I have some bad news...

[Honeycombe8]

71. Just being practical.

Does it help to take one more person into your lifeboat, if that risks sinking the boat with everyone in it?

He could end up broke and in the same situation as his mother, if he spends all his expendable income on her. And what will happen to him, then? His health might suffer. So he may well end up with health problems at 62, with no one to help him.

This is life lessons 101. A parent's first responsibility is to himself/herself, to prepare for retirement. That is above paying for child's school, or anything else, except healthcare. Although it may seem selfish to some...it avoids the type of situation as stated in the OP. And the vice versa is true: if a child depletes all resources caring for others, while not asking them to contribute, this type of situation will happen again, when the child becomes a senior.

One's first responsibility is to maintain health (so you don't end up with health problems that are preventable), prepare for retirement, THEN if there's anything left over, that is to help others.

There is nothing wrong with bootstraps, BTW.

Or maybe I should've just sympathized and called the VA bad names, instead of trying to offer actual advice that would maybe help. (I didn't mention, for instance, how most people in this forum seem to want to cut the Dept of Defense budget.....which pays for pensions. Ironic.)