Passports for internal travel?????

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

19. The trick I mostly use for airport security

is to purchase a first class ticket. It automatically gets me into that shorter line, which is nice. I have no idea how much my age (69) helps.

I was an airline ticket agent at Washington National Airport (DCA) for ten years, starting in 1969, before any security measures whatsoever, and I know that everything since 9/11 is pure theater. And I rarely fly, although, as noted above, I purchase a first class ticket if I do. Hint: if you buy the ticket three or four months ahead of time, you can probably get a decent fare. No, it won't be as cheap as the cheapest possible coach ticket, but it might well be a price you're willing to pay. I am.

Side note: the airlines have trained most passengers to go for the cheapest possible fare, even if it means they fly between Baltimore and New York City with stops in Cincinnati and Albany. Crazy.

The last time I flew coach, about five years ago, I had the stupendous good fortune that when I was in the gate area, right before boarding, the gate agent announced they had one first class seat available for fifty dollars. Luckily I was very close to the podium, and the agent had barely finished the announcement when I popped up and said, "I'll take that seat."

I have flown all of twice since then. I will probably be flying to the east coast this summer (my plans are still in flux) and if I do, trust me, it will be in first class.

I despise the TSA.