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In reply to the discussion: How do we deal with dangerous teens when NOBODY will help? (long rant of a mom over the edge) :( [View all]FirstLight
(13,352 posts)Ok, so let's just say the Probation Dept folks are my new Angels. They talked me down off the cliff, I was so overly emotional and angry, I had some reservations about doing it this way. But it's definitely for the best for MY kid to be where's he's ultimately LOVED and cared for than just a case number.
(The CPS lady was so horrible, I should have known I wouldn't wanna deal wioth THAT for a fucking year. Not to mention the damage it would do to my kid who is already emotionally/mentally fucked up to think I am abandoning him or telling his he's worthless.)
So before we even were allowed to leave the Detention Center, they did a whole intervention/counseling session for all of us. Made us address eachother and say some things that we were holding on to. My daughter got to say she's mad and scared to her brother. He got to say he's sorry and scared too. It was cathartic and a STEP.
Turns out he did NOT take the drugs (yeah, I know, I didn't believe him at first either...but as the story unfolded over the next couple days it made sense) His friend was also drugged...some kid came over to hang out and said he had Xanax/Valuim and asked them if they wanted to. They said they were okay, no thanks. Then he slipped it into their drinks anyway...and proceeded to rob the other kid's house. (They lost jewelry, etc)
My kid's friend was lucky he didn't end up in a coma or something, he was literally knocked out for hours, his parents though he was just asleep for the night, he should have gone to the ER.
~~~Fast forward to Friday/Saturday~~~
We had a big weekend trip planned for my daughter's 16th Bday. It was iffy that we would have fun or it would explode
She brought a couple friends, so that was a buffer. And we were all going for a reason, not just the bday but some serious sightseeing and such. My son managed to hold it together. WE actually had some genuine laughter and silliness, like we used to. And I think he enjoyed the history, new sights, different environment for all of us
He sat in the front seat most of the way home and we just chilled out and made jokes like usual. He told me he's glad he has to get drug tested on probation, cuz then he's got a better reason to say NO to other kids and not to seek it. He's willing to find out about other meds he might need...I think the drugging episode really scared him. He kept asking about stuff that happened that night, he clearly doesn't remember and he was scared he couldn't even tell me what had happened because he was too fucked up to form the concept, much less the words. I don't think he's ever been that messed up...Kind of a "scared straight" moment for him. (He also says the whole need for weapons isn't against us, it's to PROTECT us. He keeps having dreams of someone breaking into the house and as the "man of the house" he's worried he can't be that protector... interesting...)
so he still has his door off his room. and I've still got things locked up and hidden for those argument nights. Meanwhile we see the probation dept monday afternoon.
Counseling grant has been extended 6 months, for ALL of us...together and separate.
I've decided to try and find another job during better hours so I can be home after school....please pray for that one, as we live in a rural area and jobs ain't easy to find. I've been with my current gig for 3 years and while I love it, it's just not okay that the hours are opposite my kid's being home after school....which is when they need us most.
Besides, how can I get him to his appt after school if I am not there to do the driving and watch out for him?
I got a LOT of work to do. This is far from over and I also feel a little sheepish that I thought so badly of my own child. I guess that will have to be addressed. It's all part of mending what got broken somewhere.
THANK YOU ALL for your continued love & support... Please keep us in your positive vibes, thoughts&prayers, etc
I'll try and keep you posted as this unforlds
also going to crosspost in Mental Health forum