General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: DNA Heritage Tests - Why Would E. Warren or Anybody Bother? [View all]Pendrench
(1,356 posts)In both cases, we encouraged our kids to reach out to their birth-families (if they wanted to).
For our son it was pretty easy - we stayed in touch with his birth-mom, and when he finally asked if he could meet her (he was 18 at the time) we were able to arrange a meeting. He told us that he was afraid how we were going to react, but we always told him that we wanted what was best for him. And for us, things worked out great. Since that first meeting, he has met more of his extended birth-family, as have we...in fact, not only do we spend holidays together when we can, this past weekend my wife and our son's birth-mom went out to lunch, not only is she family, she is a very dear friend. And to our son my wife and I are Mom and Dad - and his birth-mom always refers to us as his parents...but we also refer to her as his mom.
For our daughter it was a bit trickier...she was adopted from Latvia, and we had very little background information. As it turns out, we were able to find family (mostly cousins) using a DNA test...so I do see the value in these tests. But it was really Facebook that helped the most. We sent out our story, and it made its way to a young lady in Latvia who was able to find and connect with our daughter's birth-mom. And we were also able to find a brother (living in the UK) and a sister (living in France)...in fact, last summer our daughter spent 2 weeks with her sister in Spain
So sometimes it works out - and we were lucky in both situations.
And you are so right - it can be a very complex set of feelings.
So I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.
Tim