter Feb 2018 #32
I would agree, there should be some resource for assistance. kentuck Feb 2018 #31
Hey...you Ok? N/t bluecollar2 Feb 2018 #33
Extended Update... Take a deep Breath, Momma FirstLight Feb 2018 #34
This message was self-deleted by its author lostnfound Mar 2018 #35
I have so much to say/// FirstLight Mar 2018 #36
Latest Discussions»General Discussion»How do we deal with dange...»Reply #34